I got nothing new going on right now. Will see the Dr tonight at 8 pm after her son goes to bed for a little almost mid-week action. Then I won't see her again until Saturday. She asked her XH if he would be willing to take their son on the 5th weekends of the month so our schedule would not get off. I guess he is going to think about it and let her know.
She really is a good girl, I am lucky to have met her and in many ways is the polar opposite of my XW. My feelings still ebb and flow, maybe have deepened some but I don't feel this maddening feeling of love. Everyone just tells be to be patient with myself and there is no rush, timetable or need to hurry anything. I also don't feel any pressure from her either so I suppose that helps.
The Dr. literally goes from home, to work, to gym and then back home again. She does not have a huge, wide circle of friends and is not meeting anyone out for happy hours, book clubs, birthday parties or any social events like that. I know with my XW she always seemed to have something going on with her friends which took her away from home. If the DR. did those things I think it would certainly make her more intriguing. Her entire life between her office, gym and kids school is all contained within a 5 mile bubble of where she lives.
In 7 days it will be 3 months of dating. I do find myself getting more comfortable, not as anxious or nervous before going over to her house. I suppose that is a good thing. I still find myself needing and wanting my own space and autonomy. I guess that is a good thing. I do like her and I am attracted to her but I am not all spun up over her, having this maddening feeling of needing to be around her 24 x 7. I feel very comfortable with enforcing my boundaries, doing what I want to do, and she allows me to do so. I don't find myself just agreeing to things to placate her or make her happy. Maybe this is a more mature R IDK. Don't get me wrong I am attracted to her I just feel emotionally stable, very much in control.
I write all of that to say this. I have met women that I felt more of an immediate connection with right from the start and it was very intense. Those failed just as quickly as they got started. Maybe this slow, getting to know each other, getting comfortable with each other, and learning one another is how it's supposed to be????
And yes, I think it's harder to feel that once you grow up and understand he difference That's not a bad thing - infatuation can lead you down the wrong path.
Sounds to me like you like the Dr., enjoy her company, and that's all you really need to know for now. That's what dating is for - to get to know the person better and see if you are really a match.
As for her not having much of a social life outside of work - well, you wanted someone who was a gym rat like yourself, between that, single motherhood and a high powered job, she's gonna be short on time for other things. Do you get the feeling her social life was always this limited, or is it a result of post-divorce circumstances? Perhaps you should make more of an effort to introduce her to your friends and encourage her to introduce you to hers - you might learn more valuable information about her by seeing her interact with others.
I've felt a variety of ways about the men I've dated since my divorce - but not so much that giddy infatuation, because I feel my eyes are wide open now. Some I was just very fond of - loved them as they were, that they existed in the world, while knowing they were not right for me for a long term relationship. Some were just friendly flings and remain friends now (without benefits). Crazy ex-BF I ended up feeling more like his mom.
I'm more willing to accept relationships as they are without feeling the need to shoehorn them into some expectation. This is easier maybe because my kids are grown and I don't care to remarry.
I do like her....I am just not sure what I should be feeling at this point in time. I am sure her social life is more of a product of being a single mom, a demanding job, and not having a lot of time on her hands.
I do think meeting some friends is the next step. I am not opposed to it there just has not been a good time yet to where it has worked out.
While I am not looking to get married tomorrow obviously finding someone that is a good mom, good role model, etc. for my girls is very important and so far there is no indication that she would not be outstanding. While I have not met her son or have seen her parent he appears like a very happy, healthy, normal 7 yr old boy. She seems to be a very loving, caring, devoted mother who loves her son very much.
I am actually kind of glad I don't feel that giddy infatuation feeling where the other person takes over your life. This seems much more healthy to me.
Yup, infatuation is very different from love. I don’t think I have wanted to be around someone 24/7 except when I was 19. I love being with M, I think he loves being with me, but when we have our own homes and responsibilities, just being in our own space feels good. M could have stayed over Monday night, but he was ready to go home. He went for the last day of the snowboarding season then chilled at home. I get it.
I mean, not having ANY friends or doing anything social with them is a little..... off. I have a very nice tight circle of friends and we like to hang together. But we have lives, careers, children to raise, etc and it doesn’t happen nearly as often as we hope. I imagine if I had a full week without my child every other week, I would be spending much more time with my friends or doing hobbies I enjoy. But I don’t have that time. A bunch of friends got to get her from my old job and I had my D. Couldn’t go. They texted me into their dinner conversation, lol.
Don’t focus on what you think k you should feel. What do you actually feel and does it make you feel good? That’s all that matters.
So, are you having time with your friends or have you been skipping out I. That too? What do you do outside of kids, gym, and the doctor? Are you keeping up with that stuff?
J9 - We're still on a similar path in some ways. I'm not feeling the head over heels thing either and yes - it's confusing to me too. It's like I've got a little observer sitting on my shoulder guarding the last few doors.
I know it's tough to make the time, but is there an upcoming opportunity for something with friends? For me it would be something like a charity dinner (I'm fancy doncha know) or just out and about social activities like a festival (that was this past weekend) or concert like what Dawn and Sparky like doing.
If she's not interested then that's something you'll have to judge as to if she is indeed a good match for you. She likes her ranch and shooting stuff but does seem to be someone who doesn't really need or perhaps want others around. You know her better than a random internet observer though.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I agree with those who posted before me that infatuation and love are two entirely different animals. I am with Ginger...stop worrying about how you are SUPPOSED to feel/think and just feel/think. Everyone is on a different timeline so you don't have to have certain feeling benchmarks that you have to hit (i.e. 3 months this feeling, 6 months this feeling, etc.).
Sometimes being overly-analytical is not necessarily a good thing. What about the coach's motto of hang out, hook up, have fun. I don't think there is a 4th part to it that says to do those things and then over-think it all to the nth degree. Just relax and enjoy.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
What about the coach's motto of hang out, hook up, have fun. I don't think there is a 4th part to it that says to do those things and then over-think it all to the nth degree. Just relax and enjoy.