Right now you and the kids are still adjusting and grieving
You will get moments of peace for a while in between the pain- Then its over.
The LBS spouse lets go..The LBS moves on sometimes in new R sometimes alone- up to us and what we want The MLCer continues spinning, some for quite a while-
So when you are really done you will let go In the mean time Therapy, hobbies, exercise, church, support groups coda/alanon/some kind of meetings (these are phone and online also) if you cant get out and they are all day long at different times meditation, planning fun activities for kids and alone, make new friends ect.. watch fun movies distract yourself..listen to positive speakers on u tube Joel Olsteen, Inky Johnson, Les brown, Anthony Robbins,
The LBS always seem to get to the other side- you will too
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, Thank you, will look up those other support groups. I am tired, literally it's been over a year more emotionally tired There's days W makes me tired. Like Wtf take care of our kids when they with you.
Just tired and frustrated today.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
What a busy day. S10,d10 are 5th grader and s9 4th grader. Another year W missed out on amazing kids.
Well called s10 we talk and laugh. Of course siblings talk with s10 They are laughing while talking s9 says can we talk to mom W gets on like nothing. Conversation I hear because I am in the kitchen I try to not pay attention but conversation went something like this.
S9 is mom there S10 yeah wanna say hi S9 yes D10 quite W hey guys who is this D10 ummm your daughter S9 your son W hey how was your day. S9 good first day of school W I know your teacher name starts with a Ke... S9 No starts with G.... W oh I must of confused it with d10 D10 ummm no mine starts with S W well anyways remember get better grades than last year D10 I was an honor all year highest honor for the whole school. W well try to get better grades D10 didn't you hear me. I was honor roles W yes then get better be better listen sit in the front blah blah. D10 breaks down crying Why Why is nothing good enough and runs to room S9 hangs up M what's going on S9 mom nothing we do is good enough W calls back Hello M hello, W what happen M you tell me W I just said get better grades M W our d was honor roles our d trying so hard to please you just encourage her W Put d on phone M I sit phone down and told D listen to mom what she gotta say W you misunderstood me. I said get better grades and you didn't have to cry D I am trying I can't get better than A.... W you didn't have to cry D I do have feelings you hurt my feelings why do you act this way. I am sorry I don't wanna talk with you now. I love you by mom. Hangs up. D runs to me and just hugs me tight and crying M I am sorry you all have to go through this, but remember you make me so so proud I have 3 amazing kids. So remember nothing you do. Mommy just needs to figure things out. D it hurts so bad M I know I am here. Lots of hugs and kisses
Now this was interesting W was never good enough for MIL W is 38 and still trying to Please MIL. Her conversation with D I bet it was same with W mom. Smh
Taking a walk sometimes I feel sad for W but when W hurts my kids I can't see W past.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
marina7 - I am sorry about the latest conversation between W and kids. It is sad to see the kids get upset. As more and more time goes by W gets more and more out of touch with their lives. The kids know this, they can see it, and they will call her on it.
I think you are doing exactly what you should - Love your children, hug them lots, keep encouraging them, let them know this is not their fault, and try to help them see that W is probably doing the best she can.
You are giving them a good understanding on which to build acceptance and coping skills for what is going on in their lives.
Keep being a good role model, they are watching, and they will make it.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
W doesn't and has not said a word to me at drop off or pick up. Just the shark eyes. I guess she back at to who she was at BD.
I been trying to do self care is hard when young children involved. I went to a Snowflake mind and spiritual healing felt great.
Then me and my bff went to a bar where mobsters lived and hidden body lol nice spot and the history We talk and laugh. My bf says so proud of your progress.
Well everyone wish me luck and keep me in ya prayers if anyone does here. Mediation on Friday.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
I’m glad you found some time for yourself at the retreat. I’ve been wondering about your situation and will be thinking of you and your trio this week. I know how hard the wait is, stay positive!!
Kyh, Well court was rescheduled due to GAL needed more time
Finally Mediation in GAL with W. I been worrying about W behavior there's day I wonder if she rather me ve dead.
Well only God knows what he has plan.
W lately very standoffish. No eye contact and her behavior is back to what it was on bd.
Very crazy, W talks with kids less than 2min Hi and bye is like pulling teeth for W to speak with s9 and d10
D10 knows and sees W bs and times her. D10 watches the time and says yelp less than 2min. It sad to see d10 angry but I think d10 is more hurt.
S9 is in lalala land. S9 says ok bye. D10 needs more approval looking for W it's sad.
W sounds depressed this is the part I will never get. MLC at bd I am unhappy, I need to find myself but they seem miserable.
Well mentally preparing myself for mediation and praying things go well for our Trio's my focus is on them. At this moment I have let go of W. I must put Myself and kids first, W needs to find herself but W must admit to needing help Which I will never see W doing.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Mediation for W and I. I role played with my therapist,therapist pretended to be W to prepare me for Friday. Oh wow I am an emotional wreck. I have anxiety. I quickly put head down down whe n therapist yeld like W would. My therapist is so shock how much PTSD I have. Basically mental and verbal abuse.
D10 has been having break down pushing herself already in school. D10 said to me after I responded getting a B in exam is not bad. D10 said mom that is unacceptable other mom doesn't accept nothing but A...
I of course listen to D10 and then said listen d10 you are beautiful, smart and AMAZING remember Do this for you d10. Get A in report cards for you. All this is for you because this momma right here is proud to call you my daughter my little princess. I am the lucky one. D10 smiled and hig me and said only you can make me feel better.
And when things settle it hits me. W has really did a number on us. W has mentally broken me and kids. W still talks down to us. W demands and yells. In the process W going through her MLC W has broken us.
I am tired I am exhausted. I am praying that W one day will wake up from this. Because this is taking a toll on my d10. My d10 is pushing herself for her mom to notice her. In reality W is to deep in that hole..
One day at a time One minute at a time One second at a time Just breathe
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Something that helped me with the anxiety and racing thoughts when I was waiting for the GAL’s decision was to visualize things going in my favor. Maybe try to envision your mediation going how you want it to go, if your afraid your w will monster visualize how you will calmly respond and steer it where you want etc.
Im sorry about what she is doing to d w/grades. Your doing a good job being a rock for your kids keep it up!
The role playing with therapist had a great outcome - much better to see all that anxiety before mediation. Now you know, now you can prepare, knowledge really is power.
I do agree with Kyh, visualization is a powerful tool. Both positive and negative, so be careful. We all tend to focus on what might happen, what could go wrong, that sort of thing, we don’t focus much on what might happen on the positive side of all this. Try not to get lost in the doom and gloom.
Yes prepare on what might happen, when and if W monsters. You cannot stop or control W getting angry, let it go. Focus on your response (not reaction) to her. As Kyh said, remain calm and steer thing where you need them to go.
Make it through the meeting, you can breakdown and cry later when you get home. You might just find that you don’t need to as much as you are imagining.
I would like to speak about D10 a bit. From what I read she is a smart driven girl. She is pushing herself for good grades, I think you see she doesn’t need more pushing. She is looking for approval from other Mom, to be noticed.
You are the safe and sane parent, you need to provide the noticing, approval, and guidance D10, S10, and S9 require.
Whenever kids reach out to you, whatever it is, that is the most important thing in their life at that moment. They are pretty good in asking for what they need emotionally, we just need to listen.
D10 is wanting other Mom’s approval, not much you do to make that happen. Focus on what you can do, praise her, notice her.
You are doing really good.
Best of luck in upcoming meeting.
(((marina7)))
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
