Ok.. If this is not controlling what is??? My W called the OW last night and convinced her that I need to give my M another chance. Now they are friends its seems. Ow calls me and makes me promise her that I will give my m a month of trying to save it. Tells me that I need to stay with W for my son. Tells me that W loves me and I need to find a way to love her back.... OW told my W that all she had to do way listen to me and pay some attention to me and she had me. Wich is of course true. A woman finally showed me some attention and treated me the way I deserved to be treated and wham.....
What a mess I have on my hands... Basically she will step out of the picture and let my wife try to save our M...... She didnt want to be the cause of our divorce. Which isnt true. Dating her was a decision that I came too after I thought long and hard about giving up and moving on with my life. She was an unexpected bright ray of sunshine in my somewhat dark an dreery life. life.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
I just found out she logged back into my phone account, and called ow last night. Thats why the crap hit the fan today.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Kev, You owe it to yourself, your M and your W to give it a go. Invest in it. Be willing to try. What is a month? You sound like a regular MLCer I swear... you are hurt, and now you want to throw away what you have wanted for so long. So what if you dating brought your W back to you... give it a go. Open your heart. You will know if it is right or not.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Ok Ok.. I promosed my friend that I would. I told my W I would give it another try. I will give it a month... But if I dont feel things are right then I am gone.....
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
I agree that what you did on NYE was wrong. And there needs to be a pact with you and your W that NEITHER of you calls the OW right now. It isn't good for your M - if you choose to have one.
I know that talking with OW felt good, you had a great time - but new R's always do feel good! It's not the same as being in a longterm R with someone where there is good and bad.
You HAVE been through the wringer - as someone else has said, and you've put a lot of effort into this. This is the time to step up - IF your W really wants to be with you, and to work on it. Get some counseling and see if you can work out the M. But even if you moved out, stay away from OW and any other OW. It will make you feel less love for your wife.
Kevin, please, be fair to all of you. OW has been smart and understanding: she does not want to break up your M and your son's family. Do not risk getting into a R on the rebound.
Give your M your best try. You have nothing to lose. I understand your not trusting your W and your need for love and understanding. But be patient and give it your best shot: if it works, you will have saved your family and have a better and stronger M. If it does not work, you will know you did your best and the M was not salvageable, but you will not wonder about that 'what ifs.'
In any case, give yourself time to heal before entering into any type of R. We discussed that in detail last year on IM. Any W deserves a partner who is free to really love her, not divided or with doubts.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
OK Kevin...you are giving W another chance. MAke sure that chance is wholehearted though. Don't just sit there with your pouty face on waiting to pounce on the first thing that ddoesn't go your way. It sounds to me like you are just waiting for ANY reason to call it quits...say ,like the first time W disagrees with you or something?
Truly TRY and don't half-ass it. This is a win-win situation if you both go about it the right way. Regards, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Kevin - if she is on the boards she should also be DBing and not calling the OW, not begging, not any of that crap that we tried not to be or do when we are DBing. You both need to step up and be mature and responsible about making this work or it won't work. Do you think she's read DR? Have you? (I didn't go back and read your original posts). But I agree with what someone said - I'd give anything to have the opportunity to try with my h right now - he has moved out. You will need to DB and she needs to as well. A MC could help if you find one that is solution focused and not fault-finding. How about giving that a try - sometimes it is just how you say something that can make or break an intimate moment and learning how to do that would be good for both of you.
Really Sad- Yes, kevin's W is on the boards. She is also making the same mistakes that we all have made when we first come here...mistakes that Kevin himself made/makes time and time again. Neither one of them are saints by any means (who here could ever claim that?)and they have a lot of work ahead of them. The things is...are both WILLING to work as hard as the other or is this just going to be an instance of going through the motions and SAYING "I tried my damndest" without actually DOING it?
Is Kevin waiting for any mistakes so he can tell OW he "tried" without actually doing so?
Is Kevin's W waiting for Kevin to slide back into the "same-old" person so she has an excuse to return to her "cruising" online and treating him like crap?
I know from working with Kevin the last time he was here that he tends to only go half-way with things. If it is too hard or not what he WANTS to do...it just isn't going to happen. I fear we are looking at the same thing now. Kevin is enamored of the OW...I expect even MORESO since she told him she wanted to back-off. It gives the OW a modicum of respect..."Wow!...Here is a woman who cares about me enough that she will back off so i can work on my doomed M...how could i not be better off with someone like that?" Of course, the odds are good that he won't be better off. That "feel-good" feeling is new and fresh but it will wear off eventually...and she could be 10 times worse than his W. All OW will "sacrifice"...it makes them look good! Personally, I hope the OW listens to Kevin's W and runs away as far and as fast as she can. She'll respect herself more and be better off for it in the long run. If she pops back into the messy sitch it is only going to hurt EVERYONE concerned.
The big question is...will Kevin leave her alone and out of it and focus on what he has instead of worrying about what he doesn't have?
Regards, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
