Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[DnJ]

Good Morning g

I’m glad D18 got to her event on time. Flat tires and such never happen at a good time. Just got to go with it. Good thing you left early in case of the unexpected.

Thinking on the fractures represented by events. Grandparents driving on their own. XW driving on her own. Me, with my three who didn’t want to go with grandparents, didn’t want to go with XW.

There is a lot of collateral damages in these situations. Some fractures never really heal.

Nice to see Grandma and Grandpa supporting their grandkids’ eduction. If I may suggest, have your kids write their grandparents and thank you letter. From my Mom’s experiences, she shares with me, the thank you and acknowledgements from my kids of the gifts and support over the years really warms her heart.

Hope you have a great weekend, and your dreams turn to other than tires.

D

[grok]

I am sure you know the answer to that question

He knows the deal

I like to think he does. I recognize it could be my ego. I am trying to be very careful about mind reading. Things I know. (After all, I was VERY wrong about where my XW's mind and heart were.) He was not interested in my views early on in this tragedy. My one attempt at talking about it was shut down:

G, "I know W has been talking to you about us. I don't know what you know or what she has told you."
XFiL, "You two will work it out." and left.

I am learning to observe behaviors and emotions instead of listening to the meaning of words. This goes against my natural inclinations as a logical person and military experience where clear and concise communications are required.

My parents pointed out it could be that I've always been the one to handle money. I tried to interest XW. It never worked.

There is a lot of collateral damages in these situations. Some fractures never really heal.

Showing the lie in adults saying, "It's OK. Kids are resilient."

I thought the analogy would be - Say I smashed your face in with a baseball bat...breaking all your bones. You go to the hospital for many weeks. You do heal ... though with scars and pains for the rest of your life. See!! You are resilient and can lead a good and productive life anyway, right?! Aren't you stronger now that you went through that?!

Nice to see Grandma and Grandpa supporting their grandkids’ eduction. If I may suggest, have your kids write their grandparents and thank you letter. From my Mom’s experiences, she shares with me, the thank you and acknowledgements from my kids of the gifts and support over the years really warms her heart.

Agreed! My thought was to have them write a thank you each time they expended funds for classes or whatever. A direct connection to what their generosity funded.

Hope you have a great weekend

Thanks DnJ, I claimed my weekend Joy

Joy - Kings Kaleidoscope

Standing in a river of my second guesses
Don't believe it when I'm praying to afraid to pray you'll stir the water somehow
....
I'm giving in
I'm ready to backdown
....
I'm giving in
Never looking back now
....
Down in my heart
Down in my heart (My joy again)
Down in my heart to stay

g

[MamaG]

Hey G - how's it going? Anything new?

[grok]

Hey MamaG, {{hugs}} and seeing again many parallels with your latest post.

Wow, has it been three weeks? Whew! Lots of bits and pieces to tell. XW behaviors and I'll need some feedback... A conversation yesterday resulted in a few "aftershocks" running through me. ... resisting the pull of my melancholy side.

Maybe I'll have the time and energy to tell the tale later this week as I'm on travel again. Clarksville, TN this time. An acoustic sensor that tells the operator what it hears and in which direction it is coming from...

Time and energy... yeah. Some weeks I more just focus in with me and mine. Sometimes not more to give...though I know I can't stay there. I met in person for a bit with the church pastor again and filled him in on how things were going since we last talked in person more than six months ago. As we talked I realized 80%+ was about my three children...when he pointedly asked, "G, but what about YOU? What can I do to help?"

I thought a bit. Peopling is needed. Especially building a wider net of men around me. So he introduced me to a member who has a motorcycle shop and a group who go riding at least once a month.

Now for the motorcycle. I did get the helmet and gloves after all. Perhaps it will be part of my ocean...

Some Say the Ocean - The Hip Abduction

Well I’m dreamin’ of a place far away
There’s something calling my name

And my heart is losing touch day by day
Need more than just an escape

Far from the city and dread
Somewhere that time don’t change

Some say the ocean
Under endless skies
Will bring you back to life
For the rest of time

Some say the ocean
Helps leave it all behind
Can even free your mind
A soul unconfined

give it a listen and let the feels flow out

g

ps. a reggae spin now. It started when the children and I went to the beach for the first time this year. Though I end up with diverse playlists. Mountain biking Saturday in the mid-day heat, 94F and 99% humidity, to a playlist Spotify generated and called: techno house balinese ibiza island music beach reggae local boating roots hippie

sometimes I have to laugh and roll eyes at myself