Moving On To The Bright Side 4

[TBSakaJ9]

RX - I thought the same thing....Looking back I should have pressed the issue, I didn't based on our conversation leading up to being alone. That is my plan, I will not be contacting her and see what happens. I don't think she is done though because if she was she would have ghosted me on Monday or she would have told me she was moving on.

The connection was obvious and I am moving on to other ladies. She took her profile down so that has me a little puzzled.

G - I would say if you are interested in a guy you will have to pursue a little. If you have a great date, send him a note after....something that lets him know you are open for another.

[LH19]

Sorry, but I have a question to all the guys here.

IMO it is the man's job as the leader to pursue in the beginning and make dates until the woman feels safe and comfortable enough to reach out to him. Then when she reaches out to him, he can set another date and rinse, recycle repeat until they are in a relationship.

The important thing is to look at contacting someone as a game of tennis. You reach out to them (hit the ball over the net) you wait until they contact you back (hit the ball over the net). If they do not hit the ball over the net then the game is over.

[neffer]

Hey J9 and G, you are not in a hurry. Relax. Life is the marathon at the end...

Sending you both a big hug

[kml]

I must have missed something, I don't see what the big deal here is. She told you she was busy at work (and she has a busy responsible job) and based on that you decided she wasn't interested?

Did it occur to you she might have taken her profile down because she saw you as a promising prospect and didn't want to be bothered by a bunch of other men contacting her while she was seeing where things would go with you?

I have a very busy job and sometimes work long hours. I'm not good at texting during work either.

I think before you ASSume anything, you should try contacting her once more AS IF everything was ok and see what happens.

[TBSakaJ9]

Hi K.....I just thought that everyone has some time during the day to send a message or make a call. On your drive into work or when you are driving home at night. Before you get into a bed send a quick good night message or something.

Yes....that part of the profile did cross my mind. It just seemed that her responses were obligatory but the fact that she responded at all was good.

[AndrewP]

Sorry, but I have a question to all the guys here.

I have been told not to contact guys and let them make the moves and pursue. And if the guys tell the other guys to not pursue and is waiting for the woman to reach out, well how does anyone talk to eachother?! Both are waiting for the other to make moves, but both are afraid of pursing.

10 years of this crap, I don't get it.

LOL - My thread for the last year or so.

I think the dynamics are different as we get older and also for divorced people.

OLD is pretty straightforward. Everyone there is more or less available and interested in dating. Real life is different.

Let's take for example the lady I just spent an enjoyable 45 minutes with. I often go for a walk at lunch. She suggested one day that she join me. We've gone on walks on Thursdays now for about the last month. I have every expectation that if something came up that we both wanted to do that she would feel comfortable suggesting it to me or I to her. As a guy I'd be fine with that. Or if she suggested that we have a drink after work or to check out a movie.

If she hadn't suggested that she join me on my walks I'd probably still be waffling like I am with others. Now we're both comfortable with suggesting that we walk together. If the lady I see at the flower shop had ever suggested anything I'd probably have gone through with that. With her, I asked her out for coffee in January 2017 and she first said yes but then backed off saying her life was too complicated. I gave her my contact info and said that she could feel free to reach out at any time. She never did. Is she actually interested in dating me? Speculation on my thread says yes. But chatting about our lives and her flashing me with those lovely pale blue eyes hasn't gotten either of us past that first hurdle.

I know this isn't the "dating" as some would think of it. But it's the sort of low key, getting to know someone that is my style.

For the lady that I am currently more or less dating, she suggested to me that we meet. That's how she jumped the queue.

So - yes. If you are interested in someone, suggest something small. If they're interested then play it by ear. Playing hard-to-get is for 12 year olds. My daughter has a phrase that fits here "don't ask - don't get".

[TBSakaJ9]

I would love to not play games but unfortunately it seems to be part of the "game" no pun intended these days. Don't call too soon, don't let her know how you feel, pull back when you get the feeling she is, don't be too needy, etc. etc. etc.

I think the days of I like you and you like me and it's that simple are over with.

I would like to reach out to BL and just say Hey, what's going on how has your week been and then make plans for another date but she hasn't initiated any contact with me so if I man is to retain his "value" he shouldn't chase. It would be different if she reached out to me but she hasn't and everyone has some time during the day to send something.

So it's kinda crap either way.

[pinn]

Ok this needs to end for your own sanity one way or the other. This is what I would do in this case. I would send her a simple text asking her out a few days from now. Something super short and sweet. Something like... Hey! I had a lot of fun with the other night. I was wondering if you wanted to get together on xxx day/night?

If she doesn’t answer it’s over, no more thinking.

If she says she’s busy and doesn’t propose an alternative date, it’s over no more thinking.

If she says yes, it’s just starting.

[Dawn70]

I would like to reach out to BL and just say Hey, what's going on how has your week been and then make plans for another date but she hasn't initiated any contact with me so if I man is to retain his "value" he shouldn't chase. It would be different if she reached out to me but she hasn't and everyone has some time during the day to send something.

I respectfully disagree. I still think that there could be a million reasons why she hasn't initiated contact. If you are interested, reach out and ask. You said that things are part of the game, so change the game. Even if she is not interested, for whatever reason, at least if you reach out, she now has the opportunity to tell you that and if she's any kind of woman at all, she'll be honest and tell you.

I think Ginger alluded to this in one of her earlier responses, but think about this for a second: you say you shouldn't chase if a man wants to retain his value. As G pointed out, women are always told to let the men be the pursuers, so as she stated, if you are holding back to "retain your value as a man" and she's holding back because she's waiting for you to pursue, then y'all are both sitting back waiting on the other to make a move and wondering why the other isn't making a move. So, in essence, y'all are both playing the game and you will both end up playing yourself right out by worrying too much about what everyone else thinks y'all should do.

Listen, I'm the world's worst at heeding my own advice. I have played this game myself. "Oh, I really like him and want to reach out but I should wait and let him reach out.............." over and over ad infinitum. But, I have said it over and over - don't overthink it. If you like her and want to go out again, call her or text her and talk to her and ask her out. If not, then let it go. I have been standing on the sideline watching my best friend go through something very similar. He's very interested in a young lady who seems like a lovely young lady, but she is really slow to respond to his texts and phone calls. From everything he is telling me, she is very interested in him and I know he's very interested in her, but I also know she's got a full-time job that is extremely busy and she's got 2 young kids and she's a single mom. And, I have had a couple of other people tell me that she is very interested in him as well. I'm tickled for him but at the same time, he keeps getting discouraged when he texts her and she doesn't immediately respond. I have talked him off a ledge more than once this week (so to speak) and I finally just told him last night that he was going to have to be more proactive in actually inviting her out or he was going to have to let it go and move on.

Nobody is perfect. I think we all know and are abundantly aware of this. Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you and deal with it the way it works best for you. So, good luck in whatever you decide.

[Holding]

The game of both sides playing it cool and not chasing really svcks. I read so many things that says the woman needs to pursue. Then other sources say the man leads the R and should pursue. It's all pretty disgusting if you ask me.