Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Lol....essentially I am paying her to watch my girls during the weeks I dont have them. It comes out to roughly $60/day I am paying. I also have to buy them clothes for my house, food at my house, pay half of after school care, half of summer camps, half of their extracurricular activities. No 1 is giving me any money to do these things. I am doing these things plus paying CS. Just because of the income difference. Oh I get it but smh.
I like wine or bubbly because it's something to be shared. It can mark the special occasion without being too special, but it can be very personal depending on how much someone is an an enthusiast. I dislike V day personally, it's just a hallmark holiday. Shouldn't every day with a partner be a V day at some level?
I get that V Day is a hallmark holiday. I was never big into it myself back when I was married. But I would consider my way of dating and acting similar to the Dr's way of dating so as a female, knowing that V Day is a hallmark holiday, it still feels great to receive something nice... I think Andrews way of thinking is more in line. As she has straight up told Joseph she is old fashioned (AKA - Man pays majority of dates - every 4 to 6 usually, and plans majority of activities, gifts etc as a way of courting) . So maybe chocolate or flowers AND a bottle of wine (only if shes an enthusiast).
Wine or bubbly should be a given any way.
Consider that the Dr. has come from a marriage in which her ex was a jobless disappointment. She's looking for a guy that's opposite. Flowers or chocolate are not a huge cost or investment. They don't indicate exclusivity. More of a nice thought and courtship.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
What the F does that mean??
As long as your kids are living well at her house, her boobs and her bags aren't really of your concern. It becomes your concern when your kids have old clothes, clothes that don't fit, aren't getting their needs met, are being told they can't do basic things because of money.
I hate when people think mothers who receive child support should have nothing nice of their own and should be living bare minimum. What is important is that the kids aren't living bare minimum while the mom is living the good life.
ANd all those things you mention J, clothes at both houses, food, ect, is figured into the figure you pay. You pay to make sure your kids are living good 100% of the time. I have my daughter most of the time receive a little bit of child support and pay for a whole lot more than he does. Having the kid more equals putting out more money for things that are't even figured into the child support. ANd I have nice things because I earn them. My daughter has very nice things in both homes. Child support is what it is. I don't hate that I don't get more because I am the bigger breadwinner. It just is what it is. The day he continues to take his nice vacations and my daughter is deprived of something pretty basic or even nice that she deserves, is the day I will be upset about it.
Im surprised at the response to not send anything. I cant imagine any guy having luck with that.
Here we go, if this is in response to my comment (which I think it is) I said no to sending flowers. I didn't say don't send anything. sheesh.
LH19
Sorry, I kind of consider a card equivalent to nothing. I know it sounds materialistic. But I am being honest about how a lot (not all ) women tend to think at this age.... When your younger - no one has money. So its not as much of a factor. But when your older a lot of women think this way (but might not admit it).
I have a funny feeling, that the Dr. secretly thinks this way. She would never actually come out and say this though. Not that she needs a tennis bracelet or anything. More of the romantic gesture behind it. If she is sleeping with him (she waited 6 dates I believe) She is taking him seriously. Just my 2 cents.
Oh I get the concept G......but there is no way my two girls cost what I am paying. Remember I have 50/50 so I am still on the hook for 1/2 of everything else including the CS. Especially when she gets her new boobs, shows up with her MK purse, coat, etc.
Might as well stop here J, they will never understand.
I'm not sure who "they" is, but I totally get where J is coming from because I have lived his side of it. My XH was in J's situation with his first XW and it used to burn my biscuits that we were paying so much toward the girls' care on top of child support. They ate supper at our house every night because they came to our house every single night after school, whether it was their night to sleep at our house or not. (My XH and the girls' mom also had 50/50 custody, though it was arranged a little differently from J9's). And, because their mother was a lazy, good for nothing, POS, she never kept food in the house so we fed them every single day to make sure that they got a hot meal for dinner before they went to her house. In addition, we paid child support, my X provided all medical insurance and we had to pay 1/2 of all bills not covered under insurance. We bought clothes, school supplies, gave them money for field trips, paid for school activities and all that sort of thing (that were supposed to be split 50/50, but that mom never seemed to have money for). I didn't begrudge spending a dime on the girls. That isn't the point. What I did begrudge was spending all the "regular" money on them in addition to paying nearly $800 a month in child support while their mother ran the roads, going to spend the weekends with her boyfriend (who was married to another woman, so see....she is a real peach) wherever he was working and spending that $800 that should have been spent toward the girls on herself and her skeezy boyfriend. She would drive all over the d@mn country to see him, using the money we were paying in child support and leaving the girls with us to take care of because she "couldn't afford to take them". And, when she started doing that, of course, the time they were spending with us increased because she would leave on Thursday and stay gone until Tuesday and even if she was supposed to have the girls that weekend, she would just go off and leave them with us. Again, I don't begrudge the time with the girls. We enjoyed the extra time with them. What I do begrudge is how she spent child support money on herself. When she decided to marry Mr. Skeez, she basically told the girls they were going to have to move in with us full time because he lived in an RV and there wouldn't be room for them (he travelled a lot for work....long story) and then she had the gall to tell us that we should keep paying her child support even though the girls were going to come stay with us because they never went to court to change the agreement that he was the primary parent instead of her. Bull sh!t!!!!!! I tried to let him take the lead on these matters, but I had to take it on this one. I told her we would love to have the girls live with us, but she was crazier than a bag of hammers if she thought we were going to pay child support to her when the girls lived with us. I told her I would sit my happy a$$ in the child support office until someone changed the paperwork to reflect that the girls lived with us and XH was now the primary parent and if she didn't want to sign off on that, I would take her to court myself to get it straightened out. It was beyond ridiculous. But sadly, I think there are a lot more women out there like that. I make pretty decent money but I can't afford a boob job and MK purses....not that I want those things, but if I did, I would have to scrimp and save for them while women like J9's wife see child support as income enhancer for themselves and it is just sad. Not saying all women are like that because I know plenty of women who have used child support as it was intended....to support the child and I salute those women. So, yes, LH (and J9) some of us DO understand.
I honestly think the whole system is broken. I know I just wrote a lot but I could write pages more on the crap we dealt with and it was just one big cluster f#ck after the other. The system, at least in Arkansas, is definitely set up to favor the mom, whether the mom deserves said favor or not and it is really sad. Y'all know how I feel about my XH....I wouldn't pee on him to put out the fire if he was aflame, but he was/is a GREAT dad and he went way above and beyond what he had to in order to take care of his girls. His witchy XW took advantage every chance she got. Not saying J9's is doing that, just saying I can totally understand where J9's attitude is coming from.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
