Michele says in one of her books that she thinks it's OK to continue having sex as long as it doesn't cause you emotional trauma. If it does then stop. So basically it's your choice.
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She said afterwards she worries its giving me false hope
Great opportunity to listen and validate. "Yes I can understand why you might think that." Then if she actually asks you if it's giving you false hope you can reply with something like "no I understand your position, I would rather we work on the M but I will honor your decision and I understand that sex isn't going to change your mind."
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but I just intend to not mention it when she gets hone, if she mentions it, play it down.
I'm really struggling to stay strong and do the detachment/ 180. We had a lovely day at the beach with the youngest, we get on better than we have done in years, we can talk, she laughs when I tease her and vice versa. Shell punch me on the arm (playfully) and she held me saying I was warm and she was trying to warm up. But she's still adamant it's over. Talk about mixed signals. She's never off her phone so I wonder if it's the other guy but I know she isn't seeing him because he isn't local and she's never out long enough (plus I know she goes where she says shes been). Maybe it's the thought of being able to meet up with him or someone else that's driving her to split?
This is something I struggle with as well. The attention feels nice, but it's so confusing. One minute I think we are moving towards reconciling, the next my H is telling me it's too much and he needs space. He is the one who reaches out, but then pulls away when things start to go well. The mixed signals are painful. I feel for you.
It feels terrible, but I finally had to set a boundary with my H. He requested space, so I had to remind him that he asked for space, but he is not taking it. My C told me to tell him that we should refrain from the constant texting, checking in, and checking on one another. Our spouses are cake eating any chance they get. My C reminded me that my H needs to feel the anxiety of not contacting me, of not knowing, and deal with it. I am not giving him the chance to miss me if I'm still acting as if we are together. My H was happy with living on his own, doing his own thing and keeping tabs on me all the time. He is definitely not happy with the boundary I have set. We will see what happens.
This is so hard Gomez. Continue to work on yourself. I wish you the best of luck.
Because I have no clue what I'm doing! I tried this morning- she thought I was being off with her. "We had a lovely day at the beach yesterday, why are you being off with me now?" How do I respond to that? I have no proof she's still messaging the other guy and she is certainly not going to admit to it. What if I'm wrong? I know shes cake eating but surely our relationship deteriorating if she thinks I'm constantly off with her isnt going to help things?
I have news for you. Your relationship is already deteriorated. You can't reconcile while she's messaging other men. She's manipulating you right now. She will play nice with you until she solidifies a relationship with OM and then will D you.
Just say " I'm fine maybe just a little tired". You may have a chance here if you can show her YOU are not sure what You want and You need time and space to think.
It’s a fair point you make. My question is practicalities. She knew straight away I was being short with her. How do I explain a sudden change from cordial to aloof? I can’t say “because you’re messaging other guys”- I have no proof, just a gut feeling and she will say I’m being paranoid.
It’s a fair point you make. My question is practicalities. She knew straight away I was being short with her. How do I explain a sudden change from cordial to aloof? I can’t say “because you’re messaging other guys”- I have no proof, just a gut feeling and she will say I’m being paranoid.
Why are you being "short" with her? Is that what you think detachment is? That's not it. Are you familiar with Sandi's rules?
