Second roller coaster ride (2)

[Ready2Change]

...how to manage those overwhelming times where grief and sadness....

Us men have lots of repressed emotions. It is important to let them out and feel them during this process. Plan safe times and places so that you can release them, otherwise they come out uncontrolled and at the wrong magnitude when triggered. I always feel better after a good cry. Anger can be channeled into a good workout or other productive activity.

[Card29]

It’s insane the difference in my mood from night to morning. Nighttime, I’m relaxed, at ease. Morning, life seems impossible, new dreadful thoughts every day, dreams that send me off the deep-end when I wake up. Ugh

[Pattnee5]

I think morning are hard because you have come off no sleep, wake up and the mind is buzzing. By the end of the day you’re too exhausted to care. Well that’s how it was for me in those early days. I’m not sure about best ways for men to deal with those repressed emotions. As a female all we do is talk talk talk. Nothing stopping you talking. It’s better than bottling them up. Different people would give you different opinions but it’s good to just let it out. I would often cry and punch the living daylights out of a pillow then jump in the shower and feel better. Amazing what can help. I never believed anyone when they said the episodes would stretch out and the crying will stop. Feels like an eternity ago. Keep moving forward and keep doing positive stuff for yourself everyday. It really helps to re-shift that focus back on yourself. You’re absolutely doing awesome.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Card

It’s pretty common for one to be more emotional in the morning. A technique that works for a lot of folks is to allow yourself to feeling your emotions for a set amount of time, then get on with your day.

We you get up, set a timer for ten minutes. Let your feelings go wherever they will. Impossible, dreadful, worry, fear, sad, sorrow, etc. The purpose is acknowledgement, to let those feelings be heard and expressed. Trying to stifle our emotions just bottles them up and we become a pressure cooker.

After the ten minutes, stop. Utilize the stop sign. Imagine a big red stop sign. Rein yourself in, and get ready for your day. This “controlled” feeling helps with detachment.

Attachment is the uncontrolled being emotionally dragged around, here you are purposely allowing your feelings and then pausing them. Note, the stop sign “stops” for the moment, you are really only pausing your feelings.

You can perform this technique through out the day as well. Find a safe place and just feel for a few controlled minutes. Then pause and continue. As you progress, the time between pauses gets longer. The number of necessary pauses through the day becomes less and less, until only the morning one is left. Eventually that ten minutes becomes five, then three, then one, and then zero.

So much positive stuff happens when one embraces that which they can control. You can only control your thoughts, actions, and reactions. The above technique utilizes and strengthens your control and discipline of self. One of the best discipline techniques is allowing yourself to feel in a safe manner and environment.

D

[Card29]

I think morning are hard because you have come off no sleep, wake up and the mind is buzzing. By the end of the day you’re too exhausted to care. Well that’s how it was for me in those early days. I’m not sure about best ways for men to deal with those repressed emotions. As a female all we do is talk talk talk. Nothing stopping you talking. It’s better than bottling them up.

I'm sleeping ok, I'm just miserable when I wake up. The meditation app is helping to at least slow the train down. Also, I don't have a problem opening up. In fact I tend to overshare. But I've found 2-3 people (sister, male cousin, best friend) that have been open ears to me. My best friend talked me off the ledge yesterday afternoon.

I have not had a real cry about this yet, which is concerning to me. I bawled my eyes out in D#1. Clearly I haven't let the knot loose yet.

[Card29]

Hi DnJ

It’s pretty common for one to be more emotional in the morning. A technique that works for a lot of folks is to allow yourself to feeling your emotions for a set amount of time, then get on with your day.

We you get up, set a timer for ten minutes. Let your feelings go wherever they will. Impossible, dreadful, worry, fear, sad, sorrow, etc. The purpose is acknowledgement, to let those feelings be heard and expressed. Trying to stifle our emotions just bottles them up and we become a pressure cooker.

After the ten minutes, stop. Utilize the stop sign. Imagine a big red stop sign. Rein yourself in, and get ready for your day. This “controlled” feeling helps with detachment.

Attachment is the uncontrolled being emotionally dragged around, here you are purposely allowing your feelings and then pausing them. Note, the stop sign “stops” for the moment, you are really only pausing your feelings.

Thank you for this image. Several of these times, I've realized that the hamster wheel just wasn't going to stop so I had to just start moving or do something. I will try envisioning a STOP sign. I just did it at my desk. It worked for like 5 minutes, but still with a burning sensation in my chest and stomach, but was able to work. Then the thoughts were back. STOP again.

You can perform this technique through out the day as well. Find a safe place and just feel for a few controlled minutes. Then pause and continue. As you progress, the time between pauses gets longer. The number of necessary pauses through the day becomes less and less, until only the morning one is left. Eventually that ten minutes becomes five, then three, then one, and then zero.

In my brain I know it will start to get easier (at some point). In my gut it feels like this is the rest of my life. I know it's not true, but it feels true. And I know it's not true because I've survived this before. I just haven't reached that belief yet. I know hundreds of people have come through here and went through the same thing. I know the path is there, I just can't see it yet.

Thank you all so much for your support. I need as much as I can get right now. I finally get to see my best friend today. We're meeting at the gym on our lunch breaks.

[Card29]

The anxiety of today is around W's apartment, which I knew she was going to get, but also about to enter a 2nd co-parenting schedule. Trying to coordinate that with two people and two kids to ensure they spend time together.

And this may sound minor to some, but I'm really going to miss our dog. It has been her dog from the beginning. She had him before we moved in together, and he 100% sees her as his leader. I'm not arguing it. But I've known him almost as long as I've known W. Knives flying in from all directions.

[Card29]

And now this text from W:

"My apt move in date is Sept 17. I am meeting with a lawyer this week. I think the divorce will be filed uncontested, hopefully you agree. If you think otherwise, you're going to have to find separate counsel. Please let me know."

[DnJ]

Hi Card

Have separate counsel regardless. Your lawyer will ensure your interests.

All you need do is let your L look over things sent from W, and respond accordingly, and respond through your L. Just respond, leave the heavy lifting to W. If she’s after a blistering fast pace she can do the work for it. You don’t block her, yet you don’t pave her road either.

And don’t feel pushed to accept anything she proposes. You can reject or negotiate better, especially if she’s eager. Ensure you get a fair deal. Know the best, worse, and likely outcomes, and go from there.

D

[Card29]

I really just want to tell her one time how hurtful and BS this is