His phone is buzzing away and he’s sleeping right through it. Makes me smile because let’s be real as above it all as I want to be I’m never going to fully shake that little bit of petty./quote] Bahahahaha. I got a huge kick out of this.
[quote=wayfarer]I’m super ready for this weekend and just a whole crap ton of me time.
So glad to hear it and happy friday! Have an an amazing time with the girls. I wanna hear all about the rage room... I don't think we have any in my city. it is basically like the scene in Office Space with the copy machine, right?
Sending love and good vibes all weekend!!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Great news about the new IC. Think of that extra energy you won't have to spend feeling like you're pushing back against her. And enjoy the rage room and mani/pedi, Wayfarer! Even better that they're happening today.
Happy Vday! OMG I'm so jelly about the rage room. I am such a pacifist in my everyday life and the idea of having a great time just smashing things to bits sounds so appealing. I've heard going on a hike and screaming into a canyon or off a mountaintop can also be pretty cathartic. Have a great time with your weekend and I'm happy to read about the new IC.
KG
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
Rage room was amazing. But I had been there before when my mom passed and couldn’t go to the funeral due to her “amazing”H. D15 recently broke up with her BF so she loooovvved it. D17 my angry child. Protestor, feminist just generally all around antiestablishment person was so dainty in there I almost died of laughter. She didn’t want to break anything. She also couldn’t lift the sledgehammer. I probably scared the girls a bit. I don’t think I realized how much anger I had pent up. I think I need to hit the batting cages again. We had a lovely lunch. And there was a chocolatier 2 doors from the rage room. Spent way too much on fancy chocolate for the girls and me. But all around lovely.
H bought the girls V-day presents and got them cards. Took them out to dinner while I was out for the mani pedi. We are all watching a Disney movie as a family right now. I’m about a half a bottle of rosè deep. Oh H got food poisoning. But the girls are fine so all in all other than I’m likely sleeping on the couch because it’s no where near a bathroom it’s been a great night. This right here is how I know there’s a higher power watching over us. There is no better karma than this guy feeling like he’s dying today while I feel like Wonder Woman
Ever try axe throwing? It's the new rage. I want to go soooo badly.
Also, I am so totally your D17. I was that protester, angsty feminist teen (still am - just older!!! Proudly!) but also couldn't do anything in the physical realm.
I'm not super strong, but I can own my body a bit better now that I'm older. But much respect to D17 because she's my people.
Much respect to you too for all you do for your OWN life.
I have also done axe throwing, in heels at that. While I loved it it’s a much less controlled environment than a rage room. The axes have a good chance of bouncing back at you. That is honestly terrifying. Add drinking and dear lord I’m not sure how more people haven’t died or ended up in the ER. You do sound a lot like a grown up version of my kiddo. Minus the cooking. She’s very artsy but her attention span isn’t long enough for cooking. She’ll make a box brownie mix to just lick the spatula though..lol
It sounds like you had an amazing day! I get nervous just watching the axe throwing thing on video. What if someone accidentally drops the axe before throwing it out?? I can’t imagine how much liability insurance those kinds of places have.
And yup, I do not feel bad one bit for your H’s food poisoning. He’ll live!!
Well tonight is definitely going to be wine and bath night. My god. We were in the house alone with no kids for hours. I guess technically we still are. First time since the EA started. I was trying to get some things done around the house and he called me back into the living room to ask me a question. We ended up talking for a long time. He initiated an R talk after a conversation we had about the girls. We talked about a lot of things. We first talked about what the future in two households is going to look like. He brought up that OW may move in in June as her lease is up then. Was weirdly encouraging about me online dating. And then things kinda shifted into what happened with us and how did we get here. By the end of the conversation he pulled my legs on to his and started rubbing them and my feet. We were still talking and I haven’t been touched in months. As much as my brain was screaming it was so nice to be touched again I just let it happen. It stopped at that. But I can see how easily LBS slip back in to bed with the WS now.
Don’t worry. I don’t think he’s going to leave OW anytime soon. Nor am I reading into this as some kind of covert message that he wants me. The reality is and I know this now he does want me. And he wants her. Just as much as he wants his old life and this new one. I know he’s just as confused as ever. All this really does is confirm for me that he is confused. And that he seems to sense detachment like a blood hound and tries one more behavior that’ll make me question my sanity and force me into a place where I have to remind myself that there’s no use analyzing any of it. We are truly in limbo now and I have a feeling we probably will be in June in two separate households. Sigh....
Holy smokes. What a crazy couple of days! He totally deserved the food poisoning.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
he seems to sense detachment like a blood hound and tries one more behavior that’ll make me question my sanity and force me into a place where I have to remind myself that there’s no use analyzing any of it. We are truly in limbo now and I have a feeling we probably will be in June in two separate households. Sigh....
First off, HOW do they do that? I love how you put that, sensing detachment like a bloodhound and then doing something different to knock you off your game. I don't believe it is deliberate but is still crazy-making for you.
It does seem like he's really, really confused. I also think there is something to the WH feeling like he's started down a path and it is really difficult to stray from it, because (among other things) he's probably terrified that the damage he's done to your R is irreparable. Did you share any of your thoughts in the R talk or was it mostly validating? He still thinks you're over him?
Originally Posted by wayfarer
Well tonight is definitely going to be wine and bath night.
Good... really glad you already had this planned out for tonight.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
First off, HOW do they do that? I love how you put that, sensing detachment like a bloodhound and then doing something different to knock you off your game. I don't believe it is deliberate but is still crazy-making for you.
I think for some WS it is deliberate but with my H I don’t know that it is. I don’t know that his EQ is high enough to be emotionally manipulative. I think it’s more like testing how much I’ll let him in. But yes definitely crazy making.
Originally Posted by may22
It does seem like he's really, really confused. I also think there is something to the WH feeling like he's started down a path and it is really difficult to stray from it, because (among other things) he's probably terrified that the damage he's done to your R is irreparable. Did you share any of your thoughts in the R talk or was it mostly validating? He still thinks you're over him?
I think the path thing definitely has some merit to it. But it got a little contentious when I said he picked the path with her because it’s just easier. He said that he didn’t feel that way. That picking me would’ve been easier because of the comfort factor and less people hurt. And then I explained why I felt the way I did. That everything with her is new and shiny and it’s all possibilities. It also has no depth or breadth so it’s just figure it out and hope for the best. Staying with me means work. Digging deep and therapy. And probably a marriage retreat. And apologies to a number of people. Starting from scratch with this baggage like an albatross until we start making some serious progress. All things he hates. Emotional work, open communication and complicated situations to navigate.
I shared a lot. He shared a lot. But I have no idea what he thinks as far as a chance at saving this or if I’m over him. Every time we have these talks I go a little anti DB. I tell him I’m still in love with him. But not like a sobbing “I love you.” He usually says something accusatory and I put it in there as push back. Like the big fight he said I liked to see him suffer and said “No you don’t love me. I still love you. I’d never want to see you suffer.” This time when talking about things in our relationship in the past that lead up to this he accused me of a few things. I’m not perfect he was right about a couple I validated and apologized but he also accused me of belittling him based on my education and him not having the same level. When I asked for concrete examples he had none. So I asked if maybe his feelings on that weren’t 100% my behavior and maybe some of his own insecurities. And maybe some hang over from me being the devil in his head for almost 3 months. And I said “I loved and love you exactly as you are. I’d never intentionally belittled you or try to make you feel beneath me.” I won’t ever tell him I plan to stand until I can’t. I don’t know how to say I still want to make this work if you want to with out coming off needy. But I think I’m being pretty clear I’m not over him.
