This is a great opportunity for you to practice detachment, also called differentiation.
He is in a mood. It is not your fault, and it is not your job to fix it. Don’t let his mood affect yours.
Have a great lunch with your friend.
And repeat after me, “not my circus; not my monkeys.”
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
He ended coming to bed after he realized I wasn't coming to see why he left the MB. He looks unhappy this morning and won't speak to me. I avoided doing my morning phone call to him again. He can call me if he wants to see how my day is going.
I am having lunch with a girlfriend today.
Wow he sounds EXTREMELY passive/aggressive. Does he play up the "nice guy" routine around others? Everyone you know would say he's a super nice guy, but behind closed doors when no one is around he treats you like a leper? He'll eventually do the same thing to OW, but right now he's on his best behavior. She's being fooled by the "nice guy" facade.
Does he play up the "nice guy" routine around others? Everyone you know would say he's a super nice guy, but behind closed doors when no one is around he treats you like a leper? He'll eventually do the same thing to OW, but right now he's on his best behavior. She's being fooled by the "nice guy" facade.
He is a nice guy, at least the man I married was. When the affair first started I was treated like a leper. Yep,she doesn't know his depressive side. I'm sure he doesn't see her faults too. Her marriage isn't that great either. To him, she is so shiny!
Ended up having a good lunch with my girlfriend yesterday. Took my time getting home, which I no longer rush to get there. H seemed to be out of the funk he was in the day before. He made dinner (usually does) and cleaned up afterwards. I tidied up and cleaned one of the kid's room. That inspired the other kids to work on their room.
This morning before heading out the door He thanked me for packing lunches. I told him you're welcome and then he reponded with "you're welcome for breakfast." I did not thank him, so he made sure he made me feel ungrateful. I said nothing.
It's only day 3 of trying to move on and I'm worn out. I feel defeated.
Ended up having a good lunch with my girlfriend yesterday. Took my time getting home, which I no longer rush to get there. H seemed to be out of the funk he was in the day before. He made dinner (usually does) and cleaned up afterwards. I tidied up and cleaned one of the kid's room. That inspired the other kids to work on their room.
This morning before heading out the door He thanked me for packing lunches. I told him you're welcome and then he reponded with "you're welcome for breakfast." I did not thank him, so he made sure he made me feel ungrateful. I said nothing.
It's only day 3 of trying to move on and I'm worn out. I feel defeated.
Its ok to say "Thank you" when they do something for you. However, if you don't feel like it or feel taken for granted then you don't have to. I barely talk to my STBXWW. So don't feel bad.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
CSL- you're strength amazes me! You are doing a great job! I am following your stitch and am here to support you as well.
SoTorn- yes, I don't always feel like I "have" to say thank you to him, but he is apparently expecting it! I feel that even though I don't say the words, it doesn't mean my heart is ungrateful, but if needs to hear it to make himself feel better than I will thank the heck out of everything just to avoid conflict and being seen as "ugly." Wise DBers, is that correct?
How does one GAL with young kids at home? I don't want to be accused of abandoning the kids to do my own thing. Do I ask H to watch the kids or do I make plans, announce I'm leaving and go?
