I'm just a mess. I stupidly sent a text this mornin, saying Sunday mornings aren't the same without him. I need to just give up. I ruined this relationship myself. It's just over and he doesn't want me anymore. Smh.
This is not easy, and you need to be compassionate towards yourself. It is normal to have the feelings that you are having. Nearly all of us here are experiencing similar feelings. Let yourself have them. It is healthy to feel them. This is the roller coaster. Just remember that these feelings wont last forever, you will feel better.
When you are feeling down or want to contact your S, I find it best to post here, to vent, to look for support.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
He picked up the baby today. I made sure to be very pleasant but not annoyingly. Haha. I can imagine if I were to over the top it would look very fake. I was pretty bummed out earlier so I just came inside and laid down bc I had a pounding headache. Within an hour he was texting. He asked when the baby ate last I told him. He kept on a couple times and then within another hour he was asking me to come get him bc the baby wouldn't stop crying. I went immediately. I stayed for a couple hours. It was a good visit. I could tell he wanted me to stay. It wasn't anything extra special but it was nice to be around one another. And not be extra - if that makes sense. Bring there made me feel better. It turns out he's been working extremely long work hours. And he looks it. He looks very tired.
I think maybe the baby might have helped my cause a little today. Haha.
After seeing him yesterday, I went home with a sense of , well. I'm not really sure what. Seeing him and hearing about his schedule and how much he has been working really probably did me some good. I really truely believe that is all he has been doing. It makes me feel a lil silly to think that I have given him grieve and he has already been bogged down with so much lately. I have been reading a book on relationships and I see so many issues regarding myself that had I resolved or figure out prior, I know for fact that we wouldn't be in this. Obviously I cannot l take it back now. I can only hope that time truly does heal all wounds and that the love that we have for one another will bring us closer than before. I feel like he had been trying to tell me all along but couldn't get through to me. And now his words and actions ring in my ears and are in my thoughts. I know God has a hand in all of this. I only want what is best for the both of us. So hopefully that will be for us to be together.
It's crazy the emotional roller coaster puts themselves through during this process. It's no wonder the best thing to do is give space. I can go from hour to hour with total opposite thoughts. I know the LBS feel that the other person does not care, but I do not believe that. I believe that they are going through the exact same thing. But they have a different way of showing it. And maybe not to the extent of the LBS.
Last night I had thoughts again of just giving up. Thinking I'm silly for even remotely considering that there is s chance for us to reconnect. My mind constantly battles itself. To the point of mental exhaustion which leads to physical exhaustion. Reality is, it would be easy to give up, go meet some new guy, and basically physically move on. But I know that would just be a cover. A temporary fix, if even.
So I'm still standing. Still confident. He WILL be back.
Roller coaster it is, in fact in my sitch I feel it is a ride that keeps going deeper into the dark dungeons still waiting to see any upward tilt on the ride. Hang in there I agree that the WAS is also just as hurt but they exhibit it through anger and resentment. Letting go does not mean that you chuck them completely and move on with another R, it means we need to see what we can do to improve ourselves and the lives of our kids. Hope you find the strength needed to keep on hiking this upward hill
I hope I can too. I love him very much. I still have hope but it does seem as weeks go on that we grow farther apart. I feel like I keep making mistakes that push him farther away. But I'll keep trying.
Did I mention that I want to cry every day on the way home? Every-Single-Day. I keep looking for positives and they are becoming few and far between.
I thought of something that I have been meaning to ask. He is still helping me with my household bills. He says he will help as long as I need it. At what point do I end that? It makes me feel bad asking him for help, but he also gets upset when I say he doesn't have to. Saying "even when I'm doing the best I can, I still get the $hit". It kinda confuses me. But my question still remains , at what point do I end the financial help?
Loves havent read all your sitch but be strong for your baby. Whether your H wants you back or not is not in your control so when that thought comes through your head note it and put it to the side. I have done a lot of meditation, the headspace app has been great for me.
I dont know what your health or fitness level is like but I know moms that do little exercises with their baby hold them overhead and do lunges hold them in front of you and do squats etc. One you will feel better getting the blood flowing and exercising, two it is an activity you and your baby can share that will lead to long term happiness and connection, three the baby will probably love the motion and laugh which will make both of you happy.
Post here instead of texting him SAturdays arent the same literally just send the text here instead. Or put it on my chain I dont mind and will respond to you.
You sound like me - blaming yourself for everything. My W tried to tell me for years she was falling out of love she gave me gratitude journals asked me to see someone etc. But I didnt take her seriously and didnt hear her. It got worse and worse until she left. But she chose to change radically when we had our daughter. She chose to not let anyone babysit, not sleep in the same bedrooms because I needed sleep for work, she chose never to let me lead and always to have to win every argument. Im sure your H did things wrong and if you look deeper Im sure you will see your mistakes were sometimes in response to you not getting your needs met. I dont know you but No More Mr Nice Guy was a book that related to me a lot. I think it would relate for women as well.
I know its hard with a baby but do whatever you can to GAL. Could you find another baby or two and babysit with your child together to earn some extra money? Even if it was just so others could go on a date.
Im good at giving advice. Harder to take it... best of luck!
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I just started working a very good job and should be able to do it on my own soon. I guess I'm asking bc I think he prolly feels good about providing for me. He felt good about doing it when I was preggo. But I feel bad about it. He's living st his moms still paying my bills. So I try to say "I won't need help for long," and thank you and he always ends with he's always gonna help me if needed.
I'm wondering if this would help me detach more. I think it would but part me feels like that's one less thing we have to discuss.
