What you did to CAW was great. It seems that CAW is like my W. But my W acknowledged her R with the om. CAW still wants independent. So there is hope that she will grow personally and willing to try to have a R with you again. But of course it depends on whether you will accept her back.
My W is not looking for independence. She wants to jump from one R into another. She can't live alone.
Be kind to CAW while she is still with you. Let her remember your kindness before the S. If you want to continue DBing later on, you can use LRT. My 2 cents.
Well, I'm going to start here and finish via e-mail some time today. Like you, my work life is insane right now.
I am still amazed every time I read this post. Your capacity for love in the face of excruciating pain and hurt is so incredible that I admire you immensely. This statement cannot begin to express the awe that I feel in how you handled yourself through these conversations with CAW.
I do want to say something, though. You mentioned expecting CAW to return to more aloof behavior and grudge holding and being surprised at the level of warmth she displayed. KAW, I think you ought to take FULL credit for that swing, because my thoughts are that you are the reason she didn't need to run away and hide inside her head and project that anger on to you.
I just want to put your picture next to the word CLASSY in the dictionary, because you deserve it.
I can only say, if I was joined by Sue and Mooka on your shoulders, I'm proud of that. Because it is YOU who have provided help and inspiration to all of us here for so long. Friend, you have so much to offer--as a human, a man, a friend, a husband, a father, a lover. And CAW is going to rue the day she let you go... one day.
And I suspect she is going to be sitting in a pool of algae and swine the day she does--along with the wives of Merrick, Hud, Wiley, Triple J, Berto and Seattle as well. These women have no idea how hard you men have worked at this. I find it awe inspiring.
If there is any silver lining for you right now, the fact that she agreed to share D11 with you is it. I'm glad she feels that you can do that.
I won't kid you, though. There are going to be times when just being nice to her is going to stretch you. I know you'll do it, but don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself struggling with it. I consider myself a pretty considerate person, and I struggled for a few months. Of course I wasn't as DB enlightened as I am now, but hey, we're all human.
And nobody said we had to like this path.
I'm going to close with this thought: May 2005 be the year for KAW. The year where he puts his needs and desires first. The year where he sees his worth as a man. The year where fulfillment is achieved. And may there be the possibility of a love for you that you want and deserve.
Big hugs.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I don't want to say I'm sorry for the recent turn of events because I'm not fully sorry. What in heavens name could I mean by that? Well, as you are sure finding out a tension has been lifted, the eggshell walk has been shifted.
It always amazes me how the was often initiates shortly after a discussion of things being "over" for the m. It must have something to do with letting the secrets out thus bringing the two closer despite the content of the "secrets" lending in another direction.
I have no doubt you will get through the next few weeks with grace and ease.
I don't really want to say it aint over til it's over but...
Quote: ...my thoughts are that you are the reason she didn't need to run away and hide inside her head and project that anger on to you. I just want to put your picture next to the word CLASSY in the dictionary, because you deserve it.
and this:
Quote: May 2005 be the year for KAW. The year where he puts his needs and desires first. The year where he sees his worth as a man. The year where fulfillment is achieved. And may there be the possibility of a love for you that you want and deserve.
That truckload of integrity you've been carting around is sure in evidence. Mostly, I am just impressed. This path IS hard sometimes. And I'm not nearly as skilled a hiker on it as you are.
Quote: I won't kid you, though. There are going to be times when just being nice to her is going to stretch you.
Well that didn't take long to happen ... Every waking moment for the last week she is only focused on being on her own.
Last night was definitely the worst. Yesterday, CAW went the apartment to give it a cleaning and I had to work a 12 hour shift. After an hour commute home, enter the house and the living room and kitchen were a shambles and CAW was laying in bed. I proceeded to make myself dinner around the filth and eat. D11 apparently already helped herself to a dinner of junk food from the wrappers all over the place. Afterwards, I proceeded to spend another hour cleaning up so that I could get to the point of readying myself for another day's work the next day so I can make as little noise as possible at 4:30 in the morning and yes, I have to work all weekend. So after being up at 4:30am, I was not able to come to rest until 8:30 pm. While CAW stayed laying in bed watching TV, she senses I was a bit angry, says, "Sorry but after cleaning to the apartment I was too tired to anything more around here." Like putting gasoline on the fire. I just replied "Whatever" and we didn't speak any more. So I just fortified her perception that I'm just an angry person that she can no longer live with. PERIOD. I sooo much want to tell her off ... "Yes, I'm angry because my life sucks right now and I have you to thank for it!", but I holding it in. <Whew> but it does feel good to let it out so someone can hear tho. This week, I've really been letting the rope drop. Never thought I'd say this, but I starting to regret she's going to take me up on my offer and stay around for another week so I can help her with moving some furniture. So now I have to hold on for another week.
I noticed a typo in my last post. I had felt thruout all out conversations that she was holding back certain things (mostly about OM) This week D19 confided in me about what CAW told her at the time she informed D19, which was shortly after she obtained the loan.
CAW wrote OM a letter. In the letter she wrote she needed to talk to him about their future. OM's W ended up reading the letter and contacted CAW on her cell which apparently lead to the fury of phone calls between the two numbers over the two day period I noted. In the immediate aftermath is when CAW aquired a bank loan in person. The fall out between CAW & OM seems to be her statement that she has realized that they have no future together, but apparently she also believes she and I don't either.
I'm putting this all here to help remind me that not only does she need to be on her own to sort all the turmoil going on in her head, but its going to take a long ... Long ... LONG time for her to figure any good from all this ... 2005 ... ??? ... I see myself forever tied to this murk ... unless I'm to shove her in a closet and throw away key. (Figuratively speaking that is...)
Sage and Mattie thanks for dropping out of lurk mode to lend your support. You're right Mattie, I'm in much better shape to deal with this than I was two years ago.
HON, Slowly, Raindeer, wonder, Lostove, Shiny, TripleJ, Merrick, PnB Your support is boosting for sure. Thanks for the vote of confidence that I will get thru this with grace, but I asure you I feel like I'm stumbling at best.
I noticed no one touched on my naked roommates comment. So I'm going to ask again ... Am I the only one that thinks its strange that ...
her every thought in my presence is about being on her own and yet this woman is so at ease with going to bed next to me in the buff every night. Doesn't that strike you as weird? It's got me thinking, is it possible to become too comfortable with being around some one that you experience such a lack of interest for that person? Around the board, you read about creating mystery to shake the other up a bit. Maybe that is what I have fail to do up to this point? Could it be that she thinks she knows me so well that like with a worn out book, there is no longer any interest reading. I wonder if I need to tear out a few pages and rewrite some new ones to cause some intrigue? Something to think about.
Betsey 
... Every waking moment for the last week she is only focused on being on her own.
This week, I've really been letting the rope drop. Never thought I'd say this, but I starting to regret she's going to take me up on my offer and stay around for another week so I can help her with moving some furniture. So now I have to hold on for another week.
(Figuratively speaking that is...)