How about doing the same thing but with your H ... just have D14 over more and more. Invite her to dinner, do things with her on the weekend and bring her back to the house instead of to his. Send him messages 'As you're at work and it's late, would you mind if D14 stayed here tonight. It seems silly dragging her back to yours".
We don't speak and my house is super tiny. D14 is spending most evenings and weekends with me and going home at 10pm to sleep. He lives probably 5 blocks away but across a busy street so close but not TOO close. Irritated me at first but it is convenient.
I had to get an emergency dentist appt today. Merry Christmas to me. I can't eat. Yay. My tooth is fractured (stress imagine that) and it has to be removed. Not only do I not need to be spending this money but I can't drive myself. I have no H, no family, my kids need to stay in school and I don't want to bother my coworkers so I used care.com. One of my coworkers is now upset with me but she already does too much for me so no.
I feel you. I drove myself to an urgent care with my kids Saturday and solo today. The holidays are already somewhat overwhelming as a single parent without also dealing with medical issues. But take a look at how strong we are! We are getting this done while also imbuing the holidays with magic. Well done finding your own path without overtaxing friends.
If you ever find that you have a toothache, go to the pharmacy and ask for Oil of Cloves. It's inexpensive and a great reliever of tooth pain. I have had way too many fractured teeth and know how that feels and it's expensive as heck to get them taken care of.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I feel you. I drove myself to an urgent care with my kids Saturday and solo today. The holidays are already somewhat overwhelming as a single parent without also dealing with medical issues. But take a look at how strong we are! We are getting this done while also imbuing the holidays with magic. Well done finding your own path without overtaxing friends.
You just reminded me that I dealt with D17 having to go the hospital on my own. I've fixed my car once. So many things I've had to face on my own. Mind boggling and yet I'm still standing.
If you ever find that you have a toothache, go to the pharmacy and ask for Oil of Cloves. It's inexpensive and a great reliever of tooth pain. I have had way too many fractured teeth and know how that feels and it's expensive as heck to get them taken care of.
I'll do that since they gave me a whopping TWELVE pain killers and I can't get this tooth removed for 17 days. They also told me I need a root canal on another tooth so that's fun. At least I have a heads up before that pain hits.
[/quote]I had to get an emergency dentist appt today. Merry Christmas to me. I can't eat. Yay. My tooth is fractured (stress imagine that) and it has to be removed. Not only do I not need to be spending this money but I can't drive myself. I have no H, no family, my kids need to stay in school and I don't want to bother my coworkers so I used care.com. One of my coworkers is now upset with me but she already does too much for me so no.[quote]
Back in the bad old days when my W and I were on the downslope but still together, I had to drive myself to the ER with literally a broken neck (though no spinal cord damage, lol) and multiple fractures in arm/wrist after taking a header off of a ladder onto a concrete driveway. She balked at taking me: 'Youre okay to drive, right?"
I actually DIDNT feel that bad... until the adrenaline wore off.
Ah well, in a better place now. You will be too, one day. Hope your tooth feels better soon! Faith!
Last edited by hoosjim; 12/23/1911:11 PM.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
I continue to fret over being alone but it's for all the wrong reasons. I'm jealous that he "won". I'll be labeled as some unlovable loser pitied by everyone. I'll be the mother whose adult kids have to buy me food because I got dumped after 30 years.
My parents didn't love me and I've felt like an unlovable loser my entire life. I still think someone out there can make me feel lovable.
I love my kids but since WAH left I'm seeing that they too felt unlovable by me. Feeling loved is more than taking care of basic necessities. Duh. My parents, feeling like unlovable losers themselves self medicated with alcohol, tv, work, food, etc. They tried but they couldn't give me what they didn't have.
So I need to stay alone, heal and be the lighthouse for my kids. Still struggling to bond with D14 but she's coming over every day so that's a start right? I don't want to mess this up.
If your there for her and are able to validate her feelings with zero judgment she will open up to you.
If you only make one change in your behavior, this is the important one.
My step daughter told me "You are the only person that listens to me". This is what you want your kids to say to you. Or "thanks for listening". Or "Thanks for being here for me".
Listen without judgment. Listen to understand how she feels. Love her unconditionally.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
