Advice on my Scenario Pt. 21 - Garden in my Bucket

[OrangeK]

Well S3 is getting a haircut tonight. He threw a 2 hr tantrum yesterday (Typical as his behavior alwasy Sux after a weekend with Mommy Dearest)

After he finally calmed down I asked him what had him so upset, and he just pulled on his own hair.
I asked him if someone had done that to him. He said yes, i asked who, he said Mama.

I asked about again this morning and he said he had pulled her hair and she did it to show him what it felt like.
I know how poorly she handles him at bedtime, its when her lack of any discipline really comes back and bites her in the backside. She has called my at night in hysterics in the past when he was throwing tantrums at bedtime before.

She disgusts me.

[OrangeK]

Ok. i think my time here as a regular on this board has ended. I will update down the road.

Thank you all for your support and advice.

[NicoleR]

Hi OrangeK, that is really bad if your wife pulled your son's hair to teach him a lesson. There must be some intermediary who could raise issues like these to her. If she's neglecting him and has such poor parenting skills that she resorts to pulling his hair then even your best efforts to counter her bad behavior won't be enough. Someone like her parents should intervene but it sounds like there's not really much you can do. It's so sad. I feel terrible for your son.

Why is your time as a regular ending? Are you going to try a new approach?

[OrangeK]

I find the more time i spend here posting the more time i spend thinking of her. The worst is behind me, and i dont often get much in the way of responses anymore, and 60% of what I do get basically tells me im wrong or that im about to get porked by my EX in court.

I have found the frequency and quality of helpful exchanges has phased out and begun to die off.

[Ginger1]

I find the more time i spend here posting the more time i spend thinking of her. The worst is behind me, and i dont often get much in the way of responses anymore, and 60% of what I do get basically tells me im wrong or that im about to get porked by my EX in court.

I have found the frequency and quality of helpful exchanges has phased out and begun to die off.

For the love of God Orange, what do you want? What is it you want from us!?

People have taken the time out their busy days to help you, from experience, to prepare yourself on what to expect from your W, how to protect yourself, and most importantly, how to protect your son!

You want us to tell you everything is going to fine and she'll come back? We can't do that, because we don't know.

We can only tell you what to do to keep yourself in the best position to have that happen. ANd you keep yourself in the best position by coparenting, by, making sure you protect yourself financially and custody wise. And how to live your life within the realms of your current position. That is your best chance of saving your marriage or beginning a new one with her. There is nothing beyond that you can do. But this is the best bet you have.

You want us to tell you she isn't going to try to screw you in the divorce? You want us to tell you she has no chance of winning your petition? So you want us to lie to you to make you happy?

When something legally happens, you tell us to focus on that, we tell you, from experience what you should watch out for, and then you get mad?

Maybe what 60% of what you are doing isn't going to benefit your sitch. Why would you want us to tell you otherwise if it isn't going to help? Did you come here to learn or to be right?


Orange, there is no winning with you. The only way you are going to feel anything is helpful is if they tell you what you want to hear. And that certainly isn't going to make your sitch any better.


I think you should keep posting, take in the advice, admit when you have room for improvement, and get over yourself.

Otherwise, maybe you are right. This board isn't going to benefit you.

Just because you aren't hearing what you want, doesn't mean the advice isn't helpful

[Ginger1]

If you suspect abuse, you need to report it. Forget your M. If you are truly worried about the welfare of your child, act on it.

[SteveLW]

OK be careful qualifying her pulling his hair to show him how it feels as "abuse". When kids cross certain lines then I believe corporal punishment is the answer. Parents that tolerate their kids hitting them, biting them, pulling their hair, etc are doing themselves, their child, and society a huge disservice. Sometimes a good old spanking is what is called for. And that our society claims that it is abuse is idiotic.

He pulled her hair, so she pulled his to show him that having your pulled is not fun.

Also, kids acting out when they are with one parent, or their grandparents, is a relatively normal thing. I know my D through the years has come home and acted pretty bad after being with grandparents. I think it is sometimes just rebellion since the rules are different at your house than they are at hers and vice-versa. Or it could be his way of dealing with his parents being split up.

[OrangeK]

For the love of God Orange, what do you want? What is it you want from us!?

Nothing Ginger. I just feel like Ive asked a lot of the same questions and gotten a lot of the same answers.
Its just time for a break, relax. Jeeze.

People have taken the time out their busy days to help you, from experience, to prepare yourself on what to expect from your W, how to protect yourself, and most importantly, how to protect your son!

They do. And i appreciate that. I have also stated my appreciation for this Several times, to several people. Including you Ginger. I have used the advice I have gotten here, much to my benefit. Esp. regarding detachment
What I dont appreciate is being crucified anytime I should (GOD FORBID). Disagree with someone. This board is not supportive of free thinking.
Im supposed to just blindly follow all advice, not establish my own views or opinions, accept people making assumptions about aforementioned opinions and be a robotic yes man?
No thanks.

You want us to tell you everything is going to fine and she'll come back? We can't do that, because we don't know.

Clearly you breeze my posts Ginger, evidently looking for things to berate me about.
I have said 1000 times and Ill say it again
I DONT EFFING WANT HER BACK.
Just because i have a day where i miss what i had doesnt mean i want to dive back into the deep end of the abuse pool.
I was born at night but not last night. Forgive me for mourning the loss of what i thought would be my entire life.
Sometimes, God forbid. I have FEELINGS! Imagine that?
SHe is a stupid, immature, lying C**T. Plain and Simple.
I. DONT. WANT. HER. BACK.
I hope i made that clear this time.

We can only tell you what to do to keep yourself in the best position to have that happen. ANd you keep yourself in the best position by coparenting, by, making sure you protect yourself financially and custody wise. And how to live your life within the realms of your current position. That is your best chance of saving your marriage or beginning a new one with her. There is nothing beyond that you can do. But this is the best bet you have.

I dont want a new beginning or my old life. If she got deported I would throw a fekkin party Ginger.
I dont plan on working on co parenting with her because she is never going to willing do anything that doesnt directly benefit her.
Speaking to her is pointless, as far as I am concerned she is the robot i need to go to court with. The woman i though i knew is dead to me. Shes a S**tty mother, a crappy person, and a toxic bottom feeder. I want nothing to do with that.

You want us to tell you she isn't going to try to screw you in the divorce? You want us to tell you she has no chance of winning your petition? So you want us to lie to you to make you happy?

Not even going to dignify this with a response. See above.

When something legally happens, you tell us to focus on that, we tell you, from experience what you should watch out for, and then you get mad?

Again, making assumptions on my mood. thanks. Never got mad. Just said my state is obviously doing things differently.
People jump all over telling me how much i didnt get screwed. Well if i got such a boon of a divorce, given my situation, then perhaps we should all be writing our congresspeople to change divorce law because the compacency of how biased the process is makes me SICK.

Maybe what 60% of what you are doing isn't going to benefit your sitch. Why would you want us to tell you otherwise if it isn't going to help? Did you come here to learn or to be right?

To learn. And I have.
Detachment game is getting far far stronger.
thanks to help ive gotten here, AND THANKED AND ACKNOWLEDGED PEOPLE FOR PROVIDING.

Orange, there is no winning with you. The only way you are going to feel anything is helpful is if they tell you what you want to hear. And that certainly isn't going to make your sitch any better.

I could say the same Ginger, you seem to look forward to and deliberately seek out debates with me and opportunities to tell me how wrong I am.
Again, thanks for making assumptions about what I want without actually asking my opinion.
Way to go.

I think you should keep posting, take in the advice, admit when you have room for improvement, and get over yourself.

Funny. I cant recall you ever saying you have room for improvement, and you seem to really get ruffled when someone doesnt agree with your advice.

Otherwise, maybe you are right. This board isn't going to benefit you.

Just because you aren't hearing what you want, doesn't mean the advice isn't helpful

Interesting, as you seem so viemently frustrated that YOU arent hearing what YOU want from me.
Why is that Ginger?

[OrangeK]

OK be careful qualifying her pulling his hair to show him how it feels as "abuse". When kids cross certain lines then I believe corporal punishment is the answer. Parents that tolerate their kids hitting them, biting them, pulling their hair, etc are doing themselves, their child, and society a huge disservice. Sometimes a good old spanking is what is called for. And that our society claims that it is abuse is idiotic.

He pulled her hair, so she pulled his to show him that having your pulled is not fun.

Also, kids acting out when they are with one parent, or their grandparents, is a relatively normal thing. I know my D through the years has come home and acted pretty bad after being with grandparents. I think it is sometimes just rebellion since the rules are different at your house than they are at hers and vice-versa. Or it could be his way of dealing with his parents being split up.

If you think I am going to brush this under the rug, than I am sorry Steve. on this we will disagree.
A spanking is one thing. He was upset about this 2 days after the fact., She hurt him.
Shes a monster.
if you think that is acceptable parenting then I cannot support that view.

[OrangeK]

Ill let you all know what happens in Sept at final hearing. or if anything huge happens legally. Otherwise, enjoy the rest of your summers.

Good luck to those walking the path alongside me.