Hi Michele - I promised myself that I'd think through your points carefully, and just before we head off on our weekend, here I am
Quote: You can be spontaneous a zillion ways -- tell him you love him, breakfast in bed, have some unusual meal, DO A 180!
Yeah, I get this now H2H pretty much reminded me of the same thing, wonder why I got stuck down the he-is-not-doing-anything tunnel. So yes, we are off on a boating weekend up the river, courtesy of Slowly's inspired spontaneity
Quote: Have you read the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell? He says we are all experts in day-to-day living. You are the expert on your M. How do you think he's coping? Is that knowledge enough for you? Or is what you really want something different? Like a big "clear the air heart to heart". Or, in Betsey's terms, an "exit interview." Perhaps, in your case, "a re-entry interview."
I actually want the latter, but know better than ask for it, or even wish for it. NG will run a mile at the mere suggestion of a heart-to-heart. I'll just have to do my best to infer from all the other clues that he chooses to impart.
Quote: You don't have to be a clone of your spouse. You don't have to "match his energy." You just have to be yourself, and appreciate your differences.
Absolutely. But, I also agree with Sage's observation, filling up his love tank is also important. Sooo, I think I've worked out a plan for us both to be happy. I can tell when he is really looking forward to QT, and happily, it is the same times that I just need to take a break from myself too. Other times, when he is happy, I'm off on my own trips. Seems to be working OK.
Basically, I just need to slow down, which is good for me (too), and re-set my expectations a little. And now, as it is poets day (push off early, tomorrow is Saturday) we are off to the West Country for a relaxing weekend away from mobile phones and the Internet.
We'll be back by Sunday mid-day, see you then maybe Slowly
Hi Michele - Yes, I'm counting my blessings We got back about an hour ago, it was a fabulous break, we feel surprisingly recharged despite the physical work of managing a boat. Ready to get some homework done, we both have a busy work week ahead
My Cainercast for the week ahead looks promising
There are some websites from which you can find out exactly what's going to happen next in your favourite soap opera. If the show, though, is going to be the highlight of your evening, you surely don't want the information in advance. It is only going to spoil the suspense and limit the enjoyment. Now, with that in mind, let us turn to the next instalment in the ongoing saga of your personal life. If you don't want to know how things are going to turn out, look away now! An extremely pleasing outcome awaits you. But the effort to attain this may yet prove as rewarding as the result itself.
It sounds you are really doing a good job focusing on your next self lesson. This stuff is really hard though, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I know when I am learning something really tough about myself, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not always a pleasant feeling, but it's a cue that I'm <sigh> growing. It helps me keep it in perspective when I remind myself that I am a spiritual being having a human experience, rather than a human being having a spiritual experience. It helps me be more objective about the process, and it helps me move out of a victim mode into a learning mode.
Hang in there and have some fun. I'm extremely envious of the whole boating thing! What a great time!
Hi Slowly, thank you again for your encouragement!
This quote really stool out to me in your post. Enjoying the journey is something that I have very little experience in. I tend to be focused only on the destination. But by focusing only on the destination of our journey we are essentially wishing our lives away. It's time to enjoy what lies between where we are and where we want to be.
I understand the control issue - I too have issues with that. I've have learned that I can only control myself, I cannot control anyone or anything else. However, it has been difficult putting that into practice. I guess we just have to work on giving up control a little each day.
I have been lurking on your thread since jbrkln quoted you months ago on mine (I thought she was off her trolley at the time) and find them vrey helpful. thought this one was going to be more about what you specifically wanted but as TessaJ reminded me 'now' is what its all about not worrying about what if.
Slowly, The gentle, firm touch that you are using to DB adds such style. Rethinking, redirecting and sifting for the best method for sitch. I see that in your thread.
Do you have other books that are influencing your journey? I love books, so I thot there might be some more to explore.
Hi midip - Thanks for stopping by - I miss Jennifer too Yes, the thought of specifics was really about the difficulties I was having just enjoying the here and now. Seems like every so often, I need to remind myself that there is no 'destination' just an anjoyable journey.
Hi Tessa - Yes, the difficulty is certainly in shedding the habits of a lifetime. I see myself slipping back into control mode at the slightest provocation - ugh Which is why I'm still here - I think this is now a lifetime of dbing - there are so many more lessons for me to learn
I see myself slipping back into control mode at the slightest provocation - ugh Which is why I'm still here - I think this is now a lifetime of dbing - there are so many more lessons for me to learn
I can sure relate to this. Sometimes for me it's "control mode" but often it's "impatient, non-present, short-tempered mode" and occasionally it's "ASSuming the worst" mode. I could go on. It's nearly always as a result of stress or not taking good care of myself.
I feel like I NEED DB'ing in my life every day!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
H2H pretty much reminded me of the same thing, wonder why I got stuck down the he-is-not-doing-anything tunnel. So yes, we are off on a boating weekend up the river, courtesy of Slowly's inspired spontaneity 
