Your guys msgs mean more than you guys know. I feel very fond of you guys and you all have helped me through so much. Wife and son both have influenza A right now so. Lol
I really do respect your opinions
Do you guys think I really should drop all pretext and just tell her how I feel? I’m not into pity sex from my wife. But at the same time I do want her to know how I feel. Doc said this chemo is a total crap shoot. It could not work. It could work for 2 months and I’m gone. Or it could work for a couple years. Doc says it’s not too uncommon to see it working 10 months out. But we are in uncharted waters. It’s all a guessing game. He says he has one patient who has been on it for 5 years. They have no idea why it’s still working but it is. Total crap shoot.
Changing gears.
How on earth could anybody ever date a guy like me. Who in their right mind would set themselves up for that?
Last edited by job; 02/07/2008:10 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Keep yourself positive, man - keep boosting your immune system. Spend lots of time with your S - as much as you can.
If I learned anything from having several family members who have gone through this same thing, it's that you should have no regrets.
IMO This situation puts you in an extraordinarily unique position. If it was me in your position, I would make sure not to slip into BD-era behaviors (no pleading etc), but if I had something I wanted to say, I would say it.
Just dont have any expectations on the other end.
Keep strong man - we are rooting for you and praying for you
Do you guys think I really should drop all pretext and just tell her how I feel? I’m not into pity sex from my wife. But at the same time I do want her to know how I feel.
Well you know where I stand, but it's up to you. You'd never throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter of a football game, but when time is short and you're behind then sometimes it's worth a shot. If it's dropped then you chalk it up to "nothing ventured nothing gained" but if it's caught then it can be a huge game-changer.
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Doc said this chemo is a total crap shoot. It could not work. It could work for 2 months and I’m gone. Or it could work for a couple years. Doc says it’s not too uncommon to see it working 10 months out. But we are in uncharted waters. It’s all a guessing game. He says he has one patient who has been on it for 5 years. They have no idea why it’s still working but it is. Total crap shoot.
Well at least it's something. It's a chance. If anyone can turn a small chance into a big victory it's you Oz!
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How on earth could anybody ever date a guy like me. Who in their right mind would set themselves up for that?
Have you seen "The Fault in our Stars"? It's not a true story (although the main character is based on a real person) but it shows (realistically in my opinion) how people can fall in love even in the face of terminal cancer. When someone knows their time is short, they tend not to waste time playing games or putting their walls up. Honesty, virtue, character, vulnerability and emotional availability can be very attractive.
Oz, I only have a moment to write but I’ve read and thought about it. I strongly agree with AnotherStander’s logic. The 49rs threw long passes (fail) at the end of the Super Bowl because time was running out.
Since it’s a bit of a negotiation I’d take time to consider what you really need from her vs. what you can get from family and cancer support groups. I remember her pulling back when you talked to her about the reality of your cancer. Maybe it’s the dates and fun feelies and possibility of romance and sex you crave?
I don’t think “terminal cancer” is a dating dealbreaker. Frankly, for a short-term relationship people are more focused on your charm and physique. How many initial bar conversations even turn towards health status beyond STIs? For that matter, items that’s be dealbreakers for me and many others (e.g., smoking) may not be for you because your partner getting lung cancer in 10-20yrs is probably not chief among your concerns. That’s only one example.
A) I want to feel what it feels like to lay with my wife B) I want my wife to hold me C) I want to hold her D) I want to kiss my wife E) I want to have the most passionate sex in the world.
You have 3 choices:
1) Do nothing. 2) Take actions toward these without talking. 3) Talk about these with her.
I almost always have better success with choice #2. #3 has worked, but mostly when my relationship was in a good place. If you shoot for E, then you might get to experience the others.
Find something that would be fun and exciting. I look for live music. Arrange for someone to watch Son (THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART) Tell W that you are going to the event. Ask her if she would like to join you. If she says no, then you should be fairly confident that she will say no to E. If she asks about son, say "I took care of that" If she says yes, then you say "perfect, lets plan on leaving the house at 6P". Show her a good time.
Have you done your homework on E? Will she be pleasantly surprised by the "NewOZ"?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hey Oz, don't know where you live, but have you considered cannabis? I am no doctor, but my Aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to her spine and lymph nodes and elsewhere. Doctor gave her 6-12 months, max, even with chemo.
She moved out west (Arizona) and found an integrative medicine doctor who prescribed her cannabis as well as some other herbals. She lived for five more, good, strong years. I know at one point talking to her her tumors had actually shrunk and a couple were gone. She might have lived even longer but she had a raft of autoimmune issues even before the cancer that were wreaking havoc with her liver and what not. She was also a lifelong smoker and didn't quit even after the diagnosis, though she did try and managed to cut back some.
I don't know what form of cannabis she was using (and she's gone now so I cant ask her) but from what i read she is not alone in seeing near miraculous results from it's use as a cancer treatment, and there is increasing clinical evidence and research that is supportive.
Even if you can't or are opposed for some reason, don't give up... I'd urge you to find a good integrative medicine doctor. Not "alternative", but integrative--- integrative docs are regular docs who embrace traditional western medicine but supplement it with eastern or other protocols and methods. My life was actually saved by such a doctor when every other doctor was flummoxed by my situation-- but that is another story for another time. Moral of the story is "Don't ever give up", never stop looking for a cure or treatment, and don't be afraid to push your doctors if need be.
Thoughts and prayers for you!
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Best cannabis strain for cancer patients from what I´ve heard is Blue Dream.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
