hi again Debra! I am feeling calmer, thank heavens, of course this turn of events helps. I hope things are still on that track or I can get them there this evening. he actually said at some point, I'm not sure if it was last night or last weekend, that it was "almost a relief"
I don't think we can make it an overnighter this time, BUT, S is going to stay with D & her H for a month --June--and I am planning on taking full advantage of that opportunity. I am looking forward to Friday though, big time. I think it would probably piss her off to no end. I gotta get my leave request turned in so it goes on the big wall calendar to stare HER in the FACE knowing I'M with HIM....oh hum, maybe I can help her have a fun birthday!
Hi Deb - I'm keeping my fingers crossed that H has the courage to stay the course, and that you have the strength to support him. It will feel unfair at times, but if you can stick with the process, the rewards are well worth it.
thank you , thank you, thank you, thank you, Debra.
I so have my fingers crossed. I'm kind of holding my breath to see what things are like when he gets home tonight. there are things I want to ask him, but I'm thinking I may hold back (like what the heck did she say this morning!)
Don't ask - don't bring up OW unless he does, and then DON'T attack her or he'll have to defend her (let HER be the one who looks bad). If he brings her up, though, it's okay to tell him how her creepy stuff with the car makes you a little worried she'll harrass you further.
Quote: got some black capris and a snug hot pink ribbed sweater with a low neck (I'm going for boobs here, H likes em, I've got em, ow doesnt )
If you've got 'em, use 'em, I say
Quote: now if I can just lose 30 pounds by Friday.
deb, u r doing great! i know you will have some reservations about everything, but if you can, try and have some fun with him. dont expect anything ground breaking. dont try for a deep r talk, even though you may WANT one more then anything. just be fabulous!! no pressure no worries. it is just one day, not the rest of your life. OW will most definatly be pressuring him and trying for the deep talks and demanding all kinds of things. she will use guilt, you can battle guilt with fun. if you were in your h's shoes, would you rather turn to the carefree happy funloving w of many years, or an OW who is demanding and angry and full of guilt?
you can still protect yourself. you dont have to just let your gaurd down. just be yourself.
Hi all. I need some kind of guidance today more than ever I think; I am an anxious mess. I am SO AFRAID H will run back to her.
I havent said much to him, I did ask him very briefly this morning before work if his email from yesterday was still accurate. he said yes (the one that started with "good morning love:" and ended with "You sure have nothing to worry about now"... I couldnt sleep last night, and commented to him that I guessed I was tossing and turning because I was anxious...he said "I know"...this morning I've just gotten the short business like emails from him...I did tell him again that I'm having trouble with "fears", and he said there is nothing to "fret" about, but I sure remember hearing that last fall. He talked about being really busy and that he likes that right now because it helps keep his mind off of things.....
then, and this was upsetting to me, he asked if I was for sure planning on going tomorrow , so what, is he talking with her about her going if I didnt????? I emailed back that I was planning to if the invitation was still open, and that I was looking forward to it. I havent gotten a response since I sent that. H is complaining of being sick to his stomach and not feeling well, was complaining this morning before work.
I'm having such a hard time...he is so all over the place in the emotional "vibes" I get from him. Last night, he was more cheerful than I had seen him in a long, long time, joking and laughing about "the kids", joking that his immaturity has gotten him this far in life, really cheerful. He got home from work before I did because I stopped to pick up some scented oil and "stuff". when I was changing clothes, he initiated a "quickie" and was so cheerful and happy about it...
even this morning he was saying we should go to a nearby city to hear one of "the kids" band, and that we should have a barbeque and have that band play and invite the coworker that left last fall that he's missed so, and that we could invite some neighbors we've kind of had a rocky relationship with to "get them back"......
and now, 3-4 hours later he seems so down and distant again.
It would help me so much if he would share with me where he's at, what's going on. but he seems to close up again, and that scares me because it's what's always happened before when he runs back to her. and of course, it's hardball this time. lots at stake.
Stop asking, Stop ASSuming, and Act As If everything is going to be okay. get that duct tape out and put it over your mouth! Remember what my firend taught me when he showed me how to ride a motocycle - he said "Don't look where you don't want to go. If you look at the ditch, you'll end up in the ditch"
Quit looking at the ditch, Deb!!!!!!
Now - Get happy!!! Buy some new perfume!!! Smile and plan for a great day tomorrow!
Don't look where you don't want to go...that's good. I'm gonna try to keep repeating that. I just have a hard time keeping my focus when H gets weird all over again. I have this awful feeling she is probably fighting with him about me going with him tomorrow.
Ellie, help me see the light at the end of the tunnel here....if he is feuding with her about it, and I cheerfully stick with my plan and we have a good day....what will happen? plus I've gotta keep the June 1 date in mind.
I want so much to ask him to talk to me about stuff, to tell me what his plans/thoughts are. but I know I don't dare. DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE...........
, so what, is he talking with her about her going if I didnt?????