If you have not contacted a lawyer, you need to do so. Changing the password may mean that he does not want you to see what he is actually spending. He could also be aware that you are watching that account...so he shut you out.
He's not going to identify what he's focused on. It could be work, something fun, i.e., such as a new hobby, or something else...but he's not ready to reveal what it is at this time. Then again, he may not even know which end is up.
Of course, money is an issue. He has to pay the bills for his family and he's not happy that he has to "share" the burden of responsibility of a family that he has put up on a shelf. He may very well afford the bills and the rent increase for now, but he's going to get tired of doing this. My advice, if you can get into any of the accounts, withdraw half of the funds and put them in a new account now.
Do take the time to speak to a lawyer to see what you are entitled to and how to proceed if he stops paying for things.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If you have not contacted a lawyer, you need to do so. Changing the password may mean that he does not want you to see what he is actually spending. He could also be aware that you are watching that account...so he shut you out.
We both have attorney's. He's aware I know more about his finances than he does. He's either preparing to file or shutting me out. We agreed on a settlement 4 months ago.
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He's not going to identify what he's focused on. It could be work, something fun, i.e., such as a new hobby, or something else...but he's not ready to reveal what it is at this time. Then again, he may not even know which end is up.
You're right none of us know what he's doing.
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Of course, money is an issue. He has to pay the bills for his family and he's not happy that he has to "share" the burden of responsibility of a family that he has put up on a shelf. He may very well afford the bills and the rent increase for now, but he's going to get tired of doing this. My advice, if you can get into any of the accounts, withdraw half of the funds and put them in a new account now.
Do take the time to speak to a lawyer to see what you are entitled to and how to proceed if he stops paying for things.
He followed the divorce playbook and within days our finances were split 50/50.
Thank you for bringing this up though. If he stopped paying now I have enough saved to cover rent until the lease is up and moving expenses. It would be tight but we won't starve.
August 1 he goes out of his way via S19 to try to fix my car (was previously angry when I asked for help).
August 2 I send an apologetic, sincere, kind email. I tell him my car is my responsibility that I’d handle it. I thanked him for his patience and continued financial support. Told him I would no longer ask for help unless it was kid related.
August 13 he took D13 to an open house stating it was the least he could do since I am stuck with all the homework. This is new. Normally he loves it when I suffer.
August 15 he changed the password on the budget I prepared.
July 22 - D16 is in the hospital. He stays in the waiting room because she won't talk to him. He's pissed and blames this on me. I ask if I can give her hope and he says he had hope but he overheard me talking bad about him (true). Says he's DONE.
I fret on this all night before I send him a text the next morning. I thanked him for calling me on my bad behavior (I never do this). Too much to type it all out but I handled it well. We texted all day (he's mostly mad but he's being civil). Later that night I needed to get D16 food and my check engine light is on. I text him and he ignores me and S19. 6am the next morning he says he's confused, sad, angry, etc. but that he'd fix my car. Said he needed to calm down.
6 hours later I text him and tell him I got Auto Zone to read the code. It's nothing. He replies and our texting resumes.
July 24 - now he's interested in my car. He communicates via S19. He wants to fix it.
Aug 2 - I realize that we are getting divorced and my car is MY responsibility. I send him an email (we'd quit texting by now). I took ownership of my responsibility. During these weeks WAH waves at me (once) and our conversations leave me feeling positive.
In this email I say I'm going to learn how to drive S19's stick shift to have a backup plan. This was S19's suggestion.
Aug 6 - S19 and WAH have dinner and S19 discusses how my driving lessons are going. WAH wasn't pissed off at the sound of my name. I'll take it.
I think I see the thread of the story--after your goof on July 22nd you apologized.. his texting increased (you ended it since he's divorcing).. he offered to help with your car (you said no since he's divorcing).. he asked about your driving.. he went to an open house to help you.. through Aug 13th it looked like he was moving towards you after realizing what without meant.
And then 10 days ago he changed passwords and little contact.
I felt like things got more positive after D16 was in the hospital but it's likely because I'd made up his mind for him right? He may have realized that D16 isn't coming back unless he comes back so that made up his mind too.
I could be overthinking this whole thing. He has acted like this before. He's known me for 30 years so he knows where all my buttons are. I'm a recovering control freak so he's got to know this kills me.
On the flip side I know where his buttons are too. I've got the home field advantage which must kill him. I know now this is part of why people (mostly men) are told not to move out until the D is final. I was a detached mother. By physically leaving he gave me a heads up and ample time to repair my relationship with the kids.
Had he stayed he could have continued to be the "favorite" parent. He could have then transitioned from our home to an actual home where they could have lived/visited, had dinner, watched tv, played video games, the whole nine. He misses the kids but his impulsiveness has cost him.
I think I see the thread of the story--after your goof on July 22nd you apologized.. his texting increased (you ended it since he's divorcing).. he offered to help with your car (you said no since he's divorcing).. he asked about your driving.. he went to an open house to help you.. through Aug 13th it looked like he was moving towards you after realizing what without meant.
And then 10 days ago he changed passwords and little contact.
Ok the little contact is normal. The only reason it started back up was because D16 was in the hospital. I fully expected it to end. Its ONLY been 5 months - he's nowhere near ready to talk to me. As long as I'm still in the house there is still hope.
My gut is telling me the password change probably has more to do with our anniversary than anything. He got upset and reacted.
He moved out 5 months ago. The psychology of a breakup is that (generally) if he were going to file he would have done it already (I'm a researcher). He's either cake eating, having doubts or trying to solve a problem. My WAH is having doubts.
Psychology says the first 5 months will give WAH relief. He's in no rush to file because he's FREE. Approximately 6-8 months will be unpleasant unless he has someone. Months 9-12 are (generally) when the decision is made.
My WAH isn't missing me AT ALL (zero, zip, nada) but he is having doubts.
The rental house - the lease is up 7 months after he left. My gut says he won't be ready to commit either way at this point. He will pay the extra rent (2-4 months) so he won't uproot the kids until after the holidays.
If your psychology is right. I'm screwed. He moved out 6 weeks ago and filed for five 2 weeks ago. It will be final in 3 to 5 months, nothing I can do to stop it. No kids. Lol damn
