Alright so I think I learned my lesson yesterday with Brunch Lady. I sent her a text yesterday morning, she responded and I told her I would give her a call on my way home last night. So on my way home I called her but she didn't answer. She then texted me back, telling me sorry for missing my call and that she was working late tonight. I responded back with no worries, don't work too late.
So.....I am now dark. Her actions are not lining up with the words that were coming out of her mouth over the weekend. I would think after almost having sex in her kitchen that she would be doing some pursuing. She did not reach out to me on Sunday night, she could have called me on her way to work yesterday, she could have sent me a quick text during the day, she could have called me on her way home last night, she also could have called me this morning. At this point in time I am not sure what to believe outside of I am pulling way back, going dark, and will let her initiate the next move.
So I don't think I ruined anything or else she just would have ghosted me and not responded at all yesterday however it is clear that she is not in pursuit mode yet. I need to get myself re-centered, back the fuch off, stay on my purpose, and see what happens. I am glad I tested the waters yesterday though as it helps me know how to play it in the future as this is the first girl that has not actively reached out to me during the day.
I gave you advice awhile back to set one date per week by phone until she is reaching out to you on a regular basis. You were correct when you indicated that woman like to pursue men when they feel safe and comfortable.
The problem men usually get into is when texting too much they come off as needy, insecure or say something to turn a women off.
Your busy being a dad, with your career, your purpose, the gym etc. you don't have time to text and jibber jabber on the phone. Plus you will have nothing to talk about when you do have a date.
Your right.....I got sucked in based on what happened over the weekend but I am good now! I am glad I caught it early before I completely lost her attraction and recognized what I was about to do. Lesson learned! No more contact from me. Thanks L.......stick to the plan!
I say this all the time, but I love seeing the different perspectives of people and how they process things. Based on your own account, I think it is evident that this lady likes you, but she may well have just been busy the past few days. Or maybe she is shy about reaching out to you. Take a breath, man....you got this.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks D...I feel good and yes the different perspectives are awesome. That is partially why I continue to come back to the board. I know she likes me or she would have just blown me off yesterday so I know it's there. I just need to take a step back and be more patient. I have my girls all week and she is out of town for work tomorrow and Thursday. She also has her kids this week as well so I am sure she will reach out at some point.
So.....I am now dark. Her actions are not lining up with the words that were coming out of her mouth over the weekend. I would think after almost having sex in her kitchen that she would be doing some pursuing. She did not reach out to me on Sunday night, she could have called me on her way to work yesterday, she could have sent me a quick text during the day, she could have called me on her way home last night, she also could have called me this morning. At this point in time I am not sure what to believe outside of I am pulling way back, going dark, and will let her initiate the next move.
This is why i suggest dating or talking to multiple women at a time. When you do that, these thoughts do not go through your mind because they just dont have time too. I am curious in your mind what do you consider moving slow? Everyone has a different definition and I am just wondering what yours is. I for instance wouldnt consider having sex within the first 3 dates as moving fast, but relationship talk in the first month would trigger an alarm in me. From what you wrote she does seem kind of needy and clingy, but aloof when not in your presence. I wouldnt be surprised if she is dating other people which there is nothing wrong with that. Also be careful and look for signs of BPD. If your upfront and honest with her like you have been, she will be fully aware of what is going on and it will be her choice to continue or not.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Hey RX.....I agree with sex. I easily could have done it on Sunday or the first date as well. On our third date I would expect it to happen and that is not fast for me. R talk is I agree within the first month very fast and initially didn't alarm me because we were both caught up in the mutual attraction.
She very well could be dating other people however she did seek me out, I didn't initiate contact with her. Aloof not in my presence is what I am currently trying to figure out. That is a new one for me however it is on her to initiate at this time.
I do like the 1 date per week approach although that is difficult during the week when I have my kids. So I would say that would be moving slow....with a guess her bringing up R talk by the 6th or 7th date (6 weeks into dating).
She was totally comfortable with me picking her up at her house after our first date, she was totally comfortable riding with me to and from brunch, and was totally comfortable inviting me in her house on the second date as well alone but now she can't reach out and initiate a text or phone call???????? It doesn't add up.
I have this feeling you have two people who are trying not to pursue eachother. Women get worried that they will scare guys off. I get told that all the time. That I need to let guys pursue me. So for all you know, she is trying to play it cool and back off too,
I swear this game is like an old country western showdown.
But be careful on the advice you take from me. I really stink at this.
I guess that is possible but her responses come across as very dismissive. For example, "Sorry I missed your call, I am working late tonight". Ok great......she could have said after that......I will call you on my way home or I will give you a call tomorrow. Don't just make the statement then radio silence. She knows she dismissed me.
But she could be doing it to test me and/or to pull back as she has had time to reflect.
I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. She seems to be really into you. Remember, she had to squeeze in your first date because she had a big project at work. I am thinking maybe she can't even be on her phone at work.
She probably didn't want to make any promises about contacting you in case she couldn't follow through.
Just relax and see.
I hope this isn't an insult, but man, you are the male version of me when you date. I have the same exact mindset as you do.
