Need Guidance moving from new comer to MLC,

[Gordie]

Marina

Best wishes with the therapist

Not sure I could do that

[DnJ]

Hello marina7 - Glad to hear kids are starting taekwondo next week. I am sure they will have a lot of fun with it. Are all three taking lessons? Is it just you taking them?

But I also know believe 50% what they say and do. But I also stayed away because I don't want drama. I can't imagine what W has told family but I know W mask is coming off as S10 says he hasn't been
to any family house just OW family.

Good for you. Don’t believe anything they say, and only 50% of what they do.

Interesting what S10 said and how things W say won’t add up. My W for months was telling people how she sees her children often and has very good relationship with them. Sadly I think that is her truth, her version. At that point she has only saw them around five times in four months, it has got worse, currently she has not reach out since S17’s graduation - 10 weeks.

Couple weeks later W said stop calling my family they don't want nothing with you or kids.

I know the truth will come out but I also know that's their daughter and I don't expect them to take my side. Or even hear it.

Try not to worry about what W is telling family and others. I know how hard that is. W has her version of the truth, just let go and let her have it. You’re right, the truth will come out eventually.

I know you see the whole blood is thicker than water thing. However, I wouldn’t necessarily take W at face value about her family not wanting to see you or the children. Unless they tell you directly, I would disregard your W’s warning. Invite Grandma and Grandpa for a meal for something, see what happens. Her uncle misses you guys, probably others do as well.

I am with Gordie, best wishes with therapy. You are so correct, you need to detach and get away from the insanity.

...I know one day I will need someone who will not walk away when times get tough...

You have someone, she looks at you from the mirror. That person you need.

You want someone who will not walk away when times get tough, you do not need them. A person in your life could be removed from it in a moment, without notice. We have already experienced that. Ensure you are clear with need vs want in your mind.

I needed W so bad at first. It took a while to realize I didn’t need her, that “need” was driven by fear. Letting go of fear and need became wanting her around. Indifference keeps the wanting of her in abeyance.

Keep walking your path. You’re really doing really well.

DnJ

[marina7]

Thank you again for amazing words and advice,

I must say being here has help me from not going insane
or thinking I am crazy or losing my marbles.

As many know I have lupus and was doing good
I guess with stress and all I been ill lately.

Lately I been Blah just basically waking up and routine
Yes life feels like wow is this really going be life.

Then I realize is just a set back. I never thought I would be here
mentally or financially. Wondering if we will have a home
While W lives life having it all and treating kids horrible and
GAL or law says we can't control her behavior.

I guess I have felt I have protected my kids for over 9yrs
And now I can't fix there pain they have in there heart from W.

And yes my monkey braining gets the best of me.
In mediation W blaming for her life being miserable
Like wow. And then this weekend I pulled out
Our recorder of holidays and our first son and home.
And W happy telling me you are the best thing that happen to me.
And now I am the worse. Oh boy how can our brain F up our mind
Sometimes.

S9 has had a rough week. Remember he doesn't show emotions
But yesterday he wanted to tell W all about school and activities
And within less than 2min W being with s9 on the phone. W says I gotta
go. I was driving I seen s9 through rearview mirror I will never forget that
look, his hurt his sadness his pain I felt his little heart. I just reached my
right hand over reach his hand he had in his knees and just
gave him a squeeze. And silence and the drive home. But inside
God knows I was dying I wanted to call W and say what can be so
busy to hear our baby boy want to tell you his excitement.
But of course I just prayed.

We pass a church park over and bowed my head in the car. And ask
God for peace and peace for W. And to take my babies pain away.

Is so for us. Many people have family unfortunately I don't I had
a horrible childhood really bad from mentally and sexual abuse
I got away from my blood family to better my life
Over 20yrs ago. So family to me is not blood is about who is there.
I have friends but many of them have stayed out of it and away and
I don't blame them. But times like this I wish my kids had family.
Grandparents. I have my step mom but she lives in Texas and financially we
Can't fly her out or I go over. We facetime my mom alot. So thank God
for that. She has been a great emotional supporter. But times like
this I wish where surrounded by family.

It's just been hard. Bills, not able to work, lawyers fees and
making sure my kids have things they need. God is hard
But I tell myself things could be worse so I know am bless more
than I know.

I guess I ask how much longer of this pain it's been 1yr and 7months and it
seems like nothing, s10 still not home. I feel the court is not taking this
as serious because in this process kids are hurting so much.

D10 lately been very quiet I spoke with her therapist
and it worries me as her mom. I rather d10 be angry or yell
Or cry than being quiet not sure what monkey braining is
going on in her head.

It's been a rough 2 weeks. We need prayers and healing for us.

Thank you guys for letting me vent.

[Kyh]

Hi Marina,

How are you and your trio doing? Keep being there for them and they'll know that they are safe with you. I've found if I can catch my one of my kids alone late (if one of them isn't sleeping) or early they open up quite a bit more.

[marina7]

Kyh,

Thank you.
Not much has happened in this side.
Mediation was a waist we heading to trial as
you know W doesn't want to agree to anything

I lately been back in depressed I feel like
nothing is moving fast enough to keep our
3 kids together in the process
Our kids are breaking and crying.

S9 cries himself to sleep because s10 bed is empty
S9 yesterday just cried and cried mommy I miss s10 he
is my big brother and my best friend.
I replied I know baby I am sorry your hurting so
much. Mommy will get you Trios back together
soon. Just know this mommy is trying. You and
D10 and s10 are the best thing happened in my life. I started
Humming and s9 fell asleep in my arms.

I got in the shower and screamed and cried so much. This pain is hard
My kids are hurting and I can't fix there pain. I can't make there
Heart not hurt. I am inside dying because I can't fix my kids pain.

But I know God has a plan
I will follow his plan

One day at a time
One hour at a time
One second at a time
One minute at a time

And I remind myself
Is ok to not be ok..

[Kyh]

(((Marina))) I'm sorry you're hurting. I wish I had some good advice w/the kids, that's so hard. Keep being there for them and doing your best.

I hope this settles soon, i would have thought the GAL would have made a recommendation for a schedule before the trial. I will be thinking of you and your trio.

[peacetoday]

M

One hour at a time
Try Alanon phone meetings
they are daily at 4pm and 8 pm eastern time

called phone bridge
You can listen
very powerful
The problem may be different but its all the same recovery for us-

Its hard to see our kids in pain-
they take the cue from us

We have to figure out a way to feel and embrace the pain and it hurts and then let go

It gets easier over time and we learn a lot from this crisis

for many of us it may be the hardest thing we ever encounter
We survive and usually for the better-
hang in
Practice breathing and letting go
The kids will be ok
reasure them it is ok

You are doing a more than amazing job-

[OneArt]

Marina,

Your W has a lot of push/pull tendencies and I think it is unlikely she will agree to anything ever. She needs to keep the battle going to stay connected, even if that connection is completely dysfunctional. I know this maddening and stressful when you have children that are apart, money concerns, and health issues. The good thing is though, that you are a tough cookie who has her focus on the kids and can be the rock they need in their lives.

Try to let go of the disappointment of the failed mediation. That is in the past and does not move the ball forward. Don't you have a court date coming up pretty soon on the custody issue? I would focus on moving through the court process as quickly as possible with as neutral feelings about it as possible. Try to depersonalize it (hard I know) and look at it as your job or a necessary step you must take. You are on the right side of the issues and that can make the fight a little easier.

I know the crying in the shower is tough, but you have to do it. The only way to end the pain is to push through it. Remember, this is not about you. None of it is about you. She isn't trying to hurt you. She doesn't know how to behave like a rational human being right now and her depression and her pain prevent her from seeing things as they are.

There was a poster here years ago called Cyrena who posted some great stuff on what her H was going through. They reconciled and he never left the home so she got to see what he went through and she did a lot of research and really understood. She didn't have her own thread (or it got purged) but her posts to others are gems.

[marina7]

Kyh,peacetoday and OneArt

Thank you so much for always you kind words.

As I stated it's been rough. I have lupus for 13yrs
And MS 4yrs ago. I was doing good but now am ill
Doctors thinks is the stress. Which I agree

Yesterday we went to DC4K for the kids
and divorce care for me. I know I can't do this on my
own I am mentally tired and physically.

Well as we all know we start trial next week.
As W didn't agree to any offers I put in table.
Anything I ask for W said no.
The only thing W wants is for me to forget about s10
And for me to move on with life with s9 and d10.

As you know me that will never happen unless
I am not on earth.
Well yelp I got a threat text message yesterday
Basically from a number I don't recognize
Saying trial is soon. You will lose
Everything. We are warning you to back off.

Wow. I froze at first but also laughed it
Like really now threats.
Yes contacted lawyer, GAL and police

I basically told my mom if I die remember who did
It. Please take care of my trio's
My mom cried and in disbelief like shock.
My mom told me to pack up a bag and go into hiding
Until trial. Unfortunately we know the law [censored].
It was a block number they can't point it at W or W friends
But so obvious 1 week before trial I get a threat text.

So there you go. I am not sure what is W. Anymore or
Stage. W has monster and been horrible there where
days I wish W would just push me off the cliff. But
W is simply Satan walking around in W body.
The sad part W is hurting us all.

I read stories of vanishers I wish W would
For our sake. W is like a tornado w can destroy
Everything within a minute.

But I will not let go of the rope as long
My kids are at the other end of the rope.
My hands are bleeding and blisters and skin coming
Off you could see this mom hands bones but I am
Not letting go of that rope as long my trio's are
Holding on with me this mom is to.
A Mother's love and strength.

[Gordie]

Marina

I am so sorry you received that threat

Wow just wow

Please please please

Take care of yourself

And watch your back