As for the the guy from October who turned out to the the raging alcoholic..... he’s still here, a mess and CPS was called on him. All he did was brag about what a wonderful father he was. About how he does everything for them and his ex wife is too busy partying. He bragged about how when he brought his youngest son trick or treating, the adults stayed back and drank, but not him!
There is really a great lesson here. I thought I remembered correctly which guy this was but wanted to be sure. Back from October:
Originally Posted by Ginger1 October 1, 2019
We texted last night for 5 hours. Talking about everything and everything. Some life experiences, small things, like what makes us tick. You name it, we talked about it. And he was interested in ME. The tiny and big details about me. If we didn’t have to go to sleep, we would probably still be chatting. It made me realize a lot. In a few days, D knows more about me than M knew in a year. Not just facts, but details about what makes me me.
He’s lived an incredible life so far. I mean incredible. A year ago, he also become very sick and septic and was in my ICU for a while. And he has such an incredibly lease on life. He’s an athlete and an artist, which is an incredibly sexy combo. His wife was a cheater. He tried to keep it together for the kids. But couldn’t. She actually rents a house 3 houses away from him and he says they talk kids and money, that’s about it, and they keep it civil. No police station exchanges, Court appointed mediators for every decision.
I will say, if this guy is as advertised, and there is chemistry, he would be that guy I’ve dreaming up. That one you go through all bad stuff to get to.
I hadn’t smiled the way I smiled talking to him in a very, very long time.
If I do have the right guy, I remember myself and others trying to say, wow that’s a lot so soon and suggesting you were getting way ahead of yourself, but you were not happy with us for killing your excitement.
Perhaps even more interesting you wrote about how he had been in ICU and nearly died. Wow and holy cow!!!! Is history repeating itself again now? Was he really in ICU the last time for alcohol related issues? One certainly was to wonder. But he did provide a clue there. There likely were other clues but they get pushed down in favor of the good things and the hopeful excitement.
My point here is, it takes this is a perfect example of why it takes TIME to really get to know someone. Talk is cheap and easy. People can say and claim anything, like this guy did. It’s not what they say but what they do and how they act. He seemed incredible at the time. Even the guy you’ve been dreaming up and waiting for. While hopeful at the time he clearly was not a dream but a nightmare you avoided. Again just a perfect lesson to learn from for all of us to collect information over time to make an informed decision rather than give benefit of the doubt and hope it’s real. So glad you dodged this bullet. Still great to learn from.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I am well aware of what I thought and how he presented himself. I am also well aware that people have to prove themselves to you. I had no reason other than to believe anything else at the time.
You never know. And I’m glad it went no further than one date. And I do believe I would have been keen to something being off.
However, yes, I think that time he was in my hospital was possibly for alcohol withdrawal. And I also have this feeling he fell of the wagon the night he had a date with me which is why he acted so weird.
It’s all very unfortunate. And I am so sad for his kids.
I know from my own experiences that sometimes red flags don't appear for quite some time. People tend to be on their best behavior when first meeting up w/new people. It's difficult to predict how they will be after just a date or two.
Your new guy sounds very settled and is enjoying spending time w/you and doesn't appear to have any issues w/keeping in touch w/you and is flexible w/your schedule. From your postings, I like his attitude far more than I did w/the other guy.
Enjoy the time you spend w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
WTH was wrong with your friend that he would date her? Should have been over by the third date! Makes you question whether he's an alcoholic too.
He has issues, no question about it! He doesn't drink though. He's addicted to the chase. He chases women, sleeps with them a few times and then dumps them. I've known him for 7 or 8 years and it's the same pattern repeating over and over again. Meets a new woman, falls all over himself talking about how sexy and beautiful and smart she is, keeps going on dates and getting more and more "serious", then has sex and it's all great and wonderful the first time. Thinks "this may be the one". Then come the complaints. She snores, she eats in bed, her house is a mess, she won't quit texting, she has an annoying cat, etc. etc. Then the inevitable breakup. I've talked to him about it and he's the first to admit it's all true, but then comes another woman and it starts all over again!
I am really long of still in shock over this. In rounds today I found it is really bad. They used the word “bizarre” security had to be called and he’s a mess. And I happen to be looking back on our texts ( we only saw each other once, but were talking for over a and only his texts were all about what a great wonderful involved father he is. And how perfect he was . And remember when I said he ran out awkwardly at the end of the date? I have this bad feeling when he had that beer with me, that maybe have been him falling off the wagon . And it’s got me a little shook. It’s scary what’s out there and how well people can hide things. I bet the demise of his marriage had much to do with this.
And I think about M. I think his wife’s reasons were a little deeper. There was a reason why he kept me at arms length. And a reason why his ex does not look at him or speak to him.
Anyways, it does freak me out a bit . Hopefully I don’t uncover anything major from E.
I’m pretty kosher. I do have a heavy coffee addiction though
Well, it's about learning about each other, this 'dating' thing ... some of the stuff is wonderful, others probably not so much. It's about finding someone whose not so much meshes in a healthy way with your own not so much, I guess.
Slow, steady, and be present. that's my advice. Hope you had a good night! XO
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
So far I’m really enjoying getting to know E. Last night we had our first sleepover. His son actually went to stay at his moms which happens rarely, so we took advantage and I went there. And he told me to bring the dog. So me and dog go headed on over. He’s rents a nice big townhome. I brought some dinner over and we watched a movie. It was so nice. And he is a pleasure to sleep with, lol. And I’m talking about literal sleeping. He lightly cuddle and doesn’t snore. I swear Every guy I’ve ever slept next to has been a heavy duty sleep apnea snorer. So not smothering me or snoring like a freight train. It was awesome. Been a while since I woke up next to someone else. We had a nice breakfast and now I’m home and we are going to NYC later on. Maybe catch a broadway show or go to the village or Chinatown. Although he’s a little nervous about Chinatown. I’m not!
When I was there his dad called and he said “ginger is over” so I imagine he’s told his dad about me. Things are moving along nicely. Not too fast, not to slow. Just right. I’m fine with where things are.
The one thing I’m not fine with is this second job deal. I work tomorrow. Things are about to get a little crazy for me. I’m going to have minimal free time. Grocery shopping , cooking, cleaning, the gym and social life. And without neededing to be mentioned. Raising my child. It’s going to be really tough. If I truly can’t handle it, then I stop. But hopefully I’ll find a way to streamline things so it’s not so hard and I’m not so tired .
That’s all. Going to rest up a bit for my date tonight!
Your developing R with E sounds like it is moving at a nice pace. Must have felt good to hear him tell his dad that you were over. For sure that means he has talked about you. That’s a good sign. Hope you had a great date on Saturday night!!!
Thanks! The pace is definitely good for me. He’s very cute and I can Tell he really likes being in a relationship. Sharing certain things with his woman, he likes that work my way well around his kitchen and I want to rearrange his Tupperware. He likes to call the spot on his couch where we watched a movie “our spot” and he wants to do stuff with me, whether it’s watch a movie, go out, travel, etc. we went to NYC Saturday got some eats and some drinks and saw a broadway show which we keep laughing about because it wasn’t good. We spent a lot of time together this weekend and he said he really enjoyed it.
I started my new job yesterday after getting home at midnight Saturday. Came into my full time job today to an obscene amount of work and issues. I have been delirious to the point of exhaustion since I woke up. I had to do my grocery shopping at 8 pm last night .
I don’t know how I am going to balance my 2 jobs, child raising, keeping up with a house, exercise and a relationship without a nervous breakdown. I really don’t how I’m going to do it all. It was painfully obvious to me yesterday that I keep up with my daughter even when she’s at her dads house and he has no idea what’s going on schoolwise. I’ve got to talk to her and walk through everything on FaceTime.
E is so good at being flexible and understanding. He’s great. He has hobbies which is good.
But how am I going to give what my child deserves, my jobs deserve, my house deserves, my boyfriend deserves, and my pain in the arse dog deserves? Oh and me.
Thanks! The pace is definitely good for me. He’s very cute and I can Tell he really likes being in a relationship. Sharing certain things with his woman, he likes that work my way well around his kitchen and I want to rearrange his Tupperware. He likes to call the spot on his couch where we watched a movie “our spot” and he wants to do stuff with me, whether it’s watch a movie, go out, travel, etc. we went to NYC Saturday got some eats and some drinks and saw a broadway show which we keep laughing about because it wasn’t good. We spent a lot of time together this weekend and he said he really enjoyed it.
