I'm up early, thinking about getting to work. S. and I were supposed to spend the evening together for the first time in 2 weeks last night, and he wanted to go straight to bed after dinner. Five minutes after getting into bed and sitting up to talk, he was asleep. Sigh...
This weekend is the last push on the house before we start moving in, kitchen or not. It's a bloody mess. Dust everywhere, drywall sitting around, spackling on the walls, cabinets in various stages of assembly, plaster drying in patches, plumbing spilling out of the wall...
I have about 24 hours of work to do this weekend, and a coop shift, and errands for the house, and pack, and I still have to find time to eat and sleep. I'm looking forward to when this baby comes - somehow I think I'm going to get MORE sleep than this!
Quote: So I've stayed away for the most part. We pass each other once or twice a day, and he comes home after I've gone to bed.
For a guy who clearly has quality time as one of his love languages, I'm betting that this is the wrong approach.
Your guy (like mine) craves quality time so much that he'd prefer to have you sit there and watch him remodel. So I'm betting you concentrating on your work all the time and going to bed before he gets home is leaving him feeling pretty lonely and unloved.
Not that I blame you, and I totally understand why HIS lack of meeting your needs is ticking YOU off - but just pointing out that i don't think this approach is likely to get you where you want to go.
Also - remember when he vents about his stress - don't take what he says so literally, even when it sounds like he's blaming you for everything. I bet the self-critical voice in his head is REALLY loud right now, and this is just a tiny bit of it spewing out onto you - imagine what he's getting!
Why have I drawn this experience to me at this time? - What is this experience trying to teach me? - How can I use this experience to make me a better person? Good stuff, thanks
The move was horrible. Awful. Dreadful. Oh, the humanity! I've been sapped of my creativity to think of more adjectives to describe the horror. It took three days - was probably worse moving three doors down than if I had actually moved across town. S. and I can barely speak two words without either getting into a fight or withdrawing completely. He's been under the stress of finishing up the downstairs apartment, and meanwhile ours isn't painted or finished, and all my stuff is taking up all the space. I'm working diligently to make room for his things, but I moved from two floors to one, and I just don't have the storage.
But that's not the worst of it. S. and I have been having really difficult talks about how to proceed in the face of the fights, the withdrawal, the sadness, the crying, the breakdowns, the lack of understanding and communication... and yesterday and today we came well nigh close to calling it all off. In fact, he is considering not moving up here and staying in his apartment on the ground floor.
I'm not so naive as to think that it's all us, and it doesn't have anything to do with the stress of the move, or with the stress of my work, or with the stress of his construction project, or with the emotional up and down of the pregnancy. But this goes way beyond that - it's horrible and painful for both of us - we are both struggling with each other. I've lost my ability to work on the R, and though I keep reaching out in the face of withdrawal, and he keeps reaching out in the face of unpredictable emotions and rampant crying, it's not enough.
When he got into the shower this morning, I started to cry and let out wails heretofore only heard on the Serengeti. When he turned the water off, he heard them and came running. I was inconsolable. After which he became inconsolable, because it breaks his heart to hear me cry like that. We are a collective mess.
So if I could find it, I'd give DR another read. And I'd probably call up trusty Chuck the DB coach. There has to be hope somewhere in all this. Otherwise, I'd just hurl myself over the balcony.
I hope things will quickly get better with so much of the move out of the way. It's pretty amazing how you've been able to do so well with everything you have going on. It's like you've had a million things in the air, yet none of them hit the floor. That can't be easy, but you've been doing it.
Hugs and prayers,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Thanks, SD. I knew I needed that.