Well all. Here I am in my new digs. Like them? Come on in, I put in bedroom suites for all my friends, and a HUGE pool for y'all to come swimming in. Margaritas and virgin margaritas for all!
Boy do I miss my friends Dazed and Renew. It sure isn't a party without them. Thanks to you both for all your wisdom and 2x4s to get me here. I hope you are still there to read this and things are going OK for you. Taking care of yourselves.
For the rest of you that are still out there, thank you.
I have been teetering on the edge of feeling really, really good for the first time in a year about where I am, to feeling really, really crappy about where I am.
I know one thing. We are not getting a divorce. H is committed to this M and he is willing to do virtually anything to get back the love.
Over the last few days and weeks, he has told me the following positives. 1. He has one failed M, and doesn't want another 2. He loves me, just doesn't feel "in love" with me 3. I am his best friend and he loves to spend time with me 4. His EA is over and he will tell me any time he has any contact with her 5. He realizes that the EA was an attempt to heal from the emotional pain he was in and she was a symptom, not the cause of or cure for his pain 6. The R is far from perfect from his perspective, but he can’t think of anything he needs to have changed. He sees my changes and appreciates them all, and he appreciates me. 7. He knows how much I love him because my “clothes are still in that closet, even after all he has put me though” 8. Last night, he gave me the password to his email for his cell phone as a sign of trust in me that I will not snoop. I don’t intend to betray his trust – AT ALL 9. He feels that we are making progress, he realizes that we have been getting along better 10. He once again sees attractive traits in me. He thinks I’m pretty, cute, sexy, funny, and fun. Where before he would stare at me blankly at my attempts at being cute or funny, now he laughs and pulls me closer to him.
More positives 1. He is still in the process of reading the book “The Truth About Love and How You Can Make It Last Forever.” 2. We are still in the process of watching the Marriage Breakthrough tapes 3. He agreed to read much more, and allow me to read to him more – articles, books, tapes, whatever it takes to learn about love and how to create it and keep it in our lives. He still doesn’t want to see a MC, but agrees to learn as much as if he were a MC himself. 4. Last night, I read to him the first three chapters of The Five Love Languages. 5. We had a discussion after I read him those chapters about how Hollywood makes us believe that you fall in love and stay in love, and if you fall out, it wasn’t the real thing. That if you fall out of love, you leave and look for love again. He agreed that it makes perfect sense that Mother Nature gives us some powerful chemicals to get high on during the beginning stages of love so that she secures the continuation of the species. That it also makes perfect sense that the high won’t continue forever or else we would never get anything done in this world. Being in love and being a good employee (or boss) are almost mutually exclusive as when you are in love, you think of nothing else. He also admitted to believing in the fiction of the “in love” experience Hollywood portrays. I think his eyes are opened now to the truth about love. 6. We discussed how some people chase love forever and never settle down. He said he does not want that. He wants a love where two people get along and love each other and know one another. The security that comes from that. But he also misses being “in love” and wants it back. I told him how I have met and talked to people and read books that say that once you learn to make the conscious decision to love one another and let that love grow, the love is MORE powerful and enticing than the chemical high can ever be. We talked about how I was doubtful of that also in the beginning, but I believe it can be true. That we can get the love back, but we must be willing to do the work.
Most important? HE IS READY, WILLING AND ABLE TO DO THE WORK NECESSARY, AND IS RIGHT THERE WITH ME. HE WANTS THIS R TO WORK AND IS FULLY AND COMPLETELY COMMITTING TO MAKING IT WORK BETWEEN US. Yay oh yay oh yay!!!!!
OK, so, I have one negative. He doesn’t feel “in love” with me anymore. Who cares? It will come.
Oh, did I say YAY!!!???!!!
We’re here, guys, we’ve arrived. I finally feel secure and happy and safe again. I feel that our lines of communication are open, H is ready to commit back to me, no one else is going to interfere with us. And we are on our way to the happy, healthy, loving M I and we have always wanted.
Oh, I thought my PMA was up before. If it weren’t for the food poisoning I got from eating out last night on our date night, I think I would be the happiest I have ever been since our wedding day.
Everyone, I am feeling so much love right now I hope you can all feel it spilling over. Take some and spread it around. I am not one of the only success stories, I am just one of the only ones that stuck around long enough to bother telling about it. It does work, have faith -oh, and don't forget the hard work.
We can all do it, all it takes is doing what works - journalling was vitally important to be able to decipher what worked and what didn't - and never giving up the hope - or more importantly - the absoulte sure belief that the D will never arrive. Once you give in and believe it's over, you may as well lay down and wait for it.
Great news. I see that you have leart ALOT during this process and the fact that were able to recognize and improve your attitudes and your behaviors indicates a promising future for your M. There is still alot of hard work to do to pull it off however, I have every confidence that you will get there.
I think the success in this success story is how you overcame yourself and turned into a woman any man with half a remaining brain cell would die for. Well done.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Thanks to you both for all your wisdom and 2x4s to get me here. I hope you are still there to read this and things are going OK for you. Taking care of yourselves. 
