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HB_Wife #2843850 03/29/19 06:03 PM
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For the first time in about 3 months, H called me honey. The stomach bug has been going through the house, he just recovered from it and now I'm sick. He said it twice..."How do you feel honey? and before he left for work, "I hope you feel better honey."


I know I'm not supposed to believe what he says, but it was noticed and felt nice.

ovrrnbw #2843852 03/29/19 06:14 PM
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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

What boundaries do you think are good for now?



That's the thing, I don't know what needs boundaries. He's not ugly towards me or the kids. He takes care of things around the house and he takes care of us, more than before. I did address his accusing me of acting a certain way to make me look bad and the OW look good. Since Sunday he has made an effort to be kinder and is talking to me more.

This is all so confusing! Ugh.

HB_Wife #2843864 03/29/19 08:08 PM
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"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change

Thank you for showing me this! I'll take the time to read through it.

Last edited by HB_Wife; 03/30/19 07:47 PM.
HB_Wife #2844152 04/01/19 07:35 PM
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So what can I do to encourage the EA to end? I know I have no control over it or what he does, but are there things that other have said or done to make it end?

HB_Wife #2844171 04/01/19 09:08 PM
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Originally Posted by HB_Wife
So what can I do to encourage the EA to end? I know I have no control over it or what he does, but are there things that other have said or done to make it end?


Work on become the best, most attractive YOU you can.

As for words, this stands out:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1868673#Post1868673

Remember, timing is key. Most do things at the wrong time and the wrong order. Best you can do is read as much as you can. Use DR as a launch pad for your personal growth during this most difficult sitch. I was consuming 2-3 self help books a week.

Read this:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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[quote=Ready2Change] Work on become the best, most attractive YOU you can. [/quoted]

How do you get past the anger? The wanting to hit H on the side of the head as he ignores everyone in the family and is fixed on his phone?

He started a movie after dinner for the family to watch, but instead spent the whole time chatting with the OW. So, I got up and left him and the kids I'm the living room while I spent time alone in the bedroom.

HB_Wife #2844303 04/03/19 01:35 AM
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Originally Posted by HB_Wife
How do you get past the anger? The wanting to hit H on the side of the head as he ignores everyone in the family and is fixed on his phone?


Anger is a response to weak boundaries.

H, When you...I feel...if you...I will....

You set and enforce your personal boundaries. Most of us here had weak boundaries in the M.


When I am angry, I channel that raw energy into proactive work.

Forgiveness is the other side.

Everything happens for reason. Sometimes we don't like or understand what we are to learn from an experience.




So you leaving the room is one of your boundaries.

When you text OW while in my presents I feel disrespected and angry. If you continue to text her in my presence, I will go to my room.

Others have stronger boundaries:


When you text OW while in my presents I feel disrespected and angry. If you text her in my presence, I will bring it to your attention how disrespectful that is and ask you to do that away from the home.


Others have even stronger boundaries:

"If you continue your affair, I will file for divorce."


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
HB_Wife #2844309 04/03/19 04:16 AM
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R2C, thank you. I'm starting to understand!

HB_Wife #2844416 04/03/19 06:19 PM
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You teach people how to treat you. Boundaries are even more powerful if you state them to people.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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