I am sorry about all that is happening with your D - I'm glad you are a doctor and at least you can diagnose it yourself (as opposed to others who would have no clue what to do). I know it doesn't make it any easier, though.
Good luck with everything, I hope it won't take a few years to straighten it all out.
I have seen and admired your posts on several threads. I just dropped in to check on your own thread and I read about your D. In my own family I have seen the damage that drug abuse can do, so I hope that this will be something that your family will overcome relatively quickly.
I agree with Maya about using the urinalysis alone to "find" the other drugs. Leave out the journal. On the KLA CDs, Michelle uses the story of a teen who becomes ever sneakier as the parents become ever more suspicious as an example of "solutions" gone awry.
Prayers,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
I'm not big on spying, but I do feel pretty strongly that sometimes, you just can't get anywhere until the cards are on the table. D needs to know that she no longer has us and her therapist snowed - AND that we won't allow her to sink further into her depression and hurt herself. She may complain, but I know from my experience with her eating disorder that deep inside she wants us to save her from her scary internal demons/ mental illness.
Now I have never believed in astrology, scientist that I am, although I've been impressed at some people's eerily accurate Cainercasts that they post on the board. So I bought People magazine this week, and thought I'd check the online forecast - here's my D's:
Some children, when ignored by their busy parents, deliberately behave badly. This makes the adults stop whatever they are doing to tell them off. It's not much fun but, for those with an emotional hunger, negative attention is often preferable to no attention. Might there be a trace of this psychology in your current attraction to a situation that can't be right? Do you feel that because you can't get what you want from somewhere, the next best thing is to get from that same place, what you don't want? Watch for that syndrome this week. Jupiter is now pulling you while Saturn is pushing.
Spooky, huh? (Although I OBJECT to the thought that I've ignored her - but certainly I wasn't watching as closely as was necessary, was I?)
Quote: Spooky, huh? (Although I OBJECT to the thought that I've ignored her - but certainly I wasn't watching as closely as was necessary, was I?)
I sure hope you're not holding yourself 100% for that? I sure as heck wouldn't. You're a busy mom with a lot going on, and you trusted her. I think it's reasonable to expect you to look away once in awhile--because we both know it's not from negligence.
The one thing about that eerie horoscope. It's not your perception of the issue, but hers.
You've mentioned having siblings--even your goofy older brother. When we were younger, we all had our own perceptions of our family life--and much of that had to do with birth order and the level of busy-ness going on in the family at the time.
My little bro had opportunity to slip under my parents' radar screen because my dad was holding down a second job to pay off his college loans and my mom was involved with PTA, girl scouts and a few other volunteer jobs.
He was smart enough to really figure out their weaknesses and orchestrated his timing absolutely perfectly. It took a few years to catch up with him.
It's not that you're not paying attention, Ellie. She just adapted around things. And I'd definitely like to reassure you that her truth ain't necessarily THE truth. Just a perception.
Keep on keeping on. I'm pulling for you. Especially your D.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: I sure hope you're not holding yourself 100% for that? I sure as heck wouldn't. You're a busy mom with a lot going on, and you trusted her. I think it's reasonable to expect you to look away once in awhile--because we both know it's not from negligence
Don't worry, Bets - I'm not beating myself up. Although she obviously abused the little bit of freedom we gave her, it really was nothing out of the ordinary - in fact, much less freedom than I enjoyed at that age (and I came from a fairly strict Catholic background). I still think it's not unreasonable to allow a high school freshman to walk to the bagel shop 2 blocks from school after school to hang out with her friends, or to attend a movie at the movie theater without a parent in attendance. Seemed like such safe, public spaces (and we live in a very safe area.)
I guess it just shows how much things have changed since my childhood - yes, it was the late 60s/ early 70s, everybody was smoking pot and doing whatnot (not me til college though, Catholic high school saved me from that) - but this darkness was not a part of it.
Ya know what, I might not be much help to you right now but I have SOME things to say about your sitch.
Your D and my X have issues with ED, your D is going through a stage of experimenting with drugs, light I'm sure. My X's crutch is not looking for SOMETHING to escape her problems but SOMEONE. In a nutshell KML, your D and my X are the same little girls they act like.
I am so proud of you for not rolling your D's ED under the carpet and calling it "teenage growing pains" like my in laws did. They just found ways to cope, not over come the problems of my X.
I have my 4 year old telling me that she wants to be skinny like mommy, I never want to be fat etc. Is it just my D wanting to be like mom or my D being influenced by her mother? I do not want to take chances. I've been trying to reason with my D, telling her things like "You are loved whether you are big or small, you sometimes cannot control your body, you might have to accept that you are tall, round, thin or small"
If you ever want to trade notes or ideas, I'll be around.
PS..........How's your married life going? You doing well?
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
Quote: PS..........How's your married life going? You doing well?
Quite well, thank you, Berto. H has been a real rock through this last week. He and I were supposed to go snowboarding together in Big Sky Montana next week for 5 days (he's lecturing there) but after reading that journal yesterday, I don't see how I can go. And we were SO looking forward to a romantic getaway together!
Funny little story about H though - when all this stuff came out about D and S and the pot, etc. - one of H's responses has been to insist to me that one of the things that we HAVE to change is that the kids are going to start keeping their rooms clean all the time.
I say it's funny because A) obviously I don't think room cleanliness will prevent drug use or eating disorders
B) their rooms can get cluttered at times but realistically, they are about in the middle of the curve for teenager's rooms, certainly not terrible. We do have a cleaning lady in every two weeks, so they never get that bad anyway, since they have to pick up before the cleaning lady comes.
C) I smile to myself because now I understand what is really going on - my H is the one who feels anxious if there is clutter, and since he's feeling really anxious about all this other stuff, the clutter is one thing he focuses on to control that would make HIM feel better.
And I smile because I understand that whole dynamic now (did I mention I think the OCD gene comes from H's side of the family ? ) and I no longer take it personally as an attack on my mothering and housekeeping, but simply realize that he will feel better if the kids keep their rooms neater.
D had some friends over for pizza and a movie last night. (One of the plans we came up with for keeping a social life as she transitions out of school). I was relieved to see that she invited mostly older friends from "before' this druggie period, nice girls that love my D and were very supportive through her ED struggles. I think this is part of my D realizing herself that she wants to back out of this dark world she has entered.
(D has also discovered a passion for cutting hair, after she successfully chopped her own hair off - with my permission - last month. She gave three of her friends haircuts last night - only after I got maternal permission though. Not simple trims - shags with bangs and stuff. Terrifying! ) Actually - here I've been thinking it is so weird, the haircutting - but I have always cut my H's hair ( a habit born of our poor student days, and now it's just more convenient) - so I guess she thinks it's just normal?
Okay - kids will be getting up soon, H comes home soon from a brief out of town trip, I will need to fill him in on the journal stuff before our meeting with D's psychologist this afternoon. Wish me luck!
Just wanted you to know I am behind you even if I don't have any pearls of wisdom to offer!
And what you said in your last post, about your H and D's room being kept tidy, so often what things are REALLY about are not the obvious things we think of at all, so best not to take things personaly, as a rule, AND not to assume...
Guess Livenlearn should take more of her own advice?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
When we were younger, we all had our own perceptions of our family life--and much of that had to do with birth order and the level of busy-ness going on in the family at the time. 
Bets 