It is a work in progress. Remember, you can't change yesterday, but you can do better today. So focus on that and don't dwell on last mistakes except to learn from them.
You got this!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Lock this experience in the memory bank so that next time it occurs you can think to yourself “I’ve seen this BS before, I’m not falling for it.”
The only way to learn how to walk is to fall over a few times. You’re doing great 👍
In terms of getting sucked into a discussion about your changes being temporary, you need to have some standard lines in your head that you’ve practiced and have ready to go.
Next time he says he thinks your changes are temporary, how about these:
a) “Hahahaha… You can believe it or not, I couldn’t give two sh**s what you think. My changes are for me 🤷♂️” b) “Don’t worry, it won’t be you that benefits from the new and improved me 😉” c) “Omg yawn-fest, this conversation is so boring, I’ve got better things to do. I’m going out!”
I absolutely love these replies. I've given some form of each of them at different times, but sometimes I get stuck.
I was just thinking yesterday how I need lines memorized for several occasions.
That's one of them, another one is when he starts in on me about all of the things I supposedly did to ruin our marriage in the past. So far for that one I've apologized for the things that I know I could have done better, made sure he knows I'm listening and validating him, and then hit him with a " I really hope you can forgive me someday and move on." Or, "sounds like you're really having a hard time moving on."
And yet another for when he constantly asks where I'm at and who I'm with.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
I'm reading a lot, relaxing, I've been hanging out with a few different friend groups and plan to continue to do so. Since I'm posting past midnight my time, I'll answer about the upcoming day... There is an open art studio (I'm a professional artist) where are my friends and I paint together in the morning, and a worship service in the afternoon that I really enjoy attending.
With H being out of state things have been somewhat less stressful if I'm being honest. We talked on the phone for about 45 minutes tonight and he said that he's noticed my changes and would like to talk in person about OR when he gets home. I'm taking that with a big grain of salt because he didn't mention anything about ending things with OW.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
Sorry, edit. Speech to text and I didn't catch it right away.
He told me yesterday that he wants to try to work things out, and that we need to talk when he gets home from his trip. We've had several long phone conversations. However, he has not told me whether or not he plans to cut off the affair.
So that is not promising.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
