Just be yourself and allow him some space. If he wants to talk, listen very carefully and do not offer up advice/comments unless he asks for your input.
Travel safely to your in-laws and have a good time. Don't allow him to put a damper on your holiday.
Enjoy the time away and definitely....keep the focus on you and your little one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just be yourself and allow him some space. If he wants to talk, listen very carefully and do not offer up advice/comments unless he asks for your input.
Travel safely to your in-laws and have a good time. Don't allow him to put a damper on your holiday.
Enjoy the time away and definitely....keep the focus on you and your little one.
Thank you Job. Good advice that I plan to follow. Not looking forward to silence. I'm always SO chatty! Thank goodness D3 is here to ease us into this homecoming. I don't plan on being a mime, but won't ask any R/M questions. Keep the chatter to a minimum. Let him take the lead.
I've been doing my "homework, studying", my eyes are sore. As advised , just be myself.
Hopefully my next update is an actual update. Waiting with patience.
Last edited by CanBird; 11/25/1905:15 PM.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
D3 & I catch our flight later this afternoon. (H has a seat behind us. And I STILL don't know anything). StepMIL checked in with me via text last night, if H was home. I replied I hadn't heard from him; would let them know. I sent H a simple "Hi" text. No reply. He has two phones, might try the other later; but why bother? Too much? I'm angry. Disappointed and a whole lot of other things. Embarrassed. This is not my fault, I know.
When confronted with questions about H by my in-laws I am going to say my truth. "I'm not sure what's up with H. And I don't want to talk about it/him".
They can ask him. I'm done being the middle man.
Will I have a good time? Ugh..I'm dreading it. It's all for D3. I love my in-laws, they are great. Hoping find a silver lining somewhere. Board games will make me happy.
Last edited by CanBird; 11/27/1903:41 PM.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I am so sorry that the situation of visiting your in-laws is getting off to a rocky start. Keep your expectations at zero so that you do not get angry, upset, disappointed or resentful. You still do not know if he's going to show up for the flight or not...but if he doesn't, that is on him.
Your prepared response for the in-laws is just fine. It's honest and to the point. You aren't your h's keeper, therefore, he will need to be the one to advise them of the situation if and when they finally do see or hear from him.
Go, have a good time and remember...your daughter loves your in-laws and this is a holiday that she will and can enjoy. Leave the MLC monster at home and go. Try to relax and have some fun while you are there.
Travel safely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H was not on our scheduled flight. No one has heard from him. S-MIL asked about him this morning, and again when she picked us up. I was honest, I really don't know what'sgoing on with him. When I saw his Dad, I said the same thing. I hugged him & said, I don't know what to say...I really don't know what's going on.
S-MIL told me his mom &: siblings have been concerned. We all are. This afternoon, I did text both his numbers, with a screen shot of our flight/itinerary, with the words at airport. I just want him to know where his daughter will be. He was emailed this information by his father like a month ago. We're all assuming he saw it. I'm assuming he saw it, and can't face every. Is he home? I don't know. I just wish I knew he was okay. Genuinely worried about his well being.
I must note, he works in remote areas at sea. Work may taken longer & you do need take a small plane to get to the main airport. By not responding to anything, it makes ones mind wander.
Should I reach out? Ask his dad to? We need to know he's okay or to let him know we're here for him.
Last edited by CanBird; 11/28/1908:39 AM.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I’m so sorry to read that H wasn’t on the flight, however, I didn’t expect him to be.
When, on checking in on you every day, he hadn’t come home over the weekend, I thought then it was highly doubtful he would turn up at the airport.
My personal opinion is, that this family trip was the last thing H needs at this time. His emails show he feels really bad for what he’s done, and still doing. The pressure on him to be with the family straight from coming home from sea is just too much for him, and also for you.
The likelihood of something happening to him on the light aircraft is very remote, it’s far more likely that,
A: his job hasn’t quite finished yet or B: he was telling you what he knew you desperately wanted to hear.
I know you’re hurting, angry and very concerned for him right now, but please try and focus on you and your daughter and have a good time. You owe it to yourself.
Now that H’s parents know the score, let them take some of the burden of worry off you. He is their son after all and if reconciliation is to happen, you will both need that support from everyone.
He has told you that he wants to come home. Hold on to that. He could have told you that he wasn’t coming home. Very easy to do in an email.
He’s indicated that he wants you to keep the door ajar. I don’t think he had any intention of coming last weekend, but knew you would be spending time with his parents and would have to say something to them.
His behaviour is typical of someone in MLC. My H promised a couple of times he would come home.........it took him over a year to do so.
You have to dig deeper now, the holidays are around the corner and he will have you and your daughter very much in his mind.
I wouldn’t contact him. He knows you love him and are concerned for his well being. He knows where you are and as far as he’s concerned, he’s told you he wants to come home.
There is nothing else that you can do but continue to GAL and focus on you and your daughter.
Sorry to hear H wasn’t on flight. I agree largely with Westo. It’s the pressure that’s driving H and his actions. He will reach out when he’s ready. Focus on you and your kids/family.
I think H flipped flopped between wanting to come and just can’t face things. Remember the seeds of crisis are usually sown in childhood; seeing his parents may be too much right now.
You told him your wants and that he is welcomed home. Don’t worry - he knows that.
Now, let this go, and enjoy the weekend. It’s ok to take a few days off.
You’ve given him the assurance of where you and daughter are, and that you are both safe. That is one less burden on his mind - good job. Give him the time and space he needs, he will take it anyhow - like he is doing now.
Focus on you and daughter, and please try to enjoy Thanksgiving.
(((CanBird)))
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
His parents now know the truth Let them do the contacting he may still call them or you-
But you will get more by trying to enjoy the moments as best as possible-I know you are disappointed The MLCer has a knack for throwing crumbs and again and again retreating... they are confused and in pain and usually cant make up their mind
He opened the door with you- now you are free to be honest with his parents and let go- Begin creating a new life..with no expectations..just good wishes for him it is totally out of you control anyway
The MLCer sometimes abandons their parents, siblings, best friends and relatives as well as the spouse and kids
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks everyone. Very thankful to wake up to all these posts.
I'm not contacting H; only replies. His family can do what they like.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
