Merrick once again you amaze me with your determination. I mean it buddy. You are the man. Divine intervention my a$$, If this marriage gets saved its because sooner or later she is going to pull her head out of this hole she has it stuck in and realize what a great guy she already has. Ok so maybe it will take some devine intervention to pull it out... Really though, you have fought the good fight and although you havnt won yet, you are doing all you can and Im really amazed at your inner strength and will power. In the words of Joe Dirt...Keep on keepin on...God Bless and hope you had a wonderful Fathers day...eddy
I've been pretty busy with not much time on the BB, but I wanted to pop in and tell you how much you stickin it out means to me. There for a while it was sounding like you were ready to throw in the towel. Staying in your home where you belong and being the best man you can be - with God's help - can not be the wrong thing to do. Our Ws don't appreciate it, and even resent that we are suddenly all they could ever want. Just cause they have trouble dealing with our desire to forgive and forge a better R and M doesn't mean we cash in and do what they did - go somewhere else to find what we want. You've proven you can get it (despite some of our recommendations on the BB ). Your determination to keep your place in your family and in your home is encouraging.
Thanks for the note. We probably do cross paths on the train...drop me a note at vze1nfec@verizon.net and maybe we can grab a cup of coffee sometime. In the meantime, I will catch up on your sitch.
Apart from having nothing more to add in my "more of the same life," I've been waiting for this thread to lock out before starting another--and adding more info.
There really is nothing to report other than the same old story.
1) I avoid W; 2) She evenetually pursues to find out how much longer I can continue living this way or launches an attack; 3) I tell her she can leave 4) She accuses me of thinking a nanny is better for our children than her mother. 5) I tell her that's not what I said 6) She says she'll go to C to see if it works, but then says it's impossible to reconcile and then quesitons my sanity if I really think a C could help...and on and on and on. 7) We disagree on the impacts of D or Sep on the kids versus our current sitch with her sleeping on the couch; 8) She says the best option is for me to leave because she can't stand the pressure of living in the same house with me; she buys me books on the Happy Divorce! 9) I say a another option is for her to live nearby with her parents and come to the house during the day. This is better financially and eliminates the need for a nanny. 10) She says this is not an option. 11) I say fine--I'll continue to take one day at a time.
For those who say I should separate and leave, please understand that a six-month arrangement (which is the minimum my W has "insisted" upon) that preserves my minimal legal rights in a D would cost between $25,000 to $35,000 in leghal and living expenses. Given that we'll be away from each other for four weeks in the summer and my spiritual journey in the Catholic Church continues to grow, I'll take my chances at home.
Btw, all three of my kids received near perfect report cards!
In a few weeks when W is away, I may pop back on again and visit some others. Until then, y'all be good.
Merrick, Since she is buying you books about the happy divorce you should get her "the case against divorce" I would give it to my H but I think he would hit me over the head with it.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
I also suggest to give your W the DR to read, since she bought you "Happy Divorce". Told her to read with open mind.
I try many times to ask my W to read DR. But she refused. Nothing I can do about it. Today we will have a talk. She will tell me her decision whether to stay and work on our M or to move out. My worry is if she wants to stay but continue the current situation. Soon or later I will give up.
Merrick, are we continuing to DB? (I mean "we" genuinely, as I'm in a similar sitch)
Are we still looking for what doesn't work, and applying 180 actions? Are we trying anything different? *(Those are the only two that come to mind . I left my notebook and DR book at home) Maybe a little obvious I've got some DB work to do.
My point is, DBing isn't a program you graduate from, it's a process you apply over and over, and eventually your S gets caught up in the process and you both begin to care about each other.
But before you can care about someone else, you have to be able to care for yourself. Basic principle of Seven Habits - Independence comes before Interdependence.
Granted, keeping on serious DBing is hard, depressing work when we really need some positive support from our Ws, but instead we get the opposite.
You've found the answer - a personal relationship with God, through Jesus Christ his son. There is no limit to His wellspring of support and love, just our self imposed limits and beliefs.
Keep on takin' one day at a time, Matthew 6:34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
Hello Merrick. Just wanted to send you some ((((((((()))))))) and let you know I was thinking of you. As another person that has found more reasons to turn to God, I wanted to tell you that HE has the answers (you know that). He is giving us the strength to continue and the reason for the battle in our S's. We are a rock for the R and for the S, we just don't know why we are here doing this. So, continue to follow, let the Lord lead. From where I sit, if your W hasn't followed up w/papers yet, then that is a good sign that God is working w/us.
Keep on hangin........Take care.........Tootles............
My grandmother died last week and W told me that since I would not move out, I was "choosing" to make her file for D because she has no other options. W said she was hoping to avoid the nastiness and cost of such a proceeding and wanted to know the exactr reasons why I didn't want a divorce so that she could "help me" avoid this fight. I said it was the full package, personal beliefs, desire for an R with my wife, despite the past (pressure--I know), finances, and the children. W has a hard time seeing the cumulative impact of all factors and wanted to focus on resolving an isolated issue or two.
I won't bothert to spell out my poor DBing efforts in response to her latest efforts; suffice it to say that we are in the same deadlock and W has a personal counselor helping her be comfortable with her decision.
So, I guess I'll just wait for the other shoe to drop on the divorce filing and let the lawyers become rich!
Note to Betsey: I'm the opposite of your H to my wife. While you keep wondering when H will finally commit, my W keeps waiting for me to finally give up. What a life! Oh well, keep on thinking one day at a time.
((((((Merrick))))))))))) seems like quite a few of us are in a "deadlock" right now. Neither side willing to make a move. What exactly is happening with those planets in the sky? (Betsey usually has some good insight on this ) Take care. Tootles.............
Really though, you have fought the good fight and although you havnt won yet, you are doing all you can and Im really amazed at your inner strength and will power. In the words of Joe Dirt...Keep on keepin on...God Bless and hope you had a wonderful Fathers day...eddy 
). 
. I left my notebook and DR book at home) 
Maybe a little obvious I've got some DB work to do. 
