I'm with ginger. She typically gives really good advice. She's just terrible at following her own advice. but seriously, I don't get this either. Why on earth would you have to tell flower shop girl, or anyone that you've gone out on a date? Why would they need to know nor care? Why would you not ask out any of the other women?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
LOL. I'm in the middle of having a tattoo on my arm removed. A "true love knot" that I custom designed about 8 years ago when I thought that forever was a real thing. Lots of money, a fair amount of pain and it will probably be a year before it's all gone from my first session last winter. I don't think I could sit still for one of those on my butt
The other issue with having names tattooed on my @ss is that you need 2 mirrors to check the spelling.
I did have to actually look up the Dirk Diggler reference and I seem to be lacking quite a number of qualifications for the role so I'll pass and continue to be plain old boring and reliable AndrewP. I did actually work in the porn industry in the 1990s - not as an actor though A retail chain was a client of mine. Demographics played a huge factor in the analysis we did. And no - this has no specific line on my CV. Many people aren't open minded. They did pay their bills on time - a big factor as a free-lancer with a young family.
Also my French is limited to talking about mining, food, beer and "ou est les toilette". Not the sexiest of conversations even if I fake up the accent.
You all are correct in that there really is no reason to "manage expectations" of the other women in my life. No - I'm not going to be asking them out at present. I only have so much "band-width" available and have lots going on beyond dating. Telling them could also muddy waters that are best left clear.
I did hear from CL this morning. She and her kids will probably be coming back home this weekend. We'll see if she's interested in getting together early in the week when I'm in visiting the plant close to her - although she may well be tired and have a lot going on herself. She had been pretty keen on spending time with me before her trip - 2 dates in 3 days. She knows my schedule. I just think she's not the chatting by text kinda gal and don't have the impression at all that I'm being friend-zoned but do know that I'm not in the "boyfriend" zone. Perhaps twilight zone - I'll ask this nice man in a dark suit after he finishes his monologue.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I guess that means I should also not tell him that he should ask out flower shop girl.....
I do worry sometimes that you'll just call the shop and tell her to ask me I understand that you are pretty good at detective work.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Andrew, i' m on your side.. I had started a thread here and felt like i did not belong amoung other posters.
There is nothing wrong with being conservative nor is there anything wrong with exploring other avenues. To me, it is more about how we personally feel . One way or the other, we need to be clear with the other party on what we are looking for.
I' m old fashion and multi-dates ain' t for me nor do i want to be entangled in such thing. To me, multi-dates is like keeping your options open for someone or something better.. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS something or someone better. In my opinion, it is a recipe for desaster. Once the glitter fall, what will happen then?
I am a strong beleiver of monogamous relationship. Well being and comfort, for both parties.
Stay true to yourself. It is one of the thing i admire in you!
It's nice to be appreciated as an old fashioned guy. I think you've hit the nail on the head as far as my own attitudes.
I like your words - well being and comfort. That is exactly what I hope for in my future. I'm doing pretty well on my own but could do better if it were a shared experience.
We had a fabulous thunderstorm last night with strong lightning right over the house and heavy rain. I hope some of the rain has made it your way to help reduce the fire risk.
I rarely think about my ex much although I did have a piece of the asiago cheese last night as a snack. The storm brought her to mind this morning. I used to say that she when she left that she left a hole shaped like her in my soul. Looking around the kitchen of what used to be the marital home and thinking about her this morning she has no place here. There is no empty place. Not her shape, nor that of another. At least not today.
I did think this morning on "what if" she reached out. The feelings that I had of duty towards her are gone. The fears I had early this year of not being able to resist if she asked for a rescue are gone.
CaliGuy's visit to his thread yesterday got me thinking that it is sad at least looking at it from the outside how their lives have turned out. We, the LBS are thriving being out from their shadow. They appear to keep hunting for the elusive "happiness" that tore them away from us in the first pace and keep not finding it. Pretty much all of the feelings I once had are largely gone. The love and devotion certainly. The fear of being alone. The anger, almost gone. I feel sad for her, living a life that appears to be quite shallow that doesn't have the security and stability that she once had. SIL1 has speculated that it's only a matter of time before OM moves on or that she herself gives up on him as her rescuer. SIL1 did speculate that my ex is grooming another man who seems to be attaching himself to her social media. Dunno - not my circus.
There was a country music song (yep - he's a redneck) on this morning that included the phrase "pay back selfie". I know of people who've done that. I have no urge to do anything like that. I have no idea if S24 has mentioned anything to his mother or not but somehow I think not. From what I understand it is a gut punch to a "wayward" when the BS finds someone new but I have no desire to hurt her, nor to protect her from hurt. I expect that some time in the next year that I'll be identified in association with a lovely lady. My nephew's stag and doe at the end of October is a likely time assuming that CL is still interested in going.
I was always very proud of my ex and was happy to be associated as her Mr. I would also be proud to be associated with any of the women I've mentioned. Not because they are young, beautiful and accomplished, each in their own unique way. But because they are truly nice people. And certainly not as a "pay-back" for the pain that I had to endure.
Well - time to check my work emails, shower and head off for my day. The rain has stopped for now and while there is no rainbow, the sun shows that there is a clear sky above the clouds.
Have a wonderful weekend all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Andrew, I'm worried about your eagerness to be in a relationship with CL. You're doing most/all of the heavy lifting. She's not even ready for a relationship. I think this is why others are encouraging you to seek out other women. I agree with those who said there is no reason to tell any of them that you went on a date with someone. I don't understand why you would do that? It would make sense if you were going on dates with them and now entering a relationship with CL, but neither is the case.
Is there a reason you're chasing CL? Even though you know she's not ready for a relationship... she's not even divorced yet! You're making future plans with her and it sounds like you think you'll be with her a year from now.... slow down!!!
Why not go on dates with ladies who are showing you they are interested and available? Even if they don't turn into relationships, they will be experiences that are good to have in life. Ask the ice cream lady to do something else. And ask the flower shop lady out somewhere too! Why not?
I'm glad dream brought this up (again) as I'm seeing the very same things. You are very infatuated with CL - or perhaps with anyone to be your first post D romance. You want to tell everyone - "I went on a date" or "I may have a GF". It's understandable to be sure, but is it good for you? And when i say good for you I mean in all sorts of ways. For one, you are going to scare CL off. But as dream points out, again, she's still married. You've not even kissed this woman yet! Yet you are planning revenge selfies with her.
Again, this is all very natural. It's just not always healthy for the individual feeling and doing it. The problem is, it's really hard to stop this internal dialog, I get that. That's why the best way is to not close the door on others. Just any way possible, I join in with dream - SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
but seriously, I don't get this either. Why on earth would you have to tell flower shop girl, or anyone that you've gone out on a date? Why would they need to know nor care? Why would you not ask out any of the other women?
A retail chain was a client of mine. Demographics played a huge factor in the analysis we did. And no - this has no specific line on my CV. Many people aren't open minded. They did pay their bills on time - a big factor as a free-lancer with a young family.