A new issue for me

[bttrfly]

Hi Tad, so nice to see you. I'm rarely here myself these days, but I'm glad I popped in to find a post from you.

I get it --- really I do. Been discussing some of this with a dear friend who is widowed and whose son passed away four years ago - her only child. She's facing a surgery tomorrow, and doesn't have an emergency contact. She's about 1000 miles away, so I can't help her. We've been friends since 1986. I feel it as well, because until recently I didn't feel like my son was a good candidate for my emergency contact.

I had the realization on Christmas day last year that, while it wasn't a fear, I certainly did not intend to live my life alone. It became a conscious decision to do something about that. I tried dating apps for a few months and learned a lot about myself - mostly what I do and do not want vis a vis relationships, so for me that was a great learning experience.

I've joined MeetUp and have gone to one function that was so much fun. They hold it every month, have done so for years, and most folks are regulars. I suggest something like that, just to get out and do stuff you are interested in and may find a real affinity for, as well as meet like-minded souls.

I would absolutely NOT engage with your drug addicted brother. I think your decision to separate yourself, while painful, was the wisest one, for obvious reasons. The last thing you want is to be in a vulnerable position with an active addict having access to you!

I'd have a frank conversation with the son you feel closest to, if emergency contact is something you're concerned about.

In the meantime, force yourself to engage with others in the real world (not cyberspace). Baby steps, Tad. How do you feel about volunteering somewhere locally? That's also a great way to meet people.

Good luck, chin up! I'm a few years older than you - if I can do it, you can!!! xoxoxo

[tadpole1025]

Hi DnJ and bttrfly.

Whew. There's a lot to soak in here.

I don't really mind being by myself (not alone) I really don't. I just worry and worry too much about "what ifs.".

I guess I should start making plans like you said DnJ.

Bttrfly, as for my brother, I will not be contacting him. I don't trust him and don't want or need to be around his lifestyle.

DnJ, I'm pretty sure that your post sets the record for one of the longest posts in history. Please don't take that the wrong way. It's just a lot to decipher.

As for sons moving. I guess I just assumed that all of us would always stay in Arizona. You'd think that I would have learned my lesson about assuming things from BD.

I do have a couple of breaking news items:

1.Son #4 is NOT moving to California. Matter of fact, he told me today that he is staying in Arizona and looking to buy a house here.

2.I joined the Audubon Society today! It's a first step right? It's a start. I will check their calendar and see if there are any events coming up that I can participate in.

I will keep you posted.

I'm off to spend the evening with my kitty cats. (I call them "the divas" because they are spoiled rotten.)

Take care and thanks for the responses.

Tad

[DnJ]

I joined the Audubon Society today!

Good for you!

[job]

Tad,

I am so glad that your son has opted to stay in Arizona.

I am so proud of you! The first step has been taken...you have joined the Audubon Society! I think you will enjoy the activities that they have. Take lots of photos!

One last thought, have you given any thought to becoming a zoo member? You have taken some beautiful photos of the animals that really do look professional. They may be interested in having you take photos and putting them in their magazines periodically.

Is there a photography club in your area? You might want to look into that as well.

One step at a time. Give the divas a hug and kiss for me. They are so beautiful.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Job.

Yes, I love the zoo. I was a member for a while, but didn't renew because it hurts to walk a lot these days. That's another reason that I haven't taken many pictures lately. If my legs don't bother me, my back does. If my back doesn't bother me, my legs do. But....I'm going to give it another go when it cools down enough in October/November. Maybe earlier.

Not sure about a photography club. I'll check around.

I will tell the divas you said hello and give them hugs and kisses.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

So....I signed up for an open house at the Audubon Society on September 9th.

Now, I just have to make sure that I don't chicken out.

Tad

[bttrfly]

Baby steps. You're doing great! Very proud of you Tad. I know how intimidating it can be to step out of our comfort zones ... Have you checked out any MeetUps in your area?

Also, I'm really glad your son isn't moving away.

Thinking you could maybe start small by hosting one of your sons for dinner at your place? Something you said in an earlier post about them having their own lives really resonated with me .... my son and his gf are living together next door to me, but I don't see them that much because I've intentionally been keeping distance to give them privacy. Turns out, I've inadvertently made them feel like I didn't want to spend time with them, lol. They kinda want Mom around a bit more than I realized. Just sayin, you may find that's true with your boys also. Start small - maybe meet for lunch or coffee? Would it be a stretch to eventually have that turn into a potluck family dinner once a month ??

Just some thoughts on a sunny Thursday xoxo

[tadpole1025]

Hey bttrfly.

I signed up for email alerts for Meetups, but haven't done anything yet.

I actually talked to one of my sons last night. We are having breakfast on Saturday.

I'm off to work! Blehh...

Tad

P.S. I love the quote at the end of your signature.

[job]

Tad,

Reaching out can sometimes be the hardest part of the journey. I'm glad you are having breakfast with your son.

One step at a time and just breathe! Try to keep an open mind when you go to the meetings. Sometimes it takes a couple of meetings before things begin to "click".

I know it's been extremely hot in your area and you are wise to wait until later in the fall to venture to the zoo.

Hang in there!

[bttrfly]

great job all around!

Re: Meetups: I found that there's not really a plethora of events I'm all that interested in that sync with my calendar, but I hung in there and did go to one event and I'm really glad I did. It was a lot of fun and I will go to the next one they hold. So, my point is, patience and courage mon brave!

Re: Breakfast with your son: YAY!

Keep taking those baby steps Tad! You're doing great so far!

P.S. Yeah, that's a great poem by Mary Oliver.