I'll start by expressing my frustrations over COVID. Our governor just had a press conference a couple of hours ago and while this is an ever changing situation our offices will remain closed and we will continue to work work part time. I just got off the phone with HR and she's just as frustrated as we are. I told her half of us want to work, we're sick of this, we're behind and this can't continue. My anxiety just shot up and I can't think straight.
Rant over.
I'll post replies later after I've eaten something....oh wait that might be my problem. I haven't eaten anything today and it's 5pm. My bad.
Were you truly happy happy when you did have someone? It seems to me you weren’t.......
Ginger you know all about my childhood and the struggles I've had with my kids since I got here. Seems like a lifetime ago but it was only Dec.
No I wasn't truly happy when I had someone <slaps forehead> why is it so hard to remember this? I read this blog and she says people like me take the crumbs we're given and make happiness out of it. It's fake happiness because it isn't real. It's just this fantasy, this projection of how I wanted it to be all while denying the reality of my situation. She also says that since I have the ability to create happiness out of nothing then I can do it again only this time the goal is to tie it to me not another man.
I don't like this answer only because I don't know how to do that.....yet. I love the idea of being happy alone but dang I just can't see it. I look around and everyone I know is partnered up. Drives me crazy.
When I asked that question the only person I could think of was my grandmother. She had a rough life and she never complained. Not once. I could bring her a .99 milkshake and you'd think it was a million dollars. She was just grateful for everything and happy despite being widowed for 15 years before she passed away. She died of pancreatic cancer and none of us knew meaning she didn't go to the doctor until she just couldn't take it anymore. The drs say she must have been in a lot of pain but she never said a word. We remember her losing a lot of weight but that was it. She died that night in the hospital but not before making us all leave first. She didn't want us to remember her that way. She wanted to talk about decorating the Christmas tree and said she'd see us later.
Kas, you need to take time to heal yourself and your children before you think of dating again, especially with your history. Maybe make a promise to yourself that for the next two years you will focus on nurturing and increasing your friendships with women, and not date. There will be time for that later, and if you date right now, you’re likely to fall into your same old patterns.
Yeah especially in the FB era, a lot of people’s lives look better on FB than they really are.
I have one friend who’s husband posts all the time and you would think perfect family. Well, he got drunk last night and after a fight posted a FB suicide message . He didn’t do it, but it was dramatic. Turns out things aren’t as rosy as represented on social media
One cousin who is always posting pictures where you would think she has the perfect life, well, her husband was a raging alcoholic . He has very recently sobered up, but you would never from FB.
I’ve been working with a different set of coworkers this week. One can truly not stand her husband after 40 years of marriage. Her and another say they would save their dogs before their own husbands in a house fire .
You know social media is everyone’s best or what everyone else wants to thing. You must know that.
Lately, while I can feel the loneliness at times, I realize I’m probably much happier than most of these couples.
Kas, you need to take time to heal yourself and your children before you think of dating again, especially with your history. Maybe make a promise to yourself that for the next two years you will focus on nurturing and increasing your friendships with women, and not date. There will be time for that later, and if you date right now, you’re likely to fall into your same old patterns.
I got involved with 2 men (online) after H left and yes I fell into the same patterns. Decided to fix this so I quit. After 4 months I lost the urge to find a replacement. As a precaution I avoid romance novels, highly sexualized movies or shows. I’m not currently interested in men.
My thoughts are irrational I think I need a man to take care of me but I don’t want one. After 4 decades it feels pretty good to be free. I’m sad though and I worry that the only path to happiness is another R. It’s all I’ve ever known. Does this make sense?
Just because everyone is being partnered, doesn’t mean everyone is happy. Remover that
You’re right. One coworker remarried too soon after her last divorce. She lets it slip every once in a while that he’s also a raging alcoholic. Another’s husband cheated but she took him back. They both seem miserable. My sister is on marriage #3 and she’s more unhappy than ever. My parents and Hs parents we’re unhappily married.
Oh two more. Both my SILs are partnered up and it’s misery central. One couple barely tolerates each other. The other isn’t married it’s more of a gold digger situation. She’s divorced and bitter but has a lot of money. She found a man who lets her treat him badly because he needs her financially. I used to get second hand embarrassment being anywhere near him. I think the divorce she didn’t want made her become a sadist. Her ex cheated on her for 14 years before she caught him. He had this whole other life that no one knew about. We were all stunned.
Why do I think a partner = happiness? Right now my thoughts are drifting to having someone would be so nice. Ugh
