I have a quick question around communicating with Y kids. With me not participating her Christmas when the children ask why. What is best answer? They know we are in a in house separation, but I do not want to breakdown their relationship with their mother, or have it look negative on me. I appreciate the feedback.
Yes, your job is not to facilitate a relationship between child and W. Your job is not to destroy it.
As for the family Christmas gatherings. What is your reason for not participating?
Originally Posted by AJK29
Today I told her I wanted the bedroom back and that when we go home, I don’t want to be at her Family Christmas and that I did not want her at mine.
It is interesting that the bedroom and Christmas gatherings got smushed together. It has an appearance of retribution. Although it is a post from a phone, and it’s difficult to summarize events and details. Hence, me seeking clarification.
D
Last edited by Michele Weiner-Davis; 12/10/2205:26 PM.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I did say it in the same conversation. It was due to a boundary being crossed in our separation agreement. Looking I what you wrote I can see that I didn’t think that out. I need to ensure I am not seeking retaliation or control before having these conversations. It’s out there now, and want to be able to communicate it properly to the kids.
It’s out there now, and want to be able to communicate it properly to the kids.
It’s not carved in stone. You can walk it back. If you want. The three older kids are probably ok with it as is. The six year old; you might want to consider both being present.
I suppose it’s an extension of the in house separation, which they would see everyday. Unless you two can find a way to be in the same room together for a while.
Anyhow, age appropriate answers. What have you explained regarding IHS?
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
We explained to the older kids that we are doing an in-house separation, but at the time she was not dead set on divorce. So I’m not sure where they think we are with it. My oldest does know about my wife’s SA due to her telling him. Our youngest asks questions, and has seen us argue, but and asks questions. I always answer that we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but no matter what MOMMY And Daddy both love you so much and that will never change. My wife has told him that mommy will have a separate house at some point and that we would have two houses. I am with him almost each night, unless traveling for work. I’m trying to be as connected as possible. I do bedtime and baths, etc, while she is at meetings. We will both be there for Christmas morning, but just not at each others family parties as it stands currently.
…MOMMY And Daddy both love you so much and that will never change. My wife has told him that mommy will have a separate house at some point and that we would have two houses. I am with him almost each night, unless traveling for work. I’m trying to be as connected as possible. I do bedtime and baths, etc, while she is at meetings. We will both be there for Christmas morning, but just not at each others family parties as it stands currently.
How about:
Mommy and Daddy both love you so much and that will never change. You and I will visit Grandma and Grandpa (name). Later you and Mommy will visit Grandma and Grandpa (name). You, I, and Mommy will all be together Christmas morning.
Young kids are pretty egocentric. The world revolves around them. Usually, letting them know how something affects them, or won’t affect them, is what they are after.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
First text strand of the day. My W is out getting her hair done this morning. My S6 broke out in a rash last night and I was taking him to urgent care to get it checked out after dropping D16 off at work. Would like to see how to improve. I struggle with this because it comes off kinda cold.
W- Don’t forget D16 has work H- We Didn’t W- Are you at the doc? H- Yes W- And? H- Waiting on him to come in H- Just finished, you were right it was strep W- Poor guy! I love when I’m right except about sickness W- Have to get that medicine in him ASAP W- Make sure he knows he can’t go to (Christmas trip) if doesn’t take the medicine. H - Thumbs up emoji W- Found out what size H niece is in. There are super cute cloths at this boutique W- I’m outside smoking W- (Sends selfie of her in the hair get up outside) W- What time you hanging with friend tonight? I need to fit a meeting in at some point H- I’ll see if my sister can send, but I can get the gifts for my family W- Alright. Just thought some of these cloths are cute. Nevermind H- I’ll probably go around 8 or so
