This is the worst part of it. After this is settled and you get her out of the house, things get way easier. Stick to your guns and do not settle for less than you are entitled to receive. If you do you will regret in later.
AS has posted before that he surveyed 13-14 people that he knew who were divorced. He said in all but 1-2 the person who walked away tried to reconcile. I think he said 10 had already moved on and weren't interested. Turns out the grass isn't usually greener.
You will get through this and have a great life if you choose.
Hang in there twofeet, you can get through this. Stay strong!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
AS has posted before that he surveyed 13-14 people that he knew who were divorced. He said in all but 1-2 the person who walked away tried to reconcile. I think he said 10 had already moved on and weren't interested. Turns out the grass isn't usually greener.
This is a crazy statistic and I find it hard to believe. Not saying it's wrong. If anything, it's encouraging. Either way, you get to have what's best -- a reconciled M, or a stronger you.
I'm right behind you on the path. Hoping to see you hold your head up high so I have someone to look up to. But do it for you! You got this, man.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
It is a small sample size. You have to remember that the statistics read about people remarrying don't include the ones where the LBS says they are not interested.
My brother-inlaw remarried his W and then D'd for the second time lol.
One of my good friends parents got back together after be divorced for 38 years.
It's been a helluva day. Unless there is a divine act of God the break my W from the fog this M is OVER! So glad I took the day off. I dropped the kids off at school then went for a run to get out any jitters. Came home cleaned up and dressed real nice then went to the lawyer/mediators office. He started the session off not really pushing it but kept hinting reconciliation. He understood I was vehemently against and she was the opposite. He later did a one on one breakout session. Apparently my wife got the same soft spoken neutral friendly guy, but when it was my turn his mask came off. It had a serious man to man vibe. No soft spoken vibe but a hard edge. "So TF why is she doing this? " Well she hasn't said much to anyone, but what I understand is that she is saying she has been a mom and wife all these years and now that the kids are just starting to become independent she says she needs to find herself. "So she is seeing someone?" Well yes, I don't know if it's a PA, but definitely an EA, but I cant 100% prove it. There have been phone calls and a crazy amount of texting going back and forth. I cant see what's being said I just have phone bills for proof. When I confronted her she freaked out the first time, but eventually told mr his name when she figured out I already knew. Even though she denies it, and says he is just a friend. It fits the bill of an EA, secret friendship, taking to him about our marital affairs and personal life. When there is smoke there is usually fire. "Well TF I ask because from my experience usually when one spouse is pushing so hard for a D almost bullying for it it's been because of an A."
He then kept asking me why I am here. I would tell him and he would act like that wasn't a good enough answer then ask it again. This happened about 5 times before he finally said you don't have to do this and you don't have to be here. Tell her to get a lawyer and you will see her ass in court. He said she can't bully you take your time. I told him mediation was the most amicable and affordable option and we feel it puts the kids best interest at heart. He was satisfied with that and called my wife in. We came up with 2 options. One is a 50/50 asset split and the other moves things around so I could probably keep the house. I think I want to keep the house.
Anyway while he was working on details W started pushing for me to make a decision right then and there do she could start the filing paperwork today. I stuck to my guns and said she is going to have to wait untilI can review and process all this info. She said TF you just need to set me free. Then the lawyer jumped in and said he refuses to start the D paperwork until we both meet with our mortgage brokers, tax accountant, etc. He said no need for a second session, once our ducks are in a row we can come down for 20min at a later date to process paperwork. After the W and I decide to grab lunch and talk over the details. She was as happy as a clam because she had progress and was excited to move forward towards her new life (This talk is offensive to me but oh well.)
Later I go to my folks house to visit my Dad and just get his wisdom on the sitch. By now I am mentally and physically exhausted. In fact the whole thing made me feel physically ill. Dad says don't worry son this is her loss not yours. Let her go, she is going to hit rock bottom. Son I can see you changing as a person every time you come to visit. I bet she hasn't, isn't, or won't change.
At the IC we talk about how it's time to finally let go. Its apparent she isn't coming back and I need to open the cage to free her and move on. Worked on some skills and goals with the IC.
Now when I got home after counseling my wife had turned nutjob. She was yelling at me about how I was just going to bend her over and screw her. I am just a taker that all I have ever done is take. She just needs more cash, I need to give her more cash since she going to walk away from all our stuff or the rest lithis wasn't agreed on in mediation so no idea what she is talking about). She says I dont communicate with her and I have had 2 hours to give her an answer about cash (I barely walked in the door still no idea what she is talking about. She tells more about this and that. I validate, never raise my voice, stay calm. I did mess up once where she told me to leave the girl bedroom I told her this is our house I go where I want. This launched her into a tirade again. I apologized for that one and told her I respect her space. At the end of the verbal barrage she told me this is the last time she puts her walls down no more arguing walls are going up.. I am thinking thank God cause I am not sure I want to see the chaos behind those walls. I do my best to diffuse and stay calm. She calms down and I stay the hell away from her for the rest of the night.
Last edited by Twofeet; 10/04/1804:17 AM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
Don't try to predict the future. Your W throwing fits is no different than any other WW. It sounds like you're doing well and becoming more detached, which means you are acting more like than person you really are and want to be. Good.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You did great man even with the way you handled the lawyer. Do not go into court that's where the lawyers make all the money. Keep the marital home if you can, the kids need the stability. Can you ask your parents for help?
As far as cash, if she wants more cash then she sacrifices more retirement. Absolutely do not give her any concessions.
Word for word my W said the same thing your W said even to the point the kids are self sufficient now. They must teach it in WW 101 lol!
You are handling this like a class act champ. Open the cage door!
I forgot to mention in her tirade last night she complained how it wasn't fair that I kicked her out of the MBR. I told her you know why I kicked you out are you sure you want to go down that road again. She said she wouldn't do something like that (EA) that's not her or who she is. I said I hear what she is saying, and if she would like we can review the facts that lead to that decision. She of course immediately changed topics and went on a rant about something else during her tirade/ 1 way arguement/fit.
Last edited by Twofeet; 10/04/1811:25 AM.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
She is back to all sunshine and rainbows this morning. Like her crazy rantings and hurtful things she said last night didn't happen. She got preapproved for a loan last night so she says she is going to start house shopping and wouldn't mind me helping her. I just listened and told her it would be nice if she stayed on our side of town. No way in hell I am going to help her house shop. Unfortunately, the sooner she is out the sooner I can have some emotional and mental normalcy around here.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
