Would you be able to be there at all if it needed collection?"
Cheeky!
Boy is it ever cheeky! You handled it well. Good job avoiding being the rescuer!
Nice progress in the gym, good work! I've been on a bulk cycle lately and am nearly to the most I've ever weighed (a couple pounds shy of it). Except when I weighed it before, I wasn't working out and it was all blubber, LOL! I have about 6 weeks to go on this cycle, then level off food intake, then start a cut again. I like the bulking a lot more than the cutting, hahaha!
I responded as advised. She hasn't replied. I don't understand why she can't think to call the local authority herself. We've done this before with a bit of old furniture which they collected and gave to charity. Why she needs me to tell her what to do I don't know.
Gym update - up to 62.5kg on abs, 80kg at 3x12 on leg press now, getting above 20kg on shoulder press, 45-50kg on chest press, and faster rowing machine times (usually do 1.5-2k at a time). Most improvement is on bi/triceps, abs second. Haven't been able to do my cycling class for a couple of weeks due to going up to the house and sorting storage out, but I can definitely say all the lifting of stuff in and out of cars has been much easier! Looking forward to yoga on Friday to chill out.
Good job! I've recommitted to my workout program. Making good gains on bench, squats and deadlifts. Feels so good to get under the bar at load! Keep it up. Nothing works for self-esteem like working out.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks everyone, appreciate the advice. I'm pleased I handled as I did. It's a minor issue in the grand scheme of things I know, but my not rescuing W or offering to be at the house for when it's collected is a big deal. Seems W is still relying on me to do stuff like this. I don't know why she needed to ask me what to do; it's so obvious and she's a very clever woman.
I think it's needless to get rid of the machine really - at home I'd regularly clean it. She's clearly not done that and so it's deteriorated. I'm sure it's fixable but she's the kind of person who'd prefer to throw something away rather than sort it out. Sadly I don't have space for it anywhere so cannot offer to take it instead.
GAL for this evening - studying followed by gym later on.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
"How did you get on with the council? I'd rather pay [higher fee] to have sale proceeds transferred straightaway then we know it's all gone through properly before we give the keys. Is your parents' money in the joint account? Remind me?"
Several things here: - She has misunderstood my text from yesterday about the washing machine. When she asked "How would I go about disposing of it?", I suggested: "I'd call the council and check if they can collect it." She has therefore assumed that *I* will do that, and has expected me to have already contacted them. Shall I just do it? Is it worth arguing about this?
- We can either pay one fee to get the house sale proceeds paid by bank transfer (takes 2-3 days), or by a faster process (same day) which is more than twice the price. I think it's a bit of a waste of money (we're talking £20 extra) but I don't think I will choose to have this battle.
- My parents gave us some money towards a home improvement. They gave it to me about a fortnight before BD. I remember that W definitely mentioned to me afterwards, "I suppose we should give that money back to your parents." I then withdrew it. She then had a massive rant at me, saying how disrespectful I was taking it without talking to her. She denied all knowledge of saying that we should give it back. I transferred it back. It's stayed there ever since. I don't know why she needs reminding. She has access to that account and can check the banking app at any time.
Bit of help please!
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
"W, Here is the number to organise collection. It'll cost [x]. It won't be collected on Monday when the buyers move in. If you're happy paying the extra fee for the sale transfer that's fine. Yes the [£] is still in the joint account. D"
I can't be bothered with this. I see she may be stressed but I'm annoyed she still skim-reads even now and just expects me to do stuff for her.
...Breathe, and back to normal things now...
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Several things here: - She has misunderstood my text from yesterday about the washing machine. When she asked "How would I go about disposing of it?", I suggested: "I'd call the council and check if they can collect it." She has therefore assumed that *I* will do that, and has expected me to have already contacted them. Shall I just do it? Is it worth arguing about this?
I'm not sure she misunderstood you, I think she understood but decided to strong-arm you into doing it, phrasing it as if that is a foregone conclusion. I would have just ignored it but it sounds like you took care of it so that's fine too, probably better peace-of-mind for you.
Quote
- We can either pay one fee to get the house sale proceeds paid by bank transfer (takes 2-3 days), or by a faster process (same day) which is more than twice the price. I think it's a bit of a waste of money (we're talking £20 extra) but I don't think I will choose to have this battle.
I agree with you, at that amount it's not worth fighting about.
Quote
- My parents gave us some money towards a home improvement. They gave it to me about a fortnight before BD. I remember that W definitely mentioned to me afterwards, "I suppose we should give that money back to your parents." I then withdrew it. She then had a massive rant at me, saying how disrespectful I was taking it without talking to her. She denied all knowledge of saying that we should give it back. I transferred it back. It's stayed there ever since. I don't know why she needs reminding. She has access to that account and can check the banking app at any time.
Inform her that you are withdrawing it to transfer back to your parents and then do it. Don't wait for her permission.
I don't think she's confused. I suspect she keeps calling you to help her do things, because you've rewarded that before. Compare what DS9 suggested and what you actually sent:
Originally Posted by "DS9"
Hi XW. I think it’s best if you arrange disposal of the machine yourself. Regards Dan ‘
Originally Posted by "Dab35 Attempt 1"
I'd call the council and check if they can collect it.
Originally Posted by "Dab35 Attempt 2"
Here is the number to organise collection. It'll cost [x]. It won't be collected on Monday when the buyers move in.
See the difference?
Originally Posted by "Dab35"
Shall I just do it? Is it worth arguing about this?
Good job not doing her task yourself, assuming it is her task. A text that it's her responsibility (if it actually is) doesn't take very long, it sets a boundary, and it takes two to argue--she has to resolve her own anger.
She has booked it and paid for it herself (good), and she'll get her brother to move it to the front of the house. Whether they'll deliberately leave it in front of the garage so I cannot get access into the garage without moving it again is another matter - I'll find out on Sunday morning!
She has said "The [£x] is to be split 50/50, it's in the lawyer's paperwork. I'm sure it was discussed."
This is news to me! I don't recall discussing this further. I was under the assumption that we would consider this separately from everything else, and that there would be no question about us giving the full amount back to my parents.
I take some of the blame for this, because I should have pointed out before the financial papers were all completed that we needed to work out what was going to happen to this money (it's a few thousand pounds).
My sister and her H have said "I don't see what her issue is. If we split up, there'd be no argument. We'd just give that money back to my parents. I wouldn't expect to take half of that."
My mum is rather upset by it all. It's because the money was for a specific purpose, and now that purpose is no longer happening as the house is sold, I just thought it'd be no issue to take it back. I guarantee W's sister has googled something and said "That's your money, it's in a joint account in your names, so you're entitled to half of it." And W has gone along with it. I'd bet money on that.
Part of me thinks, just let her take it, and I'll gradually pay my parents back for her half. I'm disappointed W has treated my parents like this, after everything they've done for her.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
D, that is dirty and petty of your W, but my XW did much the same in the 11th hour of our divorce. I would talk to your L and confirm whether or not it really is in the paperwork, don't take her word for it. If it's in there and the paperwork is already signed, then so be it. If it's not then try to recover it for your parents.
