The reason WAWs and WWs don't think it's bad for the kids, or even think it's better for them, is because they've been struggling with this for a long time. They've gone to grips with it in their own mind. Trying to use the kids and what's better for them is a cheeseless tunnel. The WW only cares what she perceives is better for her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The reason WAWs and WWs don't think it's bad for the kids, or even think it's better for them, is because they've been struggling with this for a long time. They've gone to grips with it in their own mind. Trying to use the kids and what's better for them is a cheeseless tunnel. The WW only cares what she perceives is better for her.
This. Its really true that they feel they have done so much for their families, and now its time for them and their happiness. Other than that, they truly have blinders on.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Yep, Monday is here and almost gone. Another week ahead. Nothing has really happened for a couple days which is a good thing. I notice I've noticed I am way more focused at work the last couple of weeks which is good. My D15 did go hangout with the W. I told her it would be good for her to do things with her mom. D is a very smart girl. She told me that she doesn't mind hanging out with her mom, but she is different now. She also says that she doesn't trust her...so sad for me to hear this.
As for me, I'm just plugging away. I don't want to reach out in any way at all. I keep thinking I need to do something, some sort of contact. My heart and my mind are confused. As fall approaches, its weird that I went the whole summer without my W. School is starting and now we will see how it goes with the schedule with kids.
I now think to myself how ridiculous this has been and it blows me away that this is still happening. It does give me comfort that the OM has been trying to break away from my W. But is [censored] that she is still in la la land pursuing this guy. When will the chemicals get back to normal. Its like she got struck with it very very hard. Alot of people have told me that when it hits it will hit her like a ton of bricks. I try and try not to think about her trip planned next month to Cali. I know I need not to think about it, but I hope it falls through. Why would a guy want to go on a trip with someone he doesn't want to be with. Then again, here I go trying to mind read. LOL right Vapo?
Positive side of things. I am staying strong. Staying busy and avoiding any kind of contact with W. During the day I actually starting getting a little mad about the whole thing and how stupid it really is. But its serious because of 4 kids and I truly want it to come around right now. I guess thats why I am here is to bust this thing. But if not..I can move on with or with out her. I just want the last say.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
Hello everyone, Well not much has happened the last couple days. The W did call to discuss scheduling with the kids since school is back in session. It was about a 7 min conversation that I was pleasant and didn't bring anything up accept the I told her the pictures she posted of the kids looked good. I ended the phone call. She sounded good and just seemed normal. So I tried to just sound normal myself. My thoughts are to just keep working on myself and let the man upstairs work on the WW. I keep thinking about this 4 day trip she is taking in Sept and it creates that knot in my stomach. It makes me feel like it will be totally over between us, like she went to far. I hate that she is still hung up on this OM that supposedly wants out. She insists that there is nothing going between them as far as a R. She tells everyone they are just really good friends. Yeah right.
She has been very good with the kids. Im hoping that since school has started she will slow down. I also wonder, does she even think about our history together? I think Face Book is good for bringing up a lot of good memories. Oh well, I guess I will just keep after it for now. Still no papers, not sure why shes holding up on that. As days go by, I can feel its fading. Still have urges to try to work on it with her but know that will have to be up to her. So I will just keep going. I'm running out of time. Got to go.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
L - I can tell you from my experience that you and your W will get divorced and if you two are to recon in the future it will be after both of you have been with other people. My XW moved out 3 weeks after BD and never looked back. If they do this while having young children at home you better believe that they have clearly thought this out and are ok with the consequences. I was in limbo for 8 months and chances are you won't get the papers until she is 100% sure that she has a landing pad with someone. Looking back on my sitch that is the reason why my XW drug it out so long because she was dating from the moment she moved out.
Focus on healing yourself and being the best father you can be. There is nothing you can do for her.
Today has been better than yesterday. However, I keep wanting to reach out to my W. I know its the wrong thing to do. Now that school has started and kids are in school all day, I used to just call and check up on my wife during the day out of habit. I keep thinking she will start coming around soon because of the different activities the kids would do etc. This is very very hard to do. I am trying so so hard to detach. Just when you think you're doing great, the thoughts of how it used to be or what should be start creeping in and it gets depressing. I guess more than anything, Im very disappointed and totally discouraged at the whole sitch. Its tough being 47 with 4 kids and the family broken up over some MLC or whatever its called. I see where some other threads, guys are still talking back and forth with their W on a daily basis. I don't know if its better I don't talk or see my W that often. I will go days with out physically seeing her and usually 2-3 days no contact but by text. The person I loved for so long has absolutely no interest in me and it bothers me soo bad sometimes. I never thought I could be so emotionally destroyed. I have been very very strong for my kids and people around me. The only time I show my weakness is when I am venting on here. So I thank you all for helping me through this. I just want some peace of mind and find some joy in my life again soon. I have family flying in this weekend and I am going to go see them. I really wish I didn't see my W calendar that shows her leaving for 5 days with someone. That's longer vacation than we ever took by ourselves because we have children. It makes me so angry that she would do this to our family. So disappointing. Not sure how I will handle that week.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
First 1.5 years of my sitch Focused all my time on WAW Snooped and investigated and accused and was a freak even followed Whined Begged Moped Pleaded Cried Got mad Felt Sorry for Myself Talked about her 24/7/365 Became such a mope even my friends didn't want to be around me
After my Awakening aka Get Busy Living Mode Got a Tattoo Sleeve Grew a Beard Grew my hair long Learned to Surf Learned to Scuba Got Shredded Ran a Marathon Did a Gladiator run Climbed a Mountain (now have climbed many) Disappeared (to her) to Central America and South America to Fish on the Amazon for 10 days Bought a Harley Wrecked the Harley (never mentioned it to her) she saw the stitches on my face asked what happen (A. living my best life) Disappeared to Mexico for a Week Went to Asia alone (really cool) Bought a Jeep Took Kids on Dream Vacay Learned Jiu Jitsu Bedded Beautiful Women of many different nationalities (when the time was right) Really too much to even remember
Now you are a Man, but ask yourself, which version are you more attracted to???
Brothers please I beg you just get busy living and the rest will fall into place.
Last edited by endofit; 08/30/1810:13 PM.
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
endofit I like your post a lot. I think about that side of life alot but then I get sucked back in way too easy. I just want the chance to accept and work on it or decline. My pride has been damaged. Ive been trying like hell to get my self esteem back up just enough to get going again. I did go test drive a Jeep Rubicon the other day that made me feel bad a$$. It just succs knowing that my W has feeling for some douche etc. Its ridiculous that I am so sideways about it. I really really want to get past it all. I think about it way too much and cant turn that switch off. Last week was great and now I feel like I did a month in. I just want to fast forward. I've definitely come along ways from May. Thanks for the post. Every bit helps when its still kinda new.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
1. Befriend married woman 2. Allow her vent and discuss relationship issues 3. Exploit information gathered in #2 to manipulate her emotions ("Oh my I would never do that to you") 4. Make your move 5. Have the Husband come unraveled (justifiably) 6. Exploit the #5 to further your knight in shining armor image 7. Other man gets his act together, and inevitably the reality of what you are comes shining through to married woman 8. Tell her its not working out because you can't handle real relationships because you are not a real man 9. Leave the mess you made behind 10. Repeat Step 1 with new victim
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
