I felt like she followed me and you guys know how confussing I can be at times!
She gave me homework, would you believe it is: How would I answer the miracle question, if I woke up and a miracle happened what would my life be like? I told her that is one of Michelle's questions.
She seemed interested in the website so I am going to e-mail her the address.
Have another appt. scheduled in 2 weeks and we are just sort of going to see how that works.
But I left with a very positive feeling. Of course I did all of the talking tonight.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I have to give her a chance to say if I am on track or need to look in a different direction! I didn't give her much chance to get a word in even edge wise tonight. But I was pretty wound.
I am taking that as a good sign that I am really ready to complete this journey of putting me together. It has been long and certainly not easy, but I am sure I have learned lessons I will never forget!
I hope this is something that is here to stay as well. I know I have to make it a choice to keep it here, but still tracking to see if I can come up with solutions to my downturns at work, especially in the afternoons.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I think I opened the scab and let the wound do a lot of draining the weekend of my van incident. That is probably a big part of why I have decided I am not going to be able to complete this journey without some professional assistance. That and the rapid mood swings that seem much worse stepping the ad's down. Also struggling more with some depression.
I also believe that gave me the oomph to really start pushing to do some healing and make some forward progress. So far I feel it has been rather blindly stumbling around, some progress forward along with some slipping backwards. I think I am close to finding the path to being in charge of myself and my life.
Obviously this isn't a good or rational way to deal with pent up emotions! I still have no idea what the consequences are going to be from this incident, but have decided I now feel like sharing it as a further way of catheterizing the wound. J wants to press charges but the deputy that was on the scene said that isn't up to her it is up to the prosecutor. He said I needed an attorney which is why I have new attorney.
D promised not to have J at our house on PK. We both still have possessions that need divided there that I can't get him together to work on. Mostly the wine collection, he has been taking the most valuable bottles I found when I moved and inventoried it the day after the incident. That was one of the reasons I didn't want J there as I felt she would encourage, suggest he take those bottles. Week before last I drove by and saw her van parked in the driveway. I pulled in driving my old van, accelerated to climb the hill and just didn't stop. I can't remember that being a conscious decision, but I know it isn't rational!
When she saw me pulling in she started backing up into the turn around spot but was not out of the driveway when I crested the hill, so my van hit her van. D was in the house and didn't come out for a long time. When he did all he did was yell at me a bit and then walk off. This is why I say he and I having any sort of interactions is through.
As I know this is NOT GOOD. But it certainly has motivated me to get my tail in gear and be pro active on working on myself again instead of just floating along! It did also help I believe with some of that pent up anger.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Gosh, must have felt good for just a second though, ramming her van Okay, that was bad of me, I know. But it kind of makes me think of those mastercard commercials:
New bumper for Dodge van - $800 Chiropractic visit - $250 Ramming the van of the slimy OW who stole your husband - PRICELESS!
That said - maybe you REALLY shouldn't be lowering your dose of antidepressant meds right now.
