This morning on the way to church H whips out his phone while driving and says he is checking his notifications and I ask who is sending you a message?! He tells me it's the OW and knows that it would make me mad. I paused and knew this was the time to say something. I said that she consumes his time and he rather spend it with her than have a relationship with us (me and the kids). I told him that he is an adult and he makes his choices to continue the affair, but I don't want to share my husband with another woman. I don't want an open relationship/marriage. He responded saying he did not want to talk about it. That's his usual defense..."I don't want to talk about it." As soon as we get to church he stays in the car to send her a message.
Well I thought I was making progress in detaching but even though I calmly I expressed my feelings, I was hurt and silently cried on the car ride.
I made sure to use the word "affair" when talking about him and the OW because he has denied their friendship being an affair. Umm, married people don't tell other people of the opposite sex that you love them and are meant to be together.
One way leads you down the path, where you are passively awaiting him suddenly seeing the light, while you get more and more depressed and waste your life in the process..
The other roads sets a boundary in accordance to that statement you made in the car: "I will not share my husband with another woman". His response "I dont want to talk about it" <-- Let me translate.. "I know, that you dont have the courage to stand up to my complete and utter lack of respect towards you, so as long as I can have my family, and OW on the side, hell I am not about to change anything..." <--- You made a statement, but you need to figure out if you are willing to back it up.... Its nothing but empty words unless and until you show him that you are done with his absolute pathetic way of treating you.
Last edited by Hurt213; 05/05/1902:30 PM.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
One way leads you down the path, where you are passively awaiting him suddenly seeing the light, while you get more and more depressed and waste your life in the process..
The other roads sets a boundary in accordance to that statement you made in the car: "I will not share my husband with another woman". His response "I dont want to talk about it" <-- Let me translate.. "I know, that you dont have the courage to stand up to my complete and utter lack of respect towards you, so as long as I can have my family, and OW on the side, hell I am not about to change anything..." <--- You made a statement, but you need to figure out if you are willing to back it up.... Its nothing but empty words unless and until you show him that you are done with his absolute pathetic way of treating you.
Very powerful words there that speak the truth. I have been trying to wait it out, to ignore his behavior and move on but the affair has not ended like I thought it would.
So now that he is aware that I will not share him or have an open relationship how do I proceed without being a controlling B?
Pay close attention for RobX quote that contains "look I get it, you don't want to be with me anymore"
Take notes. Come up with a plan. Share your plan with us. Let us review, then execute the plan.
Thank you Ready2Change. I will read both posts, think about it and make a plan.
After service today we came home and had lunch. H has been very sweet and kind. Looking into my eyes when I speak. It's weird. It's like the conversation I had with him changed his behavior a bit because he knows I'm not happy with him and his continued "friendship".
I have stopped calling to check on his day. What do I say when he asks why I haven't called? I want to say something to the effect of "I don't have much to say while she has your attention. You reach to her constantly. I don't want to share your time with her."
Perhaps he'll now see how hard it will be to keep two women happy at the same time. However my happiness is not dependent on him.
Got home this evening and H is alone in the bedroom. He has been giving me the silent treatment. I can see he is upset that I did not call him at all today.
He is very good at holding grudges and initiating the silent treatment. In fact one of his family members went several months not talking to their own mother.
Not sure what waters I have stirred up, but I hope it's causing him to think and know that I am not okay with his affair.
He ended coming to bed after he realized I wasn't coming to see why he left the MB. He looks unhappy this morning and won't speak to me. I avoided doing my morning phone call to him again. He can call me if he wants to see how my day is going.
I am having lunch with a girlfriend today. 😁
