This whole thing continues to be a fascinating read. You've now clearly spent far more time trying to analyze it all than you did together! Who in the hell knows what might be going on with her. From what I see this whole thing screams of two people flying by the seat of their pants than anything that might resemble even the possibility of a future stable, grounded R of any type.
You met on an OLD app Saturday morning. Until this point neither had any clue the other existed. You both evidently felt some sort of strong connection that had you meeting for less than an hour later that very same day. Just this right here has red flags for me and sounds more like a Tinder hook up than anything. But still, not all that alarming to not meet again - which you did somewhere around 18 hours later for brunch. She then had you, this nearly complete stranger that for all she knows could be an ax murderer, come to her house and she gets in a vehicle with you and goes wherever you might take her. Since you're not an ax murderer you take her to brunch as you said where the both of you talk about your future together. OMG you can't make this stuff up. Lol. You then return her to her house where she invites you inside and makes out with you in her kitchen. You get the sence you could have done her on the kitchen table right there - about 28 hours after first even meeting her online but because you somehow already talked about this you did not. She then takes her OLD profile down, doesn't really talk with you but at least does respond and you then spend the next four days obsessing over all of this.
Do I have that all correct? Did I leave anything out? And then most importantly does this entire story sound batshit crazy to you in any way? What kind if quality woman does all of this? Just what do you think you are missing out on here? If SHE were on the board here we'd be telling her not to get in cars with men she hardly knows, don't get hyper sexual in the kitchen with him so soon and for god sake don't be discussing your future together so soon.
To you I continue to say you don't know ANYTHING about this girl other than she sounds rather impulsive and flakey. She seems rather desperate to find someone and spends about two seconds thinking about her next move. And this is then someone any of us can figure out?
When I put it this way dies it change anything for you?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
' M pulls up a seat with a big bag of buttered popcorn sprinkled with smarties and turns the channel to The OLD Channel to watch today's episode - How to almost do it on the kitchen table and then get Caspered. Episode to be followed by a panel discussion by OLD veterans on how to seal the deal, or not, or maybe. Young M who is hoping to get into the OLD universe is about to learn what he's getting into.'
' M pulls up a seat with a big bag of buttered popcorn sprinkled with smarties and turns the channel to The OLD Channel to watch today's episode - How to almost do it on the kitchen table and then get Caspered. Episode to be followed by a panel discussion by OLD veterans on how to seal the deal, or not, or maybe. Young M who is hoping to get into the OLD universe is about to learn what he's getting into.'
This had me rolling!!!
OK, so I was thinking about all of this dating and OLD dating stuff last night and really, let me lay it out there. It only took me like a million years to realize this, but I have had the most OLD experience really in the past 6 months of my life and this is what I really came to find out and speaks to what Don said.
We do not know these people at all. We cannot possibly know them from some text exchanges. Or a dinner. Or a make out session. They may present themselves as normal with potential, but we need to know that we do not know them at all yet. Therefore expectations should be at zero for atlease 6-7 dates, and it really does need to advance slowly. Because we are really only getting to know these people.
Here are some guy I thought I hit it off with and presented themselves perfectly, only for them to do some unexplainable things.
I was talking to a guy for a while. Seemed great. There was always a reason why we couldn't meet though. He was a real guy. I found him in my searches of social media. But for whatever reason, there was always a reason why we couldn't meet. Then he ghosted me when I said something.
Hatchet guy. Great first date, making out, speaking of our next date. Some texts 2 days later, and then, ghosted.
Plumber guy. Turned out to be a total perv.
Band Guy- well, you know how that story went.
We don't know these people. At all. It is different then dating a friend of a friend, or someone we work with, or got to know first one way or another. People are flaky and we go into this OLD knowing absolutely nothing about them. From one or 2 dates. Or maybe even a month or two, stuff begins to come out about their personalities, lives, habits, issues, ect.
I really see this whole "taking it slow" thing in a new light.
Now, J- if you want to have sex with her, go right ahead. She seems on board. But I would go into it assuming she is having sex with others and no relationship is going to come out of this.
It will just be sex. And I would make sure it is safe sex.
I understand how you feel, Last friday I got the number of this gorgeous 21 yr old who I had been conversing with... She finally gave me the signs that she was interested i.e. touching my arms, looking at my lips and such. So I call her on sunday, no answer, no response. I call her on tuesday, no answer and no response so I am like ok, guess she isnt interested, which i understand and have no issue with. but why waste my time with giving me her number, I will see her again, but I wont bring it up. I will just move on and not let it affect me.
Rex!!! You are a 42 year old man and father, and she is a 21 year old girl! She's 21! She's still probably all about getting different guy's attention. Flirting is probably like a game for her.
You really can't have expectations of someone 21 years younger than you who was just legally allowed to go to a bar.....
Find some age appropriate women who are a similar place in their lives as you, and I think you will have better luck.
People are flaky and we go into this OLD knowing absolutely nothing about them. From one or 2 dates. Or maybe even a month or two, stuff begins to come out about their personalities, lives, habits, issues, etc.
I have read that people can hide who they truly are for up to 90 days before their true self starts to shine through.
L - What are your thoughts? Straight no contact or try reaching out again 1 more time?
G - I don't want this to dominate the boards again but I agree about really not knowing someone. Her words are definitely not lining up with her actions. I assume I could have had sex with her but maybe not. Again I didn't push hard because of our conversation leading up to her inviting me in. I won't make that mistake next time.
Obviously she has wanted to cool things way down but who knows the reason why. It definitely could be because of other dudes or other reasons as well. As you indicated I don't really know this person, I just took her for face value. Since I don't know her I don't know her motives either.
I do know that she initiated contact with me on Saturday morning and we agreed to meet later that afternoon. I very easily could have been a dud date and someone she wasn't attracted to but that wasn't the case. As you know it is a dice roll with OLD. She does have 2 kids and has them all week and her husband has them every other weekend. She told me she has been divorced for 2 years and she was in a 1 yr R with a older man that ended in June. She said there were a couple of other dates she had a 1 dater and then one that was 3 dates long and then she found out the guys had issues. Her daughter actually goes to the same school that my XW teaches at and we live 3 minutes from each other.
I probably should not have reached out on Monday and just played it cool for a few days but I was riding the momentum of the weekend. While yes she responded to me in a very timely manner she has not initiated any conversation since so my hunch about how I felt about the way she responded seems to be accurate. As you know if she really wanted to talk she had had plenty of opportunity to engage.
I had a great workout this morning and am looking forward to my oldest daughters first soccer game of the season tomorrow. Whatever happens with this happens.
Sounds like OLD gets stupid and boring real fast. Anyone try their luck in real life? I am trying to see if it might just be better to figure out how to do this like it was done back in the day instead of spending time on some app. From everyone that I've talked to, most of the dating apps are great for hook ups. Nothing wrong with that, but relationships are still hard as f$ck to figure out.
Maika, back in the day, we used to be more social. Go out more, meet friends of friends, when we were younger, it was people we met at college, high school, ect. Friends hooked us up with friends, we met people at bars, concerts, all of that stuff. A guy wasn't afraid to ask a girl out he was interested in. Girls used to not think guys were creeps for asking them out.
I had a total hottie flirt with me at a traffic light yesterday. Wish there was a way we could have exchanged numbers, I would have entertained a coffee or a drink!
Anyways, I won't beat this topic to death either. But I will tell you, Maika, smarties in your popcorn? I prefer to sprinkle my popcorn with raisinettes.
Glad you had a good workout. My new cross fit activity has been a game changer for me. Every muscle in my body hurts, but endorphins are a real thing. Good luck to your D in soccer! We have begun the cheerleading season. Woohoo. (sarcasm there).
School will be upon us, we will all be so dam busy soon. I think it will be good for everyone!
