Thanks for the advice and encouragement. Last night he called after work and said he was going to his place to get some more stuff and would be over. Then he was going to a friends house. I decided I wasn't going to look like I was sitting at home doing nothing, so when he started to leave to go to his friend's, I picked up my purse and keys and started to follow him out. He said, "where are you going?". I told him I was going to visit a friend and I was sure I would be back before him.
I was gone for an hour and a half. And he was home when I got back! Hmmmmm!
Hey alaskangirl....I have some questions for you...
First a little background on me..last March, H came home from Vegas trip to tell me he was not in love with me and didnt wnat to be married. About April I found out he was having EA with old HS classmate that is also married and lives in Vegas. Well, last Sept, they both called it off...and he has been trying to save our marriage...said he at least owed it to me..but was not so positive about it. Was so dead set on not loving me, didnt think it would work.
So, we have had some rough roads since then, but seem to be moving closer together. He is just now letting me give him hugs and kisses....well kisses on the cheeks at least. Sometimes I am able to kiss him on the lips..if i sneak it in .
I too have become a different person in the past year...I dont nag, which was the biggest thing I think. I also have a life outside of our M.
So my question is, does there come a time when you still arent getting the needs met that you want, that its ok to ask for them? Or would that be pushing to much, especially if he's not ready yet. Honestly, I have only become "comfortable" with hugging him every day just in the past couple weeks. So do I wait until he is ready to start doing things on his own, or do I ask for them? Its just so hard...I do so much for him and the needs I am needing (affection, words of affirmation) I am not getting and it is really hard sometimes... Any advice??
I would make positive remarks when you do get what you want from him and reward him in some way when he gives you what you want, for now....reward him meaning doing something he likes, giving him a foot rub, whatever he likes.. However, when things get even better between the two of you and it doesn't sound like that's quite yet...then you can out right ask for what you want...
For now, however, I would stick to doing nice things for him after he's done something you like or need...and maybe letting him know that's why...
For example, maybe he likes homemade cakes...
Tonight, he snuggles you before leaving...you enjoy that.
Tomorrow, you bake him a cake and give it to him...tell him you really enjoyed yourself last night with him and you wanted to thank him for the evening. Leave it at that for a while..don't put too much pressure on him.
It works..but it sure takes time and yes, lots of energy and effort.
At some points, I thought, enough pampering this big Pr$$$! He has not been nice to me and he doesn't even admit his faults or say sorry!!! But, I kept on db'ing him and eventually, he came around...now, he's as sweet as pie most of the time and we are really happily in love again!
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