Down, but not out ..... yet.

[Georgiabelle]

Hi G,

I’m just catching up here. I’m sorry you are having such a tough time at work. That is very draining both physically and mentally. And I certainly relate to the holiday “blahs.” It IS cuffing season so it seems like everyone (even though it’s not true) is paired off. Even my friend who hasn’t dated anyone in over 5 years is with someone. And while I’m happy for her, I feel...weird. I think it will be very challenging for me to get into a relationship and that makes me sad.

Hang in there. Enjoy your dog. Have fun with D. Try to do the best you can at work. It’s all any of us can do in life-the best we can. Sending you a hug.

[Ginger1]

Two feet, I would
Move out to Colorado without even blinking if I could. I am a nurse and I’m lucky my profession yields similar salaries throughout the country in addition to there always being jobs.

Georgia! Welcome back. I read your update and I can’t begin to say how much I relate. Although a inch of guys aren’t checking me out, lol. Everyone else but me pretty much has someone. And it is tough. Most of my ex boyfriends are getting married or couples and everyone around me is too. It just adds to the loneliness. All we can do is the best we can, right? Hugs right back at ya!!!

.....................

I was doing some somewhat positive thinking. Which is not easy for me right now. But hey, why not?

I’m surviving work, it got a little better today. I got to my fitness class 2 days in a row! I’m kicking butt there. But the sweet treats keep rolling in...... I haven’t been going out, so my drinking is minimal. One glass of wine per night.

For some reason I began thinking of the what I really liked about the guys I most seriously dated. Or meant the most to me anyways. I’m trying to roll them all together to really figure out what I am looking for.

Each guy had their own very special qualities. Each relationship had their own “pull”

The first guy we dated shortly, he didn’t want anything serious with me and we became FWB over the course of 4-5 years on and off. He was 15 years older but in similar places. We never really went out, maybe dinner a few times, but I loved hanging at his place. We both loved the same hockey team and would watch games together with our own running commentary. We were comfortable
with each other and a place of comfort until he found “the one” my favorite dates were the time we played Mario cart while drinking wine. I remember it vividly. The other one was where we spent New Year’s Eve together watching Times Square show on the Spanish channel. I smile every time I think of that night.

Then there was exNG. I don’t think I will ever have a connection with anyone like him again. It can’t be explained. If there are soul mates who aren’t meant to be together, he was it. I think he would still say the same even though he is engaged. I have never felt so comfortable and me around anyone in my life. Since he was out of state, we spent whole weekends together. Cooking dinner together. Spending time with our friends up there, shopping, having a lazy Sunday on the couch in front of the fire talking about everything and just watching Tv. I wish more than anything all the more fundamental stuff could have come together for us. But it didn’t.

FF. 9 years younger. No one has ever made me feel like a more special woman than he did. He wanted to spend time to with me. Thought up fun dates. When we first started seeing each other, I remember one night, we only had 45 min to spend together while my D was at dance. I had to go to the grocery store. He came with me just to see me. I loved the relationship we had. He knew how to date a woman. But again, the age difference couldn’t let it happen.

Then M. Oh M. My longest. The one I thought I had a future with. What did I love about our R? Well, he seemed really into me at first. And was always wanting to help me with physical stuff. We did always have fun together when he would want to spend time with me. But the truth is. The connection wasn’t really there like with the other guys. I thought he was more practical, but he wasn’t . And it makes me sad. He was right. There was something missing. I think if he wasn’t still dealing with all the stuff, he could have connected more.

Oh. I forgot my exH. I haven’t really highlighted the positive in a long time from when we were together. He also spoke my LL of quality time. He did love to spend time with me. He was pretty engaged with me too, honestly. We did almost everything together. And we went to bed every night together ( unless I was working night shift, of course) we enjoyed the same things. He’s just was mean and selfish. If he was more loving, caring, and empathetic, I imagine he would have been a good husband and a good match for me.

If you actually read this, congrats.

I have found very different qualities in different t men. There one good ones.
I imagine myself with a guy who desires to spend time with me, has similar interest, and we have that great connection, where we could do anything or nothing as long as we are together and still enjoy it. Someone who thinks I’m important. Someone I feel comfortable with and treats me like a lash, and does t just give up.

I hope he’s out there. But it’s a tall order, I know that.

[bttrfly]

honey what's a lash and why do you want to be treated like one??? xoxoxo :*

[Ginger1]

honey what's a lash and why do you want to be treated like one??? xoxoxo :*

Lol! Lady! You must have actually read that!!

[bttrfly]

of course! I always read your thread, lol

[JujuB]

it helps to know what you want and then refuse to settle for less.

I see that you recently did that Ginger, and I Think that’s gonna spark a change for you when you reenter the dating world.

Men don’t respect women that settle. They will work hard and value a woman that negotiates more for herself. You say that in the past, the guys found” the one” after you. That’s not because you are any less nice, intelligent pretty, funny, easy going then these other girls. I think it’s because you didn’t expect anything from them. Guys like to live up to expectations.

If what you wanted was a LTR, from the beginning - don’t accept less. Don’t be someone’s side piece. (Aka FWB) it’s devaluing and guys sense that they can take advantage. It’s the female equivalent for a guy being friend zoned and it takes time away from finding someone that is looking for what you are looking for.

Don’t give too much and make them work for you. You don’t have to play games or come on too strong to do this. Like if someone’s not putting in effort early on - don’t talk to him about it. (That’s for when your in a relationship and shows your attached a bit too early to even bring it up) Just detach and see what else is out there.

I know this sounds old fashioned and doesn’t correlate with feminism. But i think it’s realistic.

[Dawn70]

He IS out there, but you know how men are, girl. He's probably just lost and refusing to ask for directions.

[TBSakaJ9]

You know G, I think you are getting close. Looking back I am sure you know that none of these men were right for you. You settled with M and you know that.

Get back on the horse when you are ready. Get to a place emotionally where you are feeling positive and good about yourself.

Like attracts like......the universe has a funny way of putting the right people in your life at the right times!

[Ginger1]

I think I’m really beginning to feel the shift. I also think I feel my time might finally be coming.

I’m advocating for myself for sure. I’m done trying to “keep” a guy around, ignoring red flags and not walking away when a guy takes me granted or makes me feel like less.

With M, I did know he wasn’t for me. I did t have with him what I had with the other guys.... M just seemed like the more practical mature choice on paper. Lived close, single parents, had jobs, etc. but that special intimacy wasn’t there. He wasn’t really even aware of me. I’m kind of sad I wasted a year. But I was happy for some of it. I loved the feeling of being with him and his family. And I got a chance to love his son. Not all was lost. But really, he was not for me.

I’ve been recommitted to the my exercise classes. I go twice a week, which is my membership, but I want to go more. It makes me feel really good. My eating isn’t all that hot yet, the holidays are killing me, but I’m trying.

I also realized I need to love myself as is. I told myself I wanted to look hot in a bikini for my 40th birthday. And the. I was like “really? That’s my goal?! How about to be good with who I am and what I’ve achieved and just be happy and content with me and where I am in my life?” I don’t think m that could be measured by looking hot in a bikini. I’m happy enough to feel my endurance coming back and getting towards fit again,

My goals are changing for myself. Evolving. I hope that when I hop back onto online dating, that it is reflected and comes back around to me.

I’m really truly ready now for the real thing.

[kml]

Line from a show I was just watching: "We accept the love we think we deserve".

You deserve more, girl.