We were discussing the holidays and how to split them up. She said our son is always free to go to my family's gatherings and that she hopes to be able to come sometime too. She still thinks this is going to be all roses for her. I never would have believed that other people are as delusional if I hadn't started reading the posts here. Cheaters seem to think that forgiveness isn't even required because they did nothing wrong. What a bunch of assholes.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Yes, cheaters feel justified because -insert flavor of day excuse for allowing OM to use her body anyway he'd like here-.
My favorite is that "in my mind we've been divorced already so this doesn't count as cheating". WHAT? This goes along with the gender issue in society today where one can wake up and "identify as the other gender" and then inherently get all kinds of rights (like going in to the other gender's restroom). It just doesn't make a lot of sense.
Mental beliefs do not make things reality. I can decide I am a bird, but if I jump off a building I won't fly.
But yes, I would have really enjoyed telling her "Sorry, you fired me as your H. Attending my family holiday gatherings is something my W would be privileged to do."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We were discussing the holidays and how to split them up. She said our son is always free to go to my family's gatherings and that she hopes to be able to come sometime too. She still thinks this is going to be all roses for her. I never would have believed that other people are as delusional if I hadn't started reading the posts here. Cheaters seem to think that forgiveness isn't even required because they did nothing wrong. What a bunch of assholes.
R2C should post this in his Quotes thread. RWAlan so true, so true indeed.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
My favorite is that "in my mind we've been divorced already so this doesn't count as cheating".
Seriously. Makes you wonder how many people get a mental D so they can have a quick fling with someone they met at a bar or party, then get remarried the next morning. All without telling their spouse. Some people have probably been divorced 10 or 20 times before BD and never knew it!
We were discussing the holidays and how to split them up. She said our son is always free to go to my family's gatherings and that she hopes to be able to come sometime too. She still thinks this is going to be all roses for her. I never would have believed that other people are as delusional if I hadn't started reading the posts here. Cheaters seem to think that forgiveness isn't even required because they did nothing wrong. What a bunch of assholes.
Dude they will go to no ends trying to find a way to justify it. They will mentally run and exhaust themselves to death. Let them. Stay out of that crazy crap. I've already found that trying to argue that it is still an affair isn't worth the effort.
Originally Posted by Steve85
n my mind we've been divorced already so this doesn't count as cheating
Yes, this is WW/WH gold. I heard this and about 3 other versions. Garbage. Nothing they do wrong is their fault, but rather yours. I just said screw it, you can say that, and I'm not going to keep trying to convince you that you have control over yourself. Good Lord!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Strange to think back to when I wanted to win her back at all costs. Divorce is wrapping up and communication is strictly logistics of dropoffs and pickups. She tried to blackmail me for extra spousal support. My lawyer laughed it off. My kid and I have a lot of fun at my new apartment. I've gone on some dates but didn't feel anything. Too soon. No hurry. It is a real struggle to remember anything good about her or our marriage. I'm just focusing on work and social life and my son. It is actually very manageable.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
Well, the bubble burst. Her boyfriend is gone and she has been committed to a mental health facility. My son is with me. Friends and family are finally admitting that she has been off the rails for quite a while now. All I want is for her to be a good mother to my son. I don't know if I have anything to give to help her recover. Just living day to day again.
Me: 48, Her: 45 Son: 13 Married 15, Together 17 Affair started: 4/1/2018 ILYBINILWY: 6/4/2018 Affair confirmed: 7/15/2018 Detachment started: 7/20/2018 Divorce first seriously discussed: 8/3/2018
"in my mind we've been divorced already so this doesn't count as cheating" this here is priceless. I heard this too. When XW moved out of our house and hadn't even filed for D yet she wanted me to tell the kids that we are done, finito. She said that our kids(at that time 7&10) don't understand the difference between D and separation. Well they did...
Oh and the legendary "nothing's going to change, we're just not together anymore"
And Alan. Eventually it's a good thing she got committed. She'll get help amd hopefully she'll see that she really needs it. Stay strong man! Be the awesome dad you are!
Last edited by petri; 01/11/1904:04 PM.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
