Babe, I love what you wrote here. I always love what you write! What I always feel from your posts is the this huge light that is manifested in your kindness and your patience and your reliance/trust in God. That is how I want to be, and whenever I get close to it, I feel that peace that you seem to radiate even when you are sad.
The other day I was leading the rosary at my church, I had never done that and am a convert and not so used to it, so I was nervous, but in the second decade, I suddenly felt this shift inside me, I felt this flood of peace come over me, I looked up at the parishioners for a moment and I felt this jolt of joy and a PRESENCE, of Mary I guess, that lasted for the rest of the rosary, three decades and all the prayers. Afterwards my friend told me that she looked up at me while I was up there and that my face was totally radiant and glowing and that I looked so beautiful. (Not because I am beautiful personally, I am not but it was something interior).
Something about your post made me remember that moment. Even here where you have a question and some confusion, you radiate some kind of light.
I always wonder the same thing. I am waiting for so long for my H and he seems to have had a second BD and be in some ways worse than ever, very very crazy. Like you I begin to think about what parts of him were just who he always was without my noticing or considering it, and which parts are part of the MLC alien. I am not sure but I did decide that it's too much for me to consider and that I should just rely on God to fix what He wills to fix. Some days I am as patient as you and some I let myself fall into despair and impatience. What bothers me the most is that my son has really unraveled. That is where at times I do question God's will. But if I can trust God, I can be sure that I am the best mother my son could have, and that all I can do is keep loving him and being as much of a light as I can for as long as his dad is in darkness.
What is happening with you and your H these days?
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee - Isaiah 54:5-7
Gerda, these are the chapter and verses I like to give them to you. In the depth of despair, I count on no one but my Lord. He comfort me, gave me the strength.
I have problem in recalling who ever posted the information, it really helped me as a stander - the 'Rejoice Marriage Ministries'.
I had lunch with husband Sunday, after lunch, we went to an art exhibition; spent two hours there. No problem in getting alone with him. However he mentioned few times in past six months, how his mother treated him when he was 8 or 10 years old or when he became a teenager. It is hard for me to believe that a mother could treat her own son like that. She was mean to husband and husband was her punchbag every time her mother got angry at things no matter it related to my husband or not. It is like mother was bully at her son...
Husband said 'don't blame me if I'm ruthlessly to them...' I kept my silence since I don't know how to express the feeling I have and my empathy to him.
Shall I just listen to what he says or I could say something to console ?
You are doing a great job. He feels safe talking to you and may not want you to make a lot of comments over what he is saying. Continue to listen and if you feel the need to say something, just say "I'm sorry that happened".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh wow, Babe, I wish I had seen your reply to me a long time ago, I totally missed it! Thank you so much for this gift! I will print it out and carry it in my purse and look at it whenever I get confused. Thank you, my friend!
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I have this same problem when my H tells me about his horrify gin childhood, of not knowing how much to respond lest it annoy him. In my case, though, I have known about most of it all our M and it has helped me to stand during MLC.
I agree with Job though I think it's okay to be more specific about what you hear as your way to comfort -- e.g., "I'm so surprised that a mom could do that to her child. That sounds so hard." Or "I could see why you would not want to forgive her after that."
And then go into your closet after and pray for God to soften his heart and release him from the slavery of unforgiveness and bitterness.
XO to Babe, the sweetest soul on the boards!
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
It's heartbreaking to hear the childhood stories that unfold. It's even more amazing to know how they kept it inside and hidden for all those years. Coupled with their poor coping skills, it's all a ticking time bomb. But he's an adult and its up to him to remedy it within himself.
Stay strong.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Gerda, don't give up on praying for husband's heart, his heart will be healed through our Lord's hand; also, pray that God would have his heart softened. He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
HaWho, I try to take the neutral attitude toward my mother-in-law after those terrible stories been told by my husband... a boy was so isolated and grown up all alone, sometimes he was bullied by his own mother and brother. I don't want to know the detail honestly, although I don't have children, I'm not interested in raising kids; I won't treat a young boy like that. Guess after I had the knowledge of MLC and the true story of my husband's childhood, I not just want to forgive my husband but want him find peace and be really happy.
You have the right attitude about not only wanting to forgive your husband, but also wanting him to find peace and be happy.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
my last post was from two 2 months ago, time flies. I was busy and things are fine !
Husband and I spent a weekend at the east coast for his birthday at beginning of Sep. It was a fun trip, weather was nice, it is our tradition that we spend our weekend for his birthday there. After his birthday, he said he is busy, he didn't come home in past three weeks. He would text back when I leave him a message and he had me notified when he is not coming to our apartment for weekend, I'm very grateful for this, I think he is recovering from crisis but is moving very slowly.
If he is not coming, I'll just go to my language class, to church or I do anything and everything for myself.
I'm now 4 years after bomb dropped, look back, what a journey I had...
