Time for some updates. Turned out W did think I was going to talk to my mom to ask if she could take son to school on a Tuesday. She was angry, saying it was a request for our son, and it's my mom so I should talk to her. The bridge was burned between W and my mom for a year now. I think the request was for herself, and should have taken responsibility. In the end I did end up making the arrangements because W didn't. It was stressful for me being the middleman coordinating care for my son between my mom and W's mom. In the end yes I did it for my son, but the reason I had to do that for my son was because his mother neglected to take responsibility herself.
Another thing that I have been sitting on: The trip was to CO and when she returned home she bought something from a smoke shop, I know because she paid with the joint credit card. I haven't confronted her about the purchase or her use of the card, though I've talked to a few people about it and decided to tell her I don't want any drug paraphernalia around my son, acknowledging that I have no real evidence that she is exposing son to that, but have seen enough to be concerning and warrant me speaking up about it. In typical fashion I have "made a decision" yet taken no action.
We are going to a school open house this Friday. Last week we had a respectful phone conversation about school plans for son. I felt very deflated and sad after having such a respectful conversation in which we both expressed our concerns and desires for son's wellbeing. I was thinking "why can't our relationship be like this all the time?"
Conflict continues around me wanting to communicate daily with my son, and W saying son doesn't want to talk to me and is annoyed by me calling. W says I am disrespecting her by making plans with son and not her, that I am not respecting W's wish that I call only once per week. I think she is alienating me from my son and I don't think she should be controlling how I communicate with my son.
My bday is this thursday. Since I am driving down for the open house friday morning, I wanted to come Thursday night and have dinner with son. I asked W to bring son halfway, and I offered to keep son overnight. She initially agreed last night, then sent me a long text this morning changing her mind, talking about how disrespectful I am, my family treats her like trash while hers respects me, she's helped me in the past (she brought up the lockout), I haven't helped her (the meds, the vacation). She says she changed her mind because I talked to son about it before her. I had told him it was my birthday this week and I was excited, and I'd like to have dinner with him on my birthday.
W also emphatically stated that I abused her to the point of her wanting to die.
So W feels disrespected. I think I should validate that (help with wording would be appreciated). I don't want to be alienated from my son, and I don't want W holding the keys to my relationship with him.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
You can't buy MJ with a credit/debit card in CO. Cash only business at dispensaries. Just an FYI. I frequent CO often.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
The trip was to CO and when she returned home she bought something from a smoke shop, I know because she paid with the joint credit card.
How do you know she brought "it" back, or that it was paraphernalia? I mean it could have been a t-shirt or something, who knows. Or even if it was paraphernalia it may have been a gift for someone else.
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I haven't confronted her about the purchase or her use of the card, though I've talked to a few people about it and decided to tell her I don't want any drug paraphernalia around my son, acknowledging that I have no real evidence that she is exposing son to that, but have seen enough to be concerning and warrant me speaking up about it. In typical fashion I have "made a decision" yet taken no action.
I wouldn't take action until you know for sure there's something actionable. I mean if you know she's doing illegal drugs around S then by all means do something about it, but if you're just guessing then I would take a wait-and-see approach.
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We are going to a school open house this Friday. Last week we had a respectful phone conversation about school plans for son. I felt very deflated and sad after having such a respectful conversation in which we both expressed our concerns and desires for son's wellbeing. I was thinking "why can't our relationship be like this all the time?"
Don't be sad when things go well. Michele says to celebrate the 1%. If your WAS is mean and nasty 99% of the time and wonderful 1%, then celebrate the 1% and it will encourage them to make it 2%, then 4% etc.
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She initially agreed last night, then sent me a long text this morning changing her mind, talking about how disrespectful I am, my family treats her like trash while hers respects me, she's helped me in the past (she brought up the lockout), I haven't helped her (the meds, the vacation). She says she changed her mind because I talked to son about it before her. I had told him it was my birthday this week and I was excited, and I'd like to have dinner with him on my birthday.
W also emphatically stated that I abused her to the point of her wanting to die.
So W feels disrespected. I think I should validate that (help with wording would be appreciated). I don't want to be alienated from my son, and I don't want W holding the keys to my relationship with him.
Well if you're looking for advice on validating, then say something like "It sounds like you felt disrepected and abused, I am sorry you have felt that way in the past. I would appreciate it if you allowed me to see S since it is my birthday, and I would be happy to allow you the same on your birthday. I will be disappointed if you don't allow this but it is your decision since it's your time to have him and I will respect your wishes."
