Friday after work I got a new car, I have been contemplating purchasing a new car for the last several months. By the time I was on my way home from the dealership Xh was on my side of town... He stayed the night with me, saturday I had to finalize the paperwork and Xh went to get his windows tinted. We had made plans to get together later that evening. By the time I got done running my errands it was early evening, I contacted Xh to tell him I was on my way but I had to stop by and have ANOTHER paper signed by the guy I used to date. I asked him to go with me and he declined. I got to the place idiot works and he put me off for about an hour, by the time I finally had him sign the paper Xh was already on his way to his cousins house for a party, I told him I would just meet him there. So okay I FINALLY get to his cousins house, Xh greeted me happily. A while later I went inside with his cousins wife and we start girl-talking. This is when things get confusing... Xh always tells his friends and family that I had a breast augmentation so conversation quickly turned to this subject. Typical questions, When, size before & after, etc. Then the big question of what they look like. I didn't see a problem showing them, Well needless to say he was pissed. Granted these are just my thoughts, I could be totally wrong. There was no telling what he was thinking about what had happened between me and my x, and he had been drinking for a while before I even got there and I had been there for a couple of hours so that is more drinking but why is it okay for him to grab them grope them and fondle them infront of god and everyone but it is not okay for me to show them off???? He was very cold and distant, then he leaves. I call him and tell him that I think we need to talk, he said "I think so" we meet down the street in a gas station parking lot, we talk, he yells, I cry. He tells me that "your single, I'm single" I said I did not consider myself to be single, he then says "We talked about this" Well if that is the case and we are "single" I have one question... Why is he so darn mad if we are not "together"? So what is it, We are together when it is convenient and not together when that is convenient as well? Utterly confused is what I am. Sunday we talk a few times nothing really about what had happened the night before. Monday we talk several times throught the day and we both acted as if nothing was wrong. Me on the other hand; I am beating myself up about the arguement we got into and wondering how far back this is going to put us... Monday evening we talk and he tells me how tired he is, I suggested he take a nap, he asks me to call and wake him in an hour, so like a good little girl I do. I am so upset!
Long story short, things are not the same so it looks like I have no choice but to go dark again... The good news is that for the next couple of weeks I am going to be so busy packing, I (hopefully) will not have time to throw myself a pitty party. Time to pick myself up, dust myself off and boost my PMA. Things will work out.
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
There are going to be arguments, normal as can be..
You're dealing with a guy who appears to living out two lifestyles, unsure of what he wants in the COMMITTMENT end of things.. You seem to know what you want, he doesn't, so, UNTIL HE FIGURES IT OUT, don't GIVE any more than you are GETTING, and pull back just a bit as you suggest.. When you continually GIVE to someone who is UNCERTAIN about what you are GIVING, STOP GIVING so much. As you've seen time and time again in your sitch, when things take on friction and you LET GO, a little, things seem to get better.
Go dark, back to the basics, you know the routine. I'd probably begin contemplating what it is that you EXPECT out of him rather than trying to live up to his expectations all the time. It appears to be pretty one sided as of late...NOT GOOD..
Go out and have fun, stay busy, turn up the HALO CONFIDENCE a notch and let him come to you...AGAIN..
Hi Halo and Wiley~ I have followed this sit since you first came into piecing!
I have been so impressed with the way you have handled things Halo! Your sit is very simular to mine. We are D but still remain friends.
Thanks for sharing your journey.
Wiley this post really struck a cord with me. You have such a way of presenting that LET GO side. If I may impose for a moment of you time on my thread. I so much further in dropping the rope and letting go. If you could see anything I am missing? Water's thread
Thank you both for you wisdom! And blessings to you! Blessings Water
I have put way more into this R than I have gotten back. At first I thought it was just because he was scared the me I appeared to be was not actually the me I am. At this moment I have to disagree with my first impulse, I have given this man sufficient evidience and examples that the me I am is not going to change. At the end of our M I did not make Xh feel very loved or appreciated, the positive attention I have been giving him for the last several months is a form of my 180. The extra effort I have taken to make sure Xh feels appreciated and loved has backfired. I am giving everything I have to this R and I feel like I am not getting much in return. I have backed of for the last few days, Xh has noticed and is giving me tons of attention. Why does it take me backing off and going dark for him to give me the attention and love I deserve? I had dinner with a friend Tue night, it was nice. We chatted and had a delightful evening . Last night I had big plans to just relax at home and do nothing. I was soaking in the tub when Xh calls me he tells me that he was at my apartment, I told him that he would have to wait for a few minutes because I was in the tub and I needed to rinse the conditioner out of my hair etc. We talked and had a nice evening. It was a really nice surprise seeing him yesterday, I have had such a rough, stressful week at work. So WTF Saturday he tells me that we are "both" single, Monday he acts like nothing happened, Tuesday he tells me that he is ready to have a baby, he talks about starting our new life together, he wants to look for a place for us to live etc. Wednesday he stops by my apartment (it's not like it is just down the street: it takes about an hour to get from one place to another) and again he brings up the baby and what size apartment he wants us to get until we build "our" house. Am I the one that is crazy or is it him??? Anyone have any advise?
I'm still bathing in the sun and enjoying the tropical drinks, I am just applying lots of sunscreen. LOL
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
He seems to still be crazy... still battling his demons.
My H has filed. Now the bb is telling me to make sure he knows I care about him. I don't have a clue what to do. We have talked twice, very honest, good talks, but the last one was last Friday. I was feeling ok about things, now I feel lost.
Any thoughts?
Where in TX are you?
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: He seems to still be crazy... still battling his demons.
At-least it's not me. LOL
Quote: My H has filed. Now the bb is telling me to make sure he knows I care about him. I don't have a clue what to do. We have talked twice, very honest, good talks, but the last one was last Friday. I was feeling ok about things, now I feel lost.
IMHO he knows you care..... You said you have talked a couple of times and have had open and honest talks. Well, thats a good thing, feeling lost is pretty standard in this type of sitch. Where is your thread? I'll come visit you.
I am in Houston.
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Slowly 
