Haven't heard from you in a while I wanted to check your thread to see what was happening. I'm glad you got to feel some contentment. Hopefully you will have more and more of those moments! I love spooning and for the brief time my H was staying here I would spoon him, unfortunately it was all me. Losing hope that I will be able to do that again but only time will tell. Trying to continue focusing on me and the kids.
Also happy that the Dr said your heart has alot of life left!
Thanks Joey and Day. I am working on the contentment thing.
Everyone here is the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: H MIGHT be moving home. The nut called me at five after five last night when I was at work. I was glad he called, because I wanted to tell him I was working late. I was standing there ankle deep (literally) in paper, and he said, "I just wanted to call because my lease is coming up to renew and I have to let these people know if I'm staying or not. I have to do it in writing by end of day today; and they'll only be there for another 20 minutes. So I just don't know if I should move home or not. Have we really solved anything?" I was stunned. When did he start thinking seriously about moving home? Why did I only get 20 minutes to convince him that our marriage could work? I was so incredulous I nearly laughed. He was going on about how angry I've been and how I don't feel like he's been doing anything for the marriage, etc. I couldn't believe he wanted to talk about this right that moment. We actually talked about it briefly, but there was no way to have a five minute "this marriage can be saved" discussion. Finally, I asked him if I could make a suggestion. I advised him to go ahead and give his landlords notice. Since nothing would happen over the weekend with regard to his apartment, he and I could have the chance to talk. He thought that was a good idea, so that's what he did. So we'll see.
Had a really down day today. H and I were supposed to go the Renaissance Festival, but we couldn't find the tickets. Of course, it was assumed that it was my fault. I didn't lose my temper, but I was pretty ticked. We have searched the house a dozen times and even drove to H's place to search there. To make matters worse we had other people's tickets so they're worth a lot of money. I've been obsessed with it all day, because it is likely that I did something with them and I hate being a flake. H finally told me to let it go... even conceded that although it is unlikely it is "possible" that it wasn't me who misplaced them.
There's been some R talk today. Most of it negative, none of it volatile. I'm doing well at keeping my cool even when he is horribly unfair, so I guess the Zoloft is working.
I'll keep you posted. Hope y'all have a good weekend. Take care. --z
H and I had a little R talk this weekend, but not much. He says now that he's angry or annoyed with me a lot, and that he doesn't feel like he can act like himself. Sometimes I wonder if he just doesn't steal my feelings instead of having original one's of his own. I talked about how I feel so much pressure to be perfect. I have to give him some credit for working on that one. We were waxing the cars yesterday; and he kept saying that little mistakes were okay.
We ended up having a long money discussion. It is the first time that we really talked about what we expected our lifestyle to be like in the future. We didn't make any firm plans, but we talked about what we each wanted. I thought it was very helpful.
We also discussed how we could get all of his furniture back into the house, since we've both expanded our furniture collection since he moved out. I have to remind myself that settling where to put things does not settle the issue of whether or not he will actually do it. I kept reminding him to be flexible, since he is very attached to a particular arrangement of his furniture. In the end we got a plan and he started reminding me every time he is flexible.
I asked him last night if he got to act like himself this weekend. I wasn't entirely able to understand his answer, even after he clarified. I "think" he was saying that he let his defenses down and tested the waters a few times. He didn't say it was a disaster, so I guess it must have worked out okay for him.
As for me the zoloft seems to be working. I'm generally in a good mood now. Even when H annoys me I feel like I have a little more perspective to think about it. I still need to work on not interupting him. Hope everyone has a good week. --z
You finally get to the point you want to be at and don't know where to go from there. I am very happy for you and I know that you will be able to make your M into the happy one you deserve. He has obviously been wanting to come home! Has your H read DB or DR? Maybe that would help if he is open to it. I know that mine wouldn't be.
Before I got DB and DR I read a book called "getting back together" I don't remember who wrote it and it's in my office right now. It has alot of the same concepts about working on yourself but there are also some relationship goals/values that it makes you write out. It may be a good book, I'm not to that point yet where I actually need that...hopefully someday!
Hey Z, haven't heard from you in a while and was wondering what your H decided to do with his lease. Hope things are going well and look forward to your update.
Hey all! I have a minor emergency, so if anyone wants to sound in I'd be grateful. Remember those lost Renfest tickets from last weekend. I came home and H had left them on the coffee table. Turns out he found them at his place. Now, I can't help but feel vindicated... and yes, I think I deserve an apology. So what is the best way to handle this. I don't want to say "Oh, it's okay." It wasn't. On the other hand, I don't want revenge... I just want to move on. Any thoughts???
I just got back into town after two days with at a judges' meeting. In some ways it's a really nice getaway, because we went to a ranch house in the middle of nowhere. I actually took ten minutes to watch leaves fall and bugs fly by. It was very relaxing, despite the fact I was working for two days straight. On the other hand, I missed my H. We talked a few times and I sent him a nice card, but that was it.
I came home tonight to find my apology, a spotless house, clean dogs and flowers left out for me. Ahhhhh... I think I'm in love. --z
So, I talked to H. I told him that he was right about me feeling awful about the missing tickets. I told him that he was so sure that I had misplaced them and I just couldn't remember anything about it. He said, "I know." Of course, I even thought up a way where it might still have been my fault that the tickets got lost in his possession. Naturally he liked that idea, although I don't think he understood that this is another example of how I take responsibility for everything and it's in direct conflict with his assertion that I never take responbility for anything. I should learn to keep my mouth shut. TTFN!
I was just reading DR and in chapter 8 Michelle talks about truce triggers...if you haven't read it in a while you may want to. It fits your situation!
Gotta love the clean house, dog and flowers...what I would give!
Lots going on in your world. I also recommend the Getting Back Together Book, it helped me when H moved back here. Another good book is Dance of Anger, it is about women and anger, mostly the cyclical pattern of anger we tend to have, the anger the boils below the surface Similar to some DB concepts, change one thing and change the cycle.
Watching leaves and bugs sounds like a refreshing change. H does sound like he needles you, is it a preverse type of pleasure on his part? Can you deflate it by agreeing with him and then dropping the subject? Or just keep making those lists of why life is better with H in it.
I love spooning and for the brief time my H was staying here I would spoon him, unfortunately it was all me. Losing hope that I will be able to do that again but only time will tell. Trying to continue focusing on me and the kids.