You are a strong woman and I admire you. Your H needs you as well! YOu have the strength to love him thru this. I get weak at times but I am amazed at how humble I have become. I told H to eat some humble pie it tastes good!
H just called, boy he sounds rough or he has the same cold that I have, that our S has..I'm beat and I'm getting a hard time from coworker about my "smoker's cough" I don't smoke. Asked him how he was.
H sounded okay, tired maybe. Said does it matter if I sleep in the basement at our house or at OW's.
Then "I watched S last night, took him on a bike ride, fed him..that's all you want me for." I said oh I don't know I think I do a pretty good job of taking care of S myself...so maybe I should have validated him by saying you do such a great job with our S, but I didn't. I have dinner plans tonight with some gf's and so I will be out again. This is not normal for me, it just worked out that I have two dinners in a row with friends. So now H thinks I just want him to watch S..I can't win for losing or whatever that saying is. Then he said he was planning on picking up S and did I think he'd forget, that I don't have to remind him. Well he does forget and for my own sanity I like to confirm with him and with anybody, don't want S sitting at daycare.
He asked about the message that I had left and what was I saying, making it sound like he didn't understand it and I know very well that he did understand it. I just said I have a hard time getting the right words out.
I then said I'd let him get back to work, good bye...have a good day and hung up...H didn't say a word.
H calls me back after lunch and wanted to know why I had to run earlier and why I hung up on him.
We talked about his job. I asked him what he was doing this weekend, said he was going north? I said, by yourself? And H said yep. I asked H if he wanted any company and he said nope. Said he didn't know if he was taking the boat or not either and it would depend on the weather. Said this would be his only long weekend the whole summer, what with his job and all. If I know my H at all, he doesn't have a clue as to what he is doing this weekend. H asked me what I was doing, I said not much just hanging out.
H asked me who was going up to my brother's cabin. Told him the family that I knew of and H could if he wanted to go and spend the weekend there..afterall he helped build the cabin and my brother doesn't care who comes up there. For the most part you can invite yourself, my brother really doesn't mind if it's family. This is the brother that at first was so adamant that I D H right away. If I would have listened to my brother, we'd be D'd by now. This is also the brother that told me "you must have an awful big heart" to still want my H and told me it's your life, I don't have any problem with it.
So I've talked with H two times today, not counting the time he called and I missed the call. H wanted to talk about my phone message, I don't know if he wanted me to repeat it or not.
I even asked him if OW was okay....there was a huge pause and I had to ask if H was still on the line. He just said "yeah" and then the subject was changed.
So when he asks you again what you are doing this weekend, say " I don't know - I thought S4 and I would do (1) or (2) or (3) or (4) or (5). It will depend on my mood at the moment!"
LOL!
He is just wallowing in his own muck isn't he?
You are amazing in how you handle it all. I know how hard it is with kid(s) involved.
Then the question, do you just keep on making plans for yourself and not include them, mention your plans to them and extend an invitation (only to be rejected or accepted at last minute) or what?!?!??!
I don't know about you, but my three kids don't want to sit around and wait to see what H wants to do. So I make the plans and let him know so he can decide if he wants to participate.
Lately he has chosen to participate more often than not. I think your H does too, although usually at the last minute after some hemming and hawing.
Check out my update - the man is acting strange again...
In the meantime, get out and golf in between storms will you?!?!? Or are all of the courses still under water?
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I hope I can explain what I'm seeing in the proper way.
The Lord is giving you the opportunity to witness to your husband about his love. He is going to have to find certain answers on his own, but he is putting you in the position with your husband to witness to him.
You might have to find a time where you and your husband can sit down and have a serious conversation. Not about your relationship with him, but about the relationship with the Lord.
He is so desperately looking for the love that you have found and he doesn't understand that that is what he is looking for. He is so hungry inside for this that he can hardly stand himself. He has seen you read your Bible and he doesn't understand how you can have the peace that you have with him still being involved with the OW. This is bringing on tremendous guilt. The Lord is going to use you to help to bring your husband to salvation.
You have to use the opportunity. Next time when he says something about the OW, you might say something about the fact that you don't want him to go. That you unconditionally love him because of what the Lord has done for you. That you understand what he is going through and you are sorry for what he is going through, but until he puts a stop to running to her and does what the Lord is trying to get him to do, he will never have the peace that he is looking for.
That no, it is not going to be easy for him to get over her and you understand that, but with the Lord's help he will be able to defeat the demons that are inside of him. That as long as he continues to run, he will continue to feel this way whether he stays with you or goes with her. It doesn't matter because he will not be released from this until he repents of what he has done.
That being with the OW is wrong and he knows it deep inside. That the Lord loves him no matter what he has done and so do you. That the Lord is willing to forgive him if he would only ask and that you have already forgiven him for everything that he has done to you and that he is still doing to you.
That he also needs to forgive himself, but he will not be able to do that on his own. That he is going to need the Lords help for that. That right now, he needs to concentrate on that and stop worrying about how she feels and how you feel. The marriage can not be worked on until he gets to this point. Do you understand what I mean about that?
As much as you want your marriage back together, until he is completely healed and has gotten the forgiveness that he needs, he can not concentrate on the marriage. He is trying to skip steps in order to make the pain go away and he can not do that.
On his own, he can not win this battle, but with the Lord he can do anything. As for the OW, unless she receives the same thing that you have received Cathy, she is not going to make it through this like you think she will. You made it as far as you have because you have had the Lord there to help you and to heal your heart. She is still in pain from her first husband and then went right into another relationship in order to get away from the pain. She has never healed, so therefore, she will not get through this as well as you did. She is going to fall unless someone prays for her and prays that she is given the courage to do what is right and that is to walk away from your husband.
She needs salvation as well because she is very weak. She is not strong and she is depending on people to bring her out of this, and people can not do for her what the Lord can and he is the only one who can.
He may not understand what you are talking about at first, but you have planted the seed and the Lord can do the rest from there. You do not have to do this for the Lord, but you can and should plant the seed. It is kind of like what you are going through. No one has to give you the answer, but if they can direct you or plant a seed, the Lord can go from there. You have a direction.
I hope that I just made sense with what I just said. That is what I see through the things that you have written so far. I see a very hurt man that needs the Lord. I see a man that keeps running in circles because he can't seem to find the right direction to go in. Yes, he is confused but when I get confused like that and someone can give me some information that starts to get rid of the confusion for me, that is such a relief. I may not always get what they are saying at first and sometimes I may even get upset with what they have said, but it gives me information to think about. It gives the Lord something to work with as well.
He can start opening it up for me a piece at a time until it all comes together. There is such relief after that happens. The Lord has given you much knowledge and now is your time to share it with your husband.
I've just read your threads all the way beack to "He Ran Again" which was the farthest back I found. Your thread was recommended to me in Newcomers because my husband is an alcoholic.
Quote: So now H thinks I just want him to watch S..I can't win for losing or whatever that saying is
I just wanted to comment on that. He probably doesn't really think this, but it's his excuse for the moment. Remember, anything to make you the bad guy and himself the martyr, put upon and misunderstood.
If it wasn't that, he'd find something else to take offense at.
Keep hanging in there. I'll keep reading your thread, with interest.
One thing about our two sitches are the same is; my H's OW also "buys" him things. This is NOT my H's LL! He hated when people did that! Now he is excepting gifts from a woman who he is having an affair with. My only guess is it is MLC that makes them change the way they think!
Quote: Is this what the bible means when it says "you reap what you sow" or how "what goes around comes around."
You and I both agree with this! My H is finding out what it is like to not have his family close! I think he is missing it! Grabbing whatever he can to get his D's to pay him attention. I think H may be realizes just how much he is going to loose! My H's family is important to him.
Pay no attention to your H's whinning; MLC! I think your H knows exactly what he may be loosing. He is now going through the fight of what he really wants. That is why right now it is very important for you to listen, don't tell him what choice to make. He will have to make this choice on his own. I think he wants you to make the choices for him, don't you dare! Just go on about your business. Please go back and read the stages in MLC! I think he is at the one where it says, it is very important to give him space. Can't remember which one it is!
I have a feeling something is just right around the corner for you, and I think you are going to be surprised when your H comes out of the tunnel a better person!
Quote: That you understand what he is going through and you are sorry for what he is going through, but until he puts a stop to running to her and does what the Lord is trying to get him to do, he will never have the peace that he is looking for.
I think THAT is true for many WAS!
Laurie is awesome!
Cathy, you have been referred over in newcomers, wow you are famous, LOL!
Minnie 