Wow... when your brain and heart really decide to move on, it is pretty crazy how quickly it seems to happen. Had a great time at pool last night. I spent so many past league nights feeling sad and only partly there. Last night I was fully there and I laughed like I haven’t laughed in a very long time. It felt amazing!
And then this morning... another milestone moment. My H picks up our D11 on Tuesday and Thursday mornings to take her to tutoring. Normally, I am up and ready for the day and make a point of saying hi. This morning, I got up like I normally do but kind of coasted around and when he showed up, I was drying my hair so I didn’t bother saying hi. In fact, I almost forgot he was coming cause I was too busy getting ready and singing along to my favourite songs. I’m sure he probably thought I didn’t come out of my room on purpose and, in the past, he would have been right. But not this morning... this morning I just did my thing and honestly did not even think about wanting to see him or not wanting to see him.
Starting to explore the idea of dating and getting such a huge response to my OLD profile, I think, has been just what I needed to drop the rope. I think, deep down, my biggest fear was that I was too imperfect, too old, too unloveable to ever be appealing to anyone but the last week has shown me that is not the case and that quality people like me maybe aren’t as common as I thought. So allowing myself to be ruled by my fear and being willing to accept less than what I deserve from my STBXH, is no longer an option. I am only moving forward and I am going to make my life great!!! NO FEAR!!
Anyway...looking forward to my date with country music guy. Keeping my expectations in check and hoping to, at the very least, make a new friend. Wish me luck everyone!!! xoxo
Well... first coffee date done. All I can say is thank goodness I had a limited amount of time. Yikes. He was nice enough but holy cow...felt like I was at work. He is messed up. Nice enough but completely hung up on his crazy ex-girlfriend who sounds a lot like someone I would have met in my days as a child protection social worker. I suggested to him that he read the No More Mr. Nice Guy book and maybe get some therapy. A definite no. And for someone who has about 2% body fat and takes good care of himself, time has not been kind. He is five years younger than me but looks ten years older. Too much tanning, I think. Oh well... back to the drawing board.
I am still supposed to have a date with the country music guy. Given yesterday’s experience, I am keeping my expectations super low. I don’t know a whole lot about him other than that we have similar taste in music and he is my age. And he seems particularly concerned with what I look like and not about who I am as a person. He is super flirtatious. Says if he beats me at pool, I have to make out with him. I told him he wouldn’t be too appealing when he is crying like a baby after having his a$$ handed to him...lol. He thinks I was joking. . Anyway...we’ll see if he is more interested in who I am as a person when we meet but if not, pretty sure it will be a “thanks but no thanks” on my end.
Also had to block someone for the first time. Some 43 year-old guy on the other side of the country who is desparate to be in a relationship. He was surprisingly good looking but his mindset is, I’m sure, a deal breaker for anyone with some self esteem. He fell in love with my picture and would not take no for an answer...kept trying to get my number. I tried to give him some dating advice and told him he probably hasn’t found anyone because people can sense how badly he wants to connect with someone and it is too much pressure. Anyway...had to block him. Super thankful that he doesn’t live near me because he is definitely stalker potential.
Had three guys contact me yesterday who apparently remember me from high school. They all graduated within a year of me but I didn’t recognize any of them. Some people look really different than they did in high school. Not me, I guess...lol. Haven’t decided if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
Anyway...time to get on with the day. Hope all is well out in DB land!! (((HUGS)))
It's great to catch up with your sitch and read such positive updates. Even if the date didn't go well, your mind is clearly in the right place and you are enjoying yourself. That's so awesome to see!
I would be cautious with anyone who keeps talking about your looks. As a guy, I never even mention how a woman looks while texting/chatting - obviously physical attraction is important but there is so much more, and it ends up making you seem shallow. If I didn't think you were attractive I wouldn't have written to you anyway. Even when meeting in person, I might comment how a woman looks good in a certain outfit, but I wouldn't harp on it. It just screams of objectification.
Just go in without expectations like you seem to be, and you will be fine. Enjoy the process as well! Even if things don't work out, you can meet interesting people, or have funny anecdotes for later, or even learn something about yourself. There can almost always be something positive taken from even the worst dates.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I suggested to him that he read the No More Mr. Nice Guy book and maybe get some therapy.
OH WOW. How to know if your first date is going poorly- your date suggests you get some therapy I'm sorry it went bad but you've go to admit it makes for a funny story!
Quote
And he seems particularly concerned with what I look like and not about who I am as a person. He is super flirtatious. Says if he beats me at pool, I have to make out with him.
Oh good, date number 2 is with Shallow Hal! I hope he isn't the creep he's sounding like, but.... creepy creeper sounds creepy. If he is a creeper then please do humiliate him in pool
Quote
Some 43 year-old guy on the other side of the country who is desparate to be in a relationship. He was surprisingly good looking but his mindset is, I’m sure, a deal breaker for anyone with some self esteem. He fell in love with my picture and would not take no for an answer...kept trying to get my number. I tried to give him some dating advice and told him he probably hasn’t found anyone because people can sense how badly he wants to connect with someone and it is too much pressure. Anyway...had to block him. Super thankful that he doesn’t live near me because he is definitely stalker potential.
So what didn't you find attractive about that? No I'm kidding, LOL!
Quote
Had three guys contact me yesterday who apparently remember me from high school. They all graduated within a year of me but I didn’t recognize any of them.
That seems like a strange coincidence, do you think they know each other and decided to launch a multi-pronged attack?
LOL... thanks everyone. Only heard once from country music guy yesterday when he texted me to apologize for not texting me the night before cause I had texted him “How’s work”. He said he was super busy with work and that it was really late when he read my text so he just went to bed. We still haven’t decided where to meet so part of me is hoping he is just going to back out...lol.
I did meet someone who is really interesting. He’s actually from my home town. He is a few years younger than me and has two daughters. One of my friends from high school married his cousin. My sister stalked him on FaceBook and she says she is “in love with him for me” and that he is the male version of me...lol. “How is he single?” He has a really nice, genuine smile. He is in amazing shape and looks like he spends a lot of time outdoors. All of his posts on FaceBook are about self-improvement and inspiring stories and quotes. He told me he had Stage 3 colon cancer 13 years ago and it was “the best thing that ever happened to me”. He said it woke him up. He seems very kind and respectful. On Christmas Eve, he posted that he and his youngest daughter had traveled to the town I live in to surprise his aunt with a turkey dinner [both his parents are deceased like mine] and afterwards, they made 16 turkey sandwiches, filled up some thermoses with hot chocolate and handed them out to homeless people downtown. Even if we are not a “match”, this is someone I would want to have as a friend for sure.
I have an appointment with my lawyer today to sign my separation agreement. Feeling kind of ambivalent about it. I think it will be good to have it done even though I am not looking forward to going into debt again. Luckily, it won’t be a lot compared to what some people deal with and will be easily paid off when I sell my house eventually. My STBXH seems quite desperate to buy a home. I think he is nuts but whatever. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Well...gotta get ready for my day. Love and (((HUGS))) to you all!!!!
Even if we are not a “match”, this is someone I would want to have as a friend for sure.
I've not been following along DejaVu6 and hadn't realized you've moved on to dating - but to me - this is a very healthy attitude.
Just be careful out there. Lots of people are single for very valid reasons that may not be apparent until you get to know them a bit. Boundaries are very important right now.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
So...today I went to my lawyer’s and reviewed the separation agreement. If I had done this two months ago, there would have been tears and overwhelming sadness. Today...just signed and initialed and headed back to work. No sadness, no anger...just acceptance and, dare I say it, detachment. So good to feel good again.
So...I had my date with country music guy. Kept my expectations low. We met at a pool hall and he beat me...lol. I didn’t play well. I kept feeling his eyes on me and it was very distracting. He’s obviously played a few games of pool too. He joked that I owed him four makeout sessions...lol. Anyway, I was a bit worried he might be somewhat creepy given how flirty he was in our texts. Happily, he was not. He was a bit flirty but very respectful and super nice. It wasn’t love at first sight or anything like that but I did enjoy myself and I think he did too. We left the pool hall after about an hour. There was a cute young guy in his 20s that I had chatted with briefly when I walked in and he kept coming over to the jukebox and getting me to pick a song for him. After about the third time, my date looked like he was getting a bit annoyed...lol. He asked if we could maybe go to a coffee shop somewhere to talk so we found a Starbucks and talked until they closed and we got kicked out. He gave me a hug at the end and I saw him kind of hesitate like he was thinking about kissing me but I hugged him quickly and told him we should stay in touch. So... I don’t know. I didn’t not like him at least. Anyway...at the very least, I may have expanded my circle of friends. We’ll see if he contacts me again.
So...dating prospect #2... super fit guy from my home town. He texted me on and off all day today. He talked about forming a friendship but I think he is a bit concerned I may not be into hiking and camping enough for him. He’s probably not wrong. I’ve certainly done my share of trips into the outdoors but not for many years. I used to be a counsellor at a militaristic outward-bound type program for young offenders and it was not very well run. I had some negative experiences and left that job with borderline PTSD. So haven’t done much outdoors since. But if I meet this guy and we click personality-wise, I would be open to doing those things again...just maybe not as much as him. Guess we’ll see.
Driving home from my date gave me lots of time to reflect and check in with myself. I know there is always a worry that someone in my position will go for a rebound relationship but I honestly feel like that is not where I am at. This is really different from when I was in my late 30s and worried I might never have a family. I remember really wanting to find someone. It’s not like that now though. I am pretty happy with my life and where I am at. I don’t need anyone. I am feeling a lot better about myself than I have in a number of years and I really just want to meet new people and date. If I find someone that I REALLY click with, that will be a bonus, but I’m not looking for it and I don’t need it. Honestly though...I did have a great time tonight so may go out with him again if he asks.
. Anyway...we’ll see if he is more interested in who I am as a person when we meet but if not, pretty sure it will be a “thanks but no thanks” on my end.
I'm sorry it went bad but you've go to admit it makes for a funny story!