My son is reeling. I spoke with him, he’s 12. He had no idea. He thought we were all happy. Caught completely off guard. He said he’s sad; i asked where he felt it and he pointed and said just under my heart.
Jees scot that sound soooo tough! Now is the time for you to be a rock for you children. It’s ok to tell them you don’t know and that you are also sad. But be there for them, REALLY listen and validate. Then be there for them again and again.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
You will thrive once again... The kids will be OK. It might seem it is the end of the world, but it is not. You will emerge stronger on the other side. Trust the process, trust yourself. Take precautions. Sign nothing unless your lawyer has taken a look. Protect yourself financially. Divvy up accounts. Store your half in a safe place. Cancel all joint credit cards.
And this one is done. The days are becoming long as I want her to stay if she would stay but since she’s not I want her gone, but not really. The days are long. We mostly stayed around the house today as a family. We went and played pickle ball, had a family dinner like we always do, played outside in the trampoline, and then we’re silly as we played family board games. The kids seem to have settled down, the next two weeks before she moves out are going to be hard.
She was thankful yesterday for how I handled “the talk” but tonight she was angry again and I was the target. I tried to work on listening and validating as I’m reading my book, the art of listening - I figure this is good practice. Anyhow, thanks everyone for your words and support. It does really help. These days are long and the winter is just around the corner.
From here on I believe this is really about my development as a person. With that in mind, last night after I really tried to listen and validate, as we went to bed she said “thanks for trying to understand.” So if nothing more, that’s good feedback that I’m getting better at that. It’s not easy to do and The Art of Listening is really helpful in teaching me what real listening is. Peace folks. Hope today is a great day for everyone.
I’m 85 pages in and it’s good. Gives lots of examples. To internalize it I imagine you have to read it 2-3 times and take good notes, and practice. A WAW is a good practice partner imo because they can be hard to listen to when they are ripping you apart and passively aggressively attacking you. If they compliment you, you know you’re on the right path.
