changing that going forward but then I’m told to stop trying to nice her back. Which is it?
You behave based on what is the right thing to do, not how will she react to my behavior.
THIS!!!!
And "right thing to do" is perfect wording.
Until recently I was absolutely trying to nice her back. I understand what I was doing. I am working on doing what is the right thing to do now. I do my fair share now, in my opinion, and I don't worry what she thinks about it. Prime example. I made a dish for Thanksgiving to take to my sisters house. Made a mess, cleaned up. W and d13 made cookies and a dish. Made a mess and left it. Ordinarily I would have eventually gotten tired of looking at the mess and cleaned up. Nope, left it. W finally cleaned up. I know that's minor but I would have normally caved. Doing better at GAL also. Went to lunch yesterday with a guy I haven't seen in 30 plus years. Had a nice time.
changing that going forward but then I’m told to stop trying to nice her back. Which is it?
You behave based on what is the right thing to do, not how will she react to my behavior.
THIS!!!!
And "right thing to do" is perfect wording.
Until recently I was absolutely trying to nice her back. I understand what I was doing. I am working on doing what is the right thing to do now. I do my fair share now, in my opinion, and I don't worry what she thinks about it. Prime example. I made a dish for Thanksgiving to take to my sisters house. Made a mess, cleaned up. W and d13 made cookies and a dish. Made a mess and left it. Ordinarily I would have eventually gotten tired of looking at the mess and cleaned up. Nope, left it. W finally cleaned up. I know that's minor but I would have normally caved. Doing better at GAL also. Went to lunch yesterday with a guy I haven't seen in 30 plus years. Had a nice time.
Perfect!
I am a neat freak. So I struggle with this too. However, if it bugs me bad enough I will go ahead and clean up after her. Not because I am trying to be nice or because I am trying to score points with her, but simply because I am tired of looking at it!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Don’t discount minor; for the grandest journeys all started with a small/minor step. In fact, a journey is just a string of minor steps one after another.
One achieves their major outcomes by laying down a foundation one minor piece at a time, taking one small step at a time. The big moments, those paradigm shifts, the blessings; with each step one forges their willingness to see and accept them.
It’s finding one’s heading/direction that is crucial. And walking their path. No point scrambling off in some unknown direction. Walk towards something, rather than run from something. The journey is more important than the destination.
Life has headings/destinations/goals. Living is about the journey. One minor step at a time.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Don’t discount minor; for the grandest journeys all started with a small/minor step. In fact, a journey is just a string of minor steps one after another.
One achieves their major outcomes by laying down a foundation one minor piece at a time, taking one small step at a time. The big moments, those paradigm shifts, the blessings; with each step one forges their willingness to see and accept them.
It’s finding one’s heading/direction that is crucial. And walking their path. No point scrambling off in some unknown direction. Walk towards something, rather than run from something. The journey is more important than the destination.
Life has headings/destinations/goals. Living is about the journey. One minor step at a time.
Have a great day.
D
Great post!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
He is a good watch.. check out LFA as well...you should also get a good grasp of the differences between the Red/Blue/Black pill/ MGTOW/PUA and other manosphere ideas. Cherry pick out the good traits that you would like to incorporate into your new way of behaving. Be aware that there are a lot of bad traits that these "experts" have. Be very discerning.
You had a double posting. I have deleted the duplicate.
Last edited by job; 11/29/2203:47 PM. Reason: advised that a duplicate posting was deleted
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Some sources recommended here have been misognystic. I have no knowledge of the above person yay or no, but I'd do a quick Google of <source> + misogyny and consider what men and women think. Misogyny is obviously repellent to women and many men, and its absence imho one of the reasons some of us have an easier time attracting the opposite sex. Choose your gurus wisely.
Misogyny is obviously repellent to women and many men, and its absence imho one of the reasons some of us have an easier time attracting the opposite sex. Choose your gurus wisely.
Traveler it's been like 10 years since you walked out on your ex-wife and you had one girlfriend outside your girls group so yeah choosing your gurus is wise.
