Husband is having an affair...trying LRT 2

[CSL]

Thank you ovrrnbw. I appreciate your support and advice.

him saying he needs space and then chatting all day has to be strange. Don't overthink or try to understand. He knows it's weird too but talking about probably won't help anything.

It's so strange. My DB coach feels that my H is still very connected to me. I think he is afraid of losing that connection. Especially the friendship piece- the day to day stuff.

You're right about him making excuses as to why he is checking in on you. I think it's a decent sign that he is still interested in you enough to want to know what you're up to.

I agree. He often asks about my plans, or what I am up to. He very carefully presses for info. He is very casual and tries to sound laid back, but I don't think he's doing it just to be polite.

.

So if you can pull back gently and in a detached (not cold, not angry) type of way I think this works to your advantage. I think you need to take longer to respond, sometimes don't respond, and sometimes respond right away..Maybe have plans the next time he invites you out. He needs to realize that other people value and desire you too and that his half "butt" commitment doesn't mean squat.

This is great advice, but it is so hard for me. I have difficulty finding that balance without sounding cold. It's funny because he definitely has a hard time when I don't respond immediately. He texted me something earlier. It was kind of a cute question about a picture I had posted of myself on FB. I didn't respond immediately and within 15 minutes he texted, "disregard that comment. It was stupid. It was nice to see that picture. Have a good night." He followed it up telling me he felt weird after he sent it, but it was a nice picture. I responded with a thanks, I was at so and so's house, just saw your message. Now, my urge is to call him to see what is wrong, but I won't. I'm going to leave it as is. I am thinking the picture triggered something and his response was something that would have been natural 6 months ago. When I didn't respond he started to panic a bit. I know it's silly, but to think he was sitting and stressing about why I hadn't responded makes me feel kind of good. I have been in that position so many times over the past 6 months, I'm glad to think he is now feeling it.

He's clearly confused and in a lot of pain. So be patient, use this time to refocus on yourself and not get too caught up in his chaos. Good luck!

Yes, he is in pain, he is confused, and I believe depressed. Everyone I know tells me I am so patient in so many areas of my life, yet this is different. This is a loss of control which fuels my anxiety. I never realized how controlling I was until my children politely pointed it out to me one day. My control issues revolve around making everything ok, when things go awry I panic and try to find a resolution or solution quickly. So yes, patience in this situation is difficult for me. I just want it fixed now.